Patrice
A week ago today I took my 13 year old dog to the vets and had him put down.  It was very difficult for me to do, I had already almost done it twice over the past 6 months, but could not go through with it.  He was a toy poodle.

He suffered with a collapsed trachea which made him cough all the time, and also he had a bad back, and cataracts.  But he was a very good dog, he was obedient, loving, and it had been just me and him for over 13 years.  He was my constant companion, we shared everything together. The night before I had him put down he had such a bad coughing fit in the middle of the night that it really scared me, and I felt tremendous guilt over prolonging his life.  that is when I decided I had to do it the very next day.

I knew it would be hard and that I would miss him, but I really had no idea how much I would miss him and how heartbreaking it is to wake up and not see him, or come come from somewhere and he is not here to greet me, and how now I eat my dinner alone, (he would not eat until I was eating), and the house seems so empty now.

I Know that it was probably merciful for me to put him down, the vet said I was not doing it too soon, but now I find myself wishing I had not done it yet.  Today it has been a week and I have been crying almost all afternoon.

My daughter told me she thinks by now I should have a handle on it and not be still crying.  She thinks I need to see my doctor and get some meds.  I am a bit angry that she does not understand that this dog was my little boy, he was my everything, he gave me meaning and purpose.  He understood everything I said to him.  I do not think I should be over him in one week!  I am a senior woman who lives alone, and I am hurting so badly, it is physically painful. 



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LUCYLULU
Patrice~ I am so very sorry for your loss. I saw his name & was drawn to your post. Besides this forum, my friend's Yorkie Romeo has helped me since 11/10/15 when my 14+ y/o Lucy passed. I made the decision to take her pain & suffering away. It felt like she was telling me it's OK...but then the day before she rallied. So I understand your replay & heartbreaking empty feeling. He was your best bud for 13 years. He was always there loving you and being there for you.

It's OK when other folks may not understand. You were his person so when you ended his pain, you also took his pain. Now life is not the same. It's wicked. But you did show him your love in an unselfish way. Rather than prolonging his pain & coughing etc., so he could still be here, you gave him a peaceful farewell with you right there with him-- loving him. I wonder how we have found this forum. Somehow I believe our beloved pets guided us here so that we can share our grief...but also share the story of our loving bonds. I am so very, very sorry. Hoping that Romeo lets you know that he is still with you :-) Hugs, Kasey
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jimmy17
Partrice, you are only one week in - believe me, it takes so much longer to even try to accept what has happened to us. I am just past 8 weeks after having had to our 17 year old dog Jim put to sleep - maybe we should have done it sooner- but we want so much to keep our little friends with us. 
 Your daughter is probably worrying, but you have lost your best friend, and you cannot just get over his loss in a week, especially living alone. He was your little boy, and you need time to grieve. The sense of loss is immense - just try to get through each day at a time, you will get there , but on your own terms. 

         Hugs to you, Jackie. xx
J Taylor
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Bellas_mom
I am so sorry for your loss.  I can understand what you are going through as I lost my 3 year old kitty exactly a week ago as well.  Grief affects everyone different.   Don't let anyone tell you that you should be over it by now.  Our furry babies are like our children and the loss and pain is just as deep.  

The decision to put down our loved one is very difficult.  I had to make the same decision six years ago with another precious kitty that I had.  She had cancer and as much as I wanted her to stay with me, I felt it in my heart the time was right.  The decision needs to be about them, not about how difficult it will be for us when they are gone.   If our love for them could keep them healthy, they would always be with us.  As difficult as it is, I am sure you would not want your little boy to be in pain and to be suffering.  

He was your life and your heart for 13 years.  It will take some time.  Don't let your daughter upset you. Take the time you need and know that there are people who feel the same as you do.  You are not alone.

Hugs, Bella's mom
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Patrice
Thank you for your kind words, you have no idea what it means to me.  I have been trying to research on the web how long is long enough, and I found a wonderful link.   http://www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html

It has helped me understand a few things, like how euthanizing your pet makes it a lot harder sometimes, you second guess yourself, and you suffer guilt because you worry that maybe they really would not choose to go when the did if they could tell you how they really feel. 

I think that is what is really hard.  I know Romeo still had times when he wanted to play, or wanted to go bye bye. He still had an interest in life and did not just lie around half dead all the time.  That is what makes it so hard.  But I worried about him having too much pain and suffering.  Dogs can deal with a lot of pain and not show it always.

But of course I would not want to wait so long that he was really suffering a lot.  Sometimes it was hard to tell.  He would cough a lot one day and I would say I need to put him down, and then he would have a pretty good day and I would say to myself, "not yet."

He had been on steroids which helped a lot at first, then when the vet cut the dose down he got way worse.  That is when I felt I was being selfish in keeping him alive.
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