rachel81
Elliott passed away yesterday. We'd had him for 12 years and he was the sweetest, loveliest and most affectionate cat I've ever been around.  I miss everything about him; the way he seemed walk around on his tippy toes, his little meows, the way he'd immediately jump on my lap when I sat down, how he always had to be in the middle of everything, his curiosity and just all around lovableness.  The pain is honestly overwhelming.  I miss him so much my heart literally aches.  Sometimes I feel silly for grieving so much for him, but he was such a part of the family.  I loved him so much you know? 

He'd been diagnosed with early kidney failure late last year and went downhill almost immediately after that.  He only weighed 6.5 lbs yesterday and couldn't sit down all the way because he was in so much pain.  The vet said she was 100% sure he had cancer.  If he was taken home, he'd starve to death in 2 weeks.

I was stuck in a workshop all day for my job and couldn't be there.  My dad called me in the middle and I'm so glad I took his call.  I have such regret I didn't just leave the stupid workshop and go be with Elliott while he passed on.  I'm so angry with myself.  I miss him so much. I would do anything to make this pain ease.  All I do is cry and getting through the day is nearly impossible. I just want my Elliott back.  I want to see him jump around and play with a piece of tin foil instead of the $5 toy I got him. I want to see him more than anything, and I never will again. I feel like I'll never get over the pain. Please help.  small ellie.jpg 
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Bailey15
Hi Rachel,
I am so very sorry about Elliott. I lost my dog, Bailey, 4 months ago today. He was 15 and I still miss him like crazy. Grief is so difficult. At first I thought of everything I could have or should have done and that guilt is part of grieving. In the end we can only go by what we know at the time and do the best we can. In hindsight there are so many things I would have done differently as well so I really do understand that awful feeling of guilt. However, the last number of years I've become involved with 'animal rights' and the number of abused cats, dogs,etc, is staggering. I remember my vet saying (as Bailey was going to sleep for the last time) that he feels really badly for the 4 or 5 year old dogs who went from home to home and never stood a chance. I know it's awful but when we think of Elliott and Bailey we can be comforted by the fact that we gave them lots of love and they knew it. I know it doesn't help your pain now but in time you will take comfort from the life you gave Elliott. When you talk about getting him toys and watching him instead playing with tinfoil, or the fact that he was in the center of everything I hear that he was loved and given a wonderful life. When you took that call it would have been such a shock and we just can't think in that state. I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling and the loss. I know: it's one thing to let them go and take their pain away but quite another to live without them. Please remember that Elliott knew how much you loved him and that means everything.
Sending you hugs,
MJ
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NormaT
Dear Rachel,

Elliott is such a handsome boy. I'm so sorry you have lost him. It's not silly at all to feel pain as this just says how much you love and miss him. Grief is awful but it is a natural part of loosing someone so close to you. We often have much better bonds with our fur babies than with other humans. They listen but don't judge, comfort but don't want anything in return, don't pretend they are happy to be with you and never set out to hurt you.

We can wish forever but we can't change what has already happened. Please don't punish yourself for not being there with him. Sometimes we have to make decisions based on the best information we have at the time. There are no rights or wrongs just situations where you do what you can. When guilt tries to convince you that you should have done more for elliott please try not to listen to it, distract yourself and remember the good times you have had.

We made the very difficult decision to have our boy Spike put to sleep 3 weeks ago today. (retriever aged 13 years) I hope never again for the rest of my life to feel the pure anguish and raw pain that I felt for about the first week following his passing. As I sit here now the tears fill my eyes and I look over to where his grubby smelly bed used to be and I wish I could smell it now. There is a table there now (the empty space was just awful) and the house feels so wrong without him here. I can't really describe it, just somehow wrong and soulless.

Norma
Norma 
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Sadiesmom061308
Rachel,
I am so sorry about Elliot. He is such a beautiful boy. As Norma said please don't punish yourself. We all loved our babies and did the best we could. Elliot new how much you loved him. It is so extremely excruciating losing them. I wish you some peace in time. Sending you hugs.
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Sampson
Rachel: I am so sorry for your loss. It made me feel so sad reading about him. Elliott was a handsome boy. I love the picture. I had a cat who died from kidney failure and it was so difficult. I really sympathize. I hope it will get easier for you with time. Prayers to you for healing from this terrible loss.
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rachel81
Thank you so much everyone, your words mean more to me than I can ever say.  It is true that I can't let guilt cloud my feelings...I just wish I could stop it.  I woke up this morning (2 days later) feeling like it's still a terrible dream and I just want to wake up and he'll be there waiting for me.  He would always run to me whenever I would walk into a room.  Some cats are a little aloof but Elliott never was.  He loved being loved and giving love in return. He loved his neck rubbed and would purr so easily. He was the sweetest tempered cat and so loving. So many times he would make me smile when I didn't want to, or listen to me when no one else would. He was my best friend and I will miss him so much.  

I do find some comfort in imagining him running free in the meadows, fully restored to health, having fun and making friends with all the other animals...he's so friendly he would quickly be surrounded with dogs and cats and bunnies and every other fur baby.  I imagine him rising up anew after being put down and going towards the light to green and trees and flowers and grass...forever roaming free and happy...it's the only thought that gives me some comfort.  

I also so we had kept his ashes or his body, but dad decided it was best to have the vet cremate his body and dispose of it.  That's another part of my problem; I feel like I haven't had any closure.  That's why I came to this site and set up a memorial for him here. It has seemed to help, especially with all the wonderful comments left by wonderful people like you.  You truly have helped and I appreciate you all more than you know.  Sending love to you and your departed fur babies. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
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Baumert81
Hello rachel81. I lost my buddy last Tuesday and it feels as though it happened yesterday. One thing that has helped me is reading the encouraging words from everyone here and also some very good books. One that I can recommend is the one below. Just reading the words and thoughts in this book made my soul feel better and even more connected to my baby. We are all here to support you, but its just a thought. My prayers are with you. Book.jpg 
Hogans Daddy
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rachel81
Thank you very much Baumert81, I will definitely check it out! 
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