catlover1
I lost my 12 year old cat 2 months ago and life is just not the same and I do not feel as if it could ever be as good again. Cody was such a sweetheart and always wanted to be around me. He slept with me, sat with me, everything I did he hung around with me.

I lost a previous cat Claudia in 2007 (she was my first cat and Cody loved her). I remember feeling really sad but my mom made all her medical decisions and took care of her so I do not know the logistics behind her cancer. I know she had two surgeries then got really bad and had to put her to sleep. She was only 7.

A few months later we got another sister for Cody since he seemed to be pretty sad. 6 months later my mother passed away so me Cody and Kaci moved in with another family member. We lived there a few years before getting our own place. 

Cody and Kaci were my responsibility from there on out. In 2012 Cody started getting constipation issues and would have to go to the vet for enemas every 6 months or so. We started him on a special dry food, cisipride, and lactulose after he had to go for an enemas twice in one week in early 2014. He got some bumps on his skin in July 2014 and when I brought him to his vet appointment in December 2014 the vet confirmed that they were mast cell tumors and that we should do surgery to remove them. In January 2015 Cody started having some diarrea so we took him off the two medicines and just kept him on the dry food and in February 2015 he had his surgery to have his bumps removed. He did so great during the surgery. During the surgery they checked to see if the mast cell had spread to his spleen and they did not! However in July/August 2015 his bumps came back so in September we made an appointment to have them checked out. He also had a water type noise in his lungs when breathing and purring so they did an xray for that too. They thought it was just an infection so they put him on antibiotics. There were too many bumps on him to remove them and the vet said that mast cell cancer does not progress as fast as in dogs. They were going to focus on the lungs but then a week later we had to bring him back a few times for enemas. I am not sure if this from from the antibiotic or from him eating less or both but he kept getting constipated. We had to put him back on the medicines both 3x a day and he hated this.

In December he started throwing up pretty much every single day hours after he would eat. And in early January 2016 he also pooped on the rug which he has never ever done before. We brought him back to the vet and they found that the mast cell tumors had spread to his spleen. His best bet was to have the spleen removed so we scheduled that for 3 days later. During those 3 days he was on more medicine that was supposed to make the surgery smoother and he did not throw up at all but he also did not poop. Before the surgery I told the doctor this and they said it would not be a problem for the surgery but he would need an enema after the surgery. Unfortunately I got the call that Cody passed right after the surgery. He had low blood pressure during the surgery, brought him back up, and finished the surgery. He was starting to wake up from the anesthesia when he took his last breath the vet said. When we went to say goodbye to his body I noticed he had staples instead of stitches like the last surgery which I thought was odd but I did not think to ask the vet.

The vet did not know what the issue was but thinks that he could have been the lung problem or maybe he had a heart arrhythmia. I feel terrible because I feel like the lung problem got pushed aside back in September when he started getting constipated again. I also feel bad that he had to have so much medicine his last few days and that we had to starve him the night before the surgery.

I really miss Cody and even though I still have Kaci it is different since she does not like love and attention the way that Cody did. Like I said he did everything with me. I do not even feel right ever getting Kaci a friend again because then that cat would pretty much be going in spots where Cody would go and I do not think I could handle that and that would not be fair to Cody or the new cat. Also Kaci and Cody used to be so close but once he started having the constipation issues Kaci started slowly distancing herself from him. She would still come near him but she would sometimes hiss or just act like the boss.

We have his ashes here now but we will probably spread them next month. My boyfriend and I discussed it as Cody would be free by doing this. I do not 100% want to only because I feel like I would be getting rid of him and his presence won't be felt in the house anymore, but at the same time I feel like if we hold onto his ashes and do it in a few years when we are finally able to move on then it would be worse getting rid of him then since we have moved on with our lives and I feel like it would be rude at that point. It's sort of a now or never situation. I just don't want anything to ever happen to his ashes...what if there is a fire, water leak, burglary, or what if they are just never looked at. A few weeks ago the fire alarm went off in our building and I had a friend over. We were so focused on getting ourselves out of the building and getting Kaci out that it didn't even cross my mind to get Cody's ashes until after we were outside. I felt TERRIBLE. Thankfully there was no fire but still.

I feel like this is so hard for me because Cody and I were so close and because he was the first cat I ever really took care of myself. I mean I take care of Kaci too but Cody was the one with the health issues.

Cody loved going outside on the porch and sitting in the sun. I worry if this could be what caused the bumps to come back, get worse, or spread. 

Sorry for all the rambling but my thoughts are all over the place as I am sure all of you can understand. 
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jimmy17
HI Catlover1 , I am so sorry on your loss of Cody -  it is obvious that the two of you were so close, and that you loved him so much.  Its awful when our beloved animals health starts to decline, you did everything possible for him and it was so sad that he passed straight after surgery.  
 When we had to have our 17 year old dog put to sleep just over 13 weeks ago it was unbearable - I`ve never felt as bad as that in my life before, even though we`ve lost dogs in the past. We had him cremated, and we`ve still got his ashes here with us. At the moment we`ve decided to keep them in our home, as I still feel he is here with me in a way. 
 I`m  glad you found this site - the people on here are all going through what you are feeling right now and are so caring, they`ve helped me get through this far.  
                           Sending you peace and hugs, Jackie.
J Taylor
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catlover1
Jackie-

Thank you for your kind words. I am glad I found this site as a place to talk about Cody. I do not like talking about my feelings about this in person as I start to get really upset and cry. We had a great last year together as I was laid off an unemployed for most of the year. I am glad I got to spend that time with him but I thought I had so many more years with him as he was only 12 years old. 
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NormaT
Dear Catlover1.

Seems like poor Cody had some rough times with his health. You are bound to miss him terribly. They are such a big part of our lives.
I'm not sure what might be best to do with his ashes. When our dog, Spike, was put to sleep over 3 weeks ago we didn't want his ashes and this was partly because of the very dilemma you describe now. In some ways I wish we had decided to have them. like Jimmy 17 says;  it would feel like he was here in a way.
We didn't even keep his collar because when he was re-homed with us he had it on and we rarely took it off in the 8 years we had him so it seemed right that he would go to Rainbow Bridge with it on ( I wonder if it is off now though) 
Perhaps you could spread some of his ashes and keep the rest until you decide what you want to do with them.  

Norma
Norma 
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catlover1
Thank you Norma. It is such a difficult decision. Looking at all his toys makes me sad but I do not want to get rid of those plus my other cat likes some of them as well. I have been starting to write down memories of what I loved and miss about him. I am doing so because as time goes on the little (but great) memories will be lost. I only have a handful of memories of Claudia and to be honest do not have many of Cody in his younger years so that is why I am writing this list to look back upon. 
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BeachieGirl33
So sorry for your loss.  Tomorrow morning will be 3 weeks since I lost my Little.  My Little had cancer also.  He fought it from April, 2015 until Feb. 24, 2016.  He had just turned 18 on Feb. 4.  There were a lot of similarities between our cats.  He had those horrible lumps.  He had 3 surgeries which wasn't easy for him at his age.  The lumps just kept coming back and got big so quickly.  The worst one was on his back.  He lost a lot of weight and finally quit eating.  I don't know if the cancer went inside.  I really don't think it did.  He had a healthy heart.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done to let him go.  I wanted God to make the decision for me but we finally had no choice.  He went with respect and dignity here at home in his bed in his favorite spot in front of his stove heater.  His brother Batman passed in my arms of kidney failure at he age of 13 on May 28, 2014.  And I lost my Mother on Jan. 4, 2013.  So the past 2 years have been sad for me.  But my husband and myself we fought the battles with our babies as long as they wanted to fight.  My Little had constipation issues for a big part of his life but we were able to deal with it.  I'm so sorry you lost your baby during surgery.  That was always my fear when Little had his surgeries.  Little also liked to lay in the sun at the door and also in front of the stove heater.  I wondered also if that had anything to do with the lumps coming back.  But I was told they were like fingers under the skin and they would keep spreading no matter how many times they were removed.   I just know it was very unfair to my baby and your baby to get this horrible cancer.   We have both of our babies ashes and will keep them always.  We have memorials for them also.   Anyway, you will be in my prayers.  I am new to the forums - just started yesterday.  Already it is helping.  Take care and trust in God.  Peace to you!
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jimmy17
I hope you find some comfort writing down your memories of Cody, I started writing a diary soon after Jim passed.  I found I started to remember lots of things I thought I`d forgotten from when he was a puppy, and I still write in it each day - I even write to Jim to let him know how I`m feeling and how much he is missed.  I think you`ll find it helps.

                                     Hugs Jackie.














J Taylor
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catlover1
Beachiegirl33- It is terrible that our kitties got this cancer. Like I said earlier my first cat Claudia also had cancer (though I am not sure what kind) and we had to put her to sleep shortly before her 8th birthday. I was very optimistic with Cody and am very sad that he passed during surgery and I did not get to say goodbye to him while he was alive. He knew I loved him very much though. I did spent a lot of time with him but I do wish I had spent even more time with him instead of spending a lot of time on the computer--I thought that he would have lived until at least 16 as most people I know their cats live until their 20's 
:(

Jackie- It has helped so far and you are right as soon as I start writing all these memories start flowing. I do not know why I do not remember much from when he was a kitty all the memories seem to be from the past 6 years. 
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