15 years ago we rescued our beautiful little shih tzu, Bailey. He has been abused (his spine had been fracked) but he was so willing to trust again. He loved his walks and playing with his toys. I took him everywhere - even to my doctor's office. When we would sit in the waiting room, people (who were waiting) seemed much happier as Bailey made it his business to greet everyone. Suddenly everyone was talking about the pets they have (or had) My doctor was so kind to Bailey and he loved her.
His love for life was so contagious. Even when my husband's father went into Long term care, Bailey greeted all of the residents and made each one feel special.
This fall he suddenly stopped eating. We tried everything. His blood work came back with a really high white blood cell count and antibiotics wouldn't touch it. He still refused to eat and we knew we had to say good bye. I had promised myself I would never let him suffer again.
I still remember his little head in my hand as the vet put him to sleep. I read him a poem called "I Loved you best". Suddenly I felt the tension go out of his head and I knew that he was gone. Now my world is so empty. Everywhere I look I think he should be there. I hate going to sleep because I know that when I wake Bailey will not be here. Most of all I miss just having his calm, beautiful presence here. My heart has gone with him.❤️
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Hi bailey 15,

Making these decisions are just the worst thing ever. I know because I had to do the same last week for our dog. The guilt and the emotions are terrible but please believe me when I say they are normal. You are at the right place to get loads of support and advice.

Thinking of you and sending a virtual hug.

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Bailey15,  first of all can I say what a beautiful life you gave to Bailey after such an horrific start , it seems to me reading your lovely story that he was so eager to give so much love to you for saving his life. 
  The decisions we have to take when they become old or ill are one of the hardest things we have to face, we had to have our 17 year old dog Jim pts almost 11 weeks ago - he was also a rescue dog, we took him in age 4 months  - some evil person had cut off his tail - but he was the sweetest, most loving little dog you could ever wish to meet.  These rescue dogs have so much love to give, and when the time is right ( if ever ), I would only consider another rescue. 
 I know when we lost Jim, the first few weeks were so awful. and I could only focus on his last few months, especially his last day - the change in adapting to life without him was very hard.  I started writing a diary, every memory I could recall, how I felt each day - I still write in it, I even write down little messages and poems to Jim. That, and being on this site and realising that we are not going through this alone has probably been the saviour of my sanity.
      Sending you hugs and peace, Jackie.

J Taylor
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I am so very sorry~ Bailey15. Reading your post rings so true with me. Almost hesitated responding because some times I feel like I reply too much :-) I can't fix the ALL CAPS in my sign on. Ugh. Then I remember that we are all here supporting each other. Sadly, we all understand. Knowing that Bailey was not only the heart of your life, sounds like he was also the star wherever he went-- including your doctor's office. Very cool. He not only knew that you saved him & loved him beyond true love, he reciprocated by giving his love to you and to everyone you brought him to meet. He/they are so intuitive. Not only making everyone else feel special-- like @ the long term care home, but also making you 'proud' too. Bailey knew how important he was in your life...and how much you loved him. But from all that you describe, he loved you beyond true love too. 

When you write that you were reading the poem as he crossed-- you got me. Tears streaming down. I read, write & adore poetry. Was taking a class when Lucy got very sick. (Write a poem a week & review other poets' work.) Even wrote a poem about Lucy's cyst bursting, infection, etc. as she lay next to me on the bed. I thought that the antibiotics would kick in & she'd get better. Since Lucy passed I haven't been able to write at all. In the maze/haze of that last day, it never even entered my mind to read a poem to her. I think I was humming our song. It's all a blur of crying, choking, raw emotion and then just total numbness.

That's why even though you've had a little time since losing your Bailey it all may still feel like, 'Ok wake me up. I don't like this bad dream'. Or I've had enough of this. I need my Bailey back. Maybe we are all still numb even though we try to resume 'life'. Different levels of 'numb' must be part of this grieving process because each day feels differently. I agree with many folks here. Getting a sign, or having a dream when we feel our best buds visit with us...helps. Totally agree about going to bed & waking-- like coming home to a hollow house. I hope that you always remember that your love with Bailey was true love right to the moment when you took his pain. You were able to give him peace-- to be right there holding him. And I hope that you gets signs from Bailey that help to ease your pain.  Hugs, Kasey

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