jacksonsmommy
After 16 faithful years, I lost my cat Jackson yesterday morning. Im so very sad, although I try and focus on our years together, but its still very painful. Im thankful that he chose to come be with me when he passed, although I struggle with some confusion on whether it really was his time to go or not. Some behaviors he had over the last couple of weeks make me think it was his time, then I become not so sure. His eating habits never changed, he was still active. Im hurting over the unknown, but in reality it wont matter because he is gone. My children are struggling with it more so my 9 year old as she was present along side me when he took his last breath. I just cant get that image out of my head. He went quickly which I am glad. Had I not stoppped to look over some paperwork before taking my daughter to school, he would have passed and I wouldnt have been there for him. I just dont know how to make sense of it.
Maria Wood
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Beesmom123
Maria
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Jackson!
It is beyond devastating to lose them no matter how they pass
I had to make the terrible decision to let my beautiful boy Byron go just over 12 weeks ago. He was the love of my life, had just turned 16 and was by my side every day since he was 8 weeks old
I struggle daily, I have never felt anything like this sense of loss and isolation in my entire life

Please feel free to reach out and let us know more about your Jackson
You are not alone , folks here can truly relate what you are going through
Though all of our stories are different we are all on a similar journey and it helps to know we are not alone and that others understand

Sending warmest of wishes
Diana
Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"
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jacksonsmommy
Thank you Diana for those kind words. Another hard day today. It was a quiet Saturday because there were no meows echoing through the house, only my two dogs following me to the bathroom and not my Jackson. Only my two dogs following me to the kitchen every time I go into it. Only my dogs greeting me at the door each time I went out for errands today. A big part of me wanted to hide under the covers as if nothing else existed, not my 4 children, not my husband nor my two other pets. I just wanted to be alone although not sure how Id manage being alone. My husband figured it would be good for me to get out and keep my mind somewhat preoccupied. Although I have been grieving, there is a part of me that cant believe he is really gone. I was hoping the crematory would have called me today to come pick up Jacksons ashes, but they didnt and I found myself this evening being angry because I really wanted to have him back.I just cant believe he is gone...I want to pinch myself, in hopes this is a huge nightmare. Jackson came into my life 16 years ago, I was in my early 20's when I became his mommy. I took him in from a cousin of mine who was moving and could not have pets at his new place, so I being an animal lover gladly took him in. He was the first pet I would since moving out on my own. He remained such a loving cat over all of those years. I loved when he would crawl up on my chest and paw at my neck like he was making biscuits, my husband always would say Jackson was making kitty biscuits..I so miss those moments. I miss his purring and I miss his sweet cat kisses, that he only shared with his mommy. Although I have children, they are more into the dogs and Jackson, well he has always been a mommys boy. I know my other two dogs may be grieving too as I look at them while they snuggle up to eachother, the only thing missing is Jackson because he would always be lying right next to them. Oh how I miss him so. I visited a family member today and she has cats and dogs and I went to pet one of her cats and it took to me quickly and was purring and rubbing its head under my chin, I found myself on the brink of tears because, I felt this should be my Jackson doing this, and I asked myself am I really petting another cat???? Not that I dont love animals anymore I just felt like it was too soon and I dont think I realized what emotions it would cause me to simply pet another cat. Jackson would always be waiting on the front porch and as soon as he would see my car come down the road he would stand up and sprint himself down our long cement sidewalk and greet me with a meow as I opened my car door, he would then follow me back up the sidewalk and into the house and he knew mommy was home and now it was time to eat. Daily he was one of the first things Id take care of when I got home from work,he also knew as soon as mommys feet hit the floor at 6:00am each morning that it was time to eat breakfast too. He always accompanied me to the bathroom at night trying to crawl up in my lap and sometimes I would just pick him up and put him up there just so I could love on him and he could love on me and we could go back to bed and sleep peacefully the rest of the night. He was the best cat ever. I loved him so much and still do. He meant the world to me and I pray that he knows that. I told my youngest daughter that Jackson was probably in heaven making kitty biscuits on God. She thought that would be pretty cool if he was. Thats it for me this evening. I am glad I found this place where I can share my memories of him with other people who are in the same journey as myself. Its definitely hard to talk to people who have not experienced this kind of loss. I am thankful to know I am not alone.
Maria Wood
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madm28

Hi Maria,

I myself am going through the same thing-just lost my cat Rachel a few weeks ago.  I had her for 17 years and I am deeply depressed and completely lost without my little peanut.  I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart that will never heal. 

I can hardly get out of bed and function. She was such a huge part of my life.  She would wake me up every morning and greet me each night  I got home from work.  She was by my side every minute that I was home with her.  I can't imagine loving another cat ever-not the way I loved her.  We had a special bond that i feel I will never find again. 

Many friends/family tell me that they feel bad for me, but that i have accept this and move on because she is not coming back.  I am still in denial that my baby girl has left me and is not coming back.

I feel your pain and I am too, going through the same motions that you are.

Abbey




Abbey
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Beesmom123
Hi Maria
Thank you for sharing your wonderful memories of Jackson. It's obvious you had an incredible bond
I can so understand what you mean by grieving for the loss and and on the other hand having a hard time believing they are gone and not coming back
It's has been over 3 months for me and I still have those feelings. Today it struck me out of the blue
It's almost as if one is living in an altered reality , and the simplest things can set one off

I have two other senior cats I've had for 12 and 15 years , I love them dearly and they are great cats but I don't have the bond and relationship with them I had with my Byron
I am trying to be present and make their remaining years as happy as possible but everything I do reminds me that Byron is gone and he should be getting treats and attention and the latest toys too

Doesn't seem right that the world and everything in it just continues on and he is no longer part of it. Every object in every room has some connection and reminder. Some days now I can smile at the memories of the funny or touching things he did but other days especially when others aspects of life are difficult, it can be very painful almost as bad as those first few weeks

I hope you can find some measure of peace and take comfort in the fact you were there for him all those years and gave him a great life

Take Care
Diana
Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"
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