Tomorrow will be week 5 without my baby girl Bianca. I have cried everyday for her, and the pain only seems to get worse. She was 18 and lived a long happy life. In her 18 years she was never without us, never kenneled, or left home for too long. During her last year she became a handful, she was a princess and we treated her like one; her water was brought to her, she was picked up and put on the couch beside me when she could no longer jump, she got chicken breast cut finely and put into her bowl. She was usually up at all hours of the night wandering and we took care of her every need.

Since she has gone I am filled with such emptiness. I cry everyday and I feel as if the grieving will never stop. My other dog who loved her very much is heartbroken. Bianca's spot on the couch has remained empty, I catch my other dog, Cosmo looking there and watching out the window all day like he is waiting for her to come back. He has even started leaving food in his bowl and pushing it to the side, later once he realize nobody ate it he finishes it. In a way I think we both are- it doesn't seem real not having her in our lives. Cosmo crys daily as I do but has recently been distant from me. I feel like he blames me. As he watches for her out the window I wish I could do something to help him I just don't know what. If anybody has ever dealt with a grieving dog and been able to comfort them I could use the advice!!!

Me- I have taken to shutting people out, friends, boyfriends, everyone. I do not want to leave my home. I want to stay here and mourn and hang on to the memories I have. I don't feel the people in my life grasp my situation. Bianca was more than a pet she was family. When I was an only child she was my sibling, when my dad left she was there to love me, when she grew older it was like she was my child. I try to explain the overwhelming sadness I feel to the people in my life but I know it is futile. Is it wrong to want to stay home and be a hermit? Is it strange that I am still grieving after 5 weeks? I am heartbroken and I am unsure if or when I will ever heal.

The picture below is my Bianca and Cosmo tending to her as he always did! I wish I could give him comfort! I wish I knew he wasn't blaming me! I wish I could take away our pain!!
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I am so sorry for the loss of sweet Bianca, it sounds like she had the best life any dog could wish for with someone who loved her so dearly. I'm sorry you are still hurting so much after 5 weeks, but I don't think that is strange at all. Everyone here on this forum has a broken heart from the loss of a beloved friend, and I think many will attest that the hurt can last for a long time. I had to put my cat Mucha to sleep at the beginning of last December, so it has been just over 3 months for me. I still miss him every single day, and some days I still cry for him. We still have his brother Barsten here, they were best friends and never apart. Barsten mourned his brother for a good 2 months - he was more needy of affection, he slept more than usual, sometimes his appetite was low, and he searched the apartment for his missing brother. It absolutely broke my heart. Animals grieve for their closest friends just like we do, and I think the best thing to do is just give Cosmo extra love and attention and play, try to keep his routine as normal as possible, and just be there for him and you will make it through this together. And please do not feel like he is blaming you for what happened! That is simply your own grief playing tricks on you. Many people on this forum have felt guilt about the loss of their friend at some point, even though they were absolutely not to blame for what happened. Our animals rely on us so much for everything that we feel like it is our fault when we can't fix them, they are so helpless like children. But it is so clear that you did absolutely everything you could to give Bianca a long wonderful life, and in time I hope it is easier for you to think about all the wonderful years you had together, all the great things you did for her, instead of the time when you had to let her go. Sending you best wishes for peace and healing.
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