I never wanted a yucky dog. They lick your face and themselves. Gross! They jump. Grrrr! Then, my now ex husband begged for a dog and I gave in. Immediately, upon seeing him, I was in love. He went everywhere with me, he went to daycare and even had dinner with us every night. We played, we walked. I did everything with him, even making sure he could go away with us when we traveled and he became a hotel traveler (Sheratons were our fave).

After nearly 12 years, he seemed tired and not as hungry. The day after he turned 12, I took him to the vet who sent us to the University pet hospital. My worst fears came true: he was dying of GI Lymphoma. Money wasn't an issue and I was happy to spend every cent I had as long as he was willing. Koda was very much a person to me and made decisions; people say animals have no soul and I feel sorry for those people because mine did, he was so gentle...such an absolute joy.

He took one treatment; then, he decided not to get in the car again. We had to help him in and out to potty because they tried to cut out the tumor and couldn't. His cut healed but was very tired. We were told he'd live only 6-8 weeks without treatment and that he'd suffer potty accidents, quit eating and drinking. Well, he had his fave chicken livers the day he passed away...and slept right by my daughter that last night, happy and content.

Seeing him in the morning was devastating but he went in his sleep surrounded by all his 4 legged brothers and sister, and his humans family was near too. I've not let go. He was my best friend. I took him when I divorced because he preferred me. My new husband loved him. Everyone did. But to me, it's like losing my child. Every day is hard. He passed on 11/14/2015 and I think of him constantly and cry often. I miss him. His ashes are in a beautiful urn beside my bed, I touch it often. This just sucks. Nothing takes away the sadness.
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So sorry for  your loss.  Its good he died at home surrounded by love. 

October 31, 2002 - April 19, 2016 10:25 P.M.
My best friend, my companion, my love


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Dear Kodasmom,
That is so heartbreaking.
I'm so very sorry for your loss!!
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I am so sorry for your loss! You were so close and I know how painful it is to have to say good bye. I have Bailey's ashes in an urn as well and I find it somehow comforting (but it's been a little while - was 6 months yesterday) to have them inside - and close. I found it helpful to write in a journal to Bailey - esp when I couldn't sleep (most nights) just to tell him how much I missed him and how I was feeling. I also jotted down some poems that I came across (some great, ones on this Forum) and sometimes little notes about something that had happened. It does get slowly better with time but of course they stay in our hearts forever.
Hoping you find some peace and sending hugs!!
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So very sorry for your loss. As time passes it doesn`t get any easier, we lost out dog Jim 5 months ago and sometimes I think reality has only just started to set in.  Like MJ,  I started a journal which I still write in each day, and that along with being on this forum is what has helped me get through some really bad days.   It really is like losing a family member - if not more, as dogs give such unconditional love, they love you for who you are, not for what you can give them.  I have Jims ashes in a little wooden casket, which we take upstairs with us each night , that helps too - as if a little part of him is still here in our home. 
                                                                                         Hugs, Jackie
J Taylor
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Isn't it funny how they work their way into our hearts even though it might be the last thing we think we would want? The love of a precious pet is so pure and unconditional.

Your loss is still so fresh and raw for you now but, in time, the intense pain you feel now will give way to wonderful remembrances of the beautiful time you shared with your Koda.

My deepest condolences for your loss!
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