It's been 4 weeks since I lost my soulmate. Not a day goes by that I don't break down. I've developed this permanent awful unexplainable feeling in my chest. I feel like most days I can't breathe. I keep on replaying the 'what if' scenarios that would have kept you here with me.  I'm sorry I didn't notice you getting sick sooner. I should have picked up on the signs better. I'll never stop blaming myself.
I've had a couple of dreams with Mazzy in it. Some good, some bad, but  in one she actually spoke and told me that I was her life. What i'm realizing more and more each day is how she was  all of my life. My reason for getting up, being able to move time after time all over the country, my reason for being happy, my reason for coming home.  She carried me through so many tough situations and so many depressions in life and I didn't even realize at those times that she is was kept me afloat. I keep on hoping to wake up from this terrible nightmare.
I keep on hoping that I'll finally wake up and you'll be sitting up by me and staring down at me like you did so many times, then curling up on my side so we could drift back off to sleep. 
I miss you so much.

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Dearest Vanessa,

I send you my sincerest condolences regarding the loss of your beloved Mazzy.

I lost my boy (a cat named "Marmalade") to having him put down just over 5 months ago, and even today I was weeping while posting here on the forum. As you may know, there is no set time limit for grief. Each of us processes grief in our own time, in our way, but we all share together the same it seems are all the emotions and feelings we experience, the guilt, the regret, the sorrow, the sadness, the depression, the anger, the frustration, the overanalysis, the seemingly endless second guessing, the guilt and the regret. It is unavoidable. It is part of the grief process. It is how we process our loss.

It is remarkable to read all of the stories posted and shared here on the forum, regarding how significantly our pets can help us through dark and difficult times. We all share this phenomena. The truth is we were very, very blessed and should be grateful to have bonded with our animals they way that we have. To have experienced such pure, unconditional love. So many people will never open their hearts and minds to experience this in their lifetime. We should be humbled for the time that we were alloted to experience such profound and sincere love. For even 1 hour. Let alone year after year. As painful as losing such love is.

Your dream where Mazzy visited you and she told you that you "Were her life" is one of the most profound that I have ever read of here on the forum. So many don't get to have the experience that you just had. They say that "the World of Dreams is realer than our World." That the World of Dreams is just another dimension. That "Heaven" is another dimension. Your Mazzy IS with you always. It is just your relationship has transcended now, from a physical relationship to a spiritual relationship as one of our members here so fittingly described.

I hope that you continue to travel through time and allow yourself to heal. Each moment you are healing. It is your birthright.

Kind regards,
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Dear Vanessa,
If we could just get together and talk. The way you describe your grief is exactly like mine. I feel like I am in a nightmare also. I keep feeling like my life is a dream and I know that soon I will wake up, but never do. Just know that one day you and Jazzy WILL be reunited and hold that close to your heart. My heart breaks for you but know that you are NOT alone. Trust God to help you and he will.
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