Jaxon must have been such a sweet boy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I just had to put my darling kitty Tomasina to sleep this afternoon, and I went through many of the same emotions- I watched the injection and so badly wanted to tell them to take it away, to stop it and let her be. I still can't believe I gave them the okay, it feels like a nightmare.
I try to keep in mind that.. There comes a point, when our babies are no longer truly living, instead they are simply surviving and cannot thrive as they should... When they are no longer truly living, and there's no way to bring them back to that, then it is the right thing to let them rest. It will get easier, with time, but do allow yourself the tears for now if you feel you need to. But, also don't feel bad if you muster up a laugh or two sometimes, that's okay! It's part of healing, too, even though it does feel very awkward and forbidden. Be true to yourself and you will find healing. My thoughts are with you.
Wait for me at the Bridge, my darlings... Bimmer, Mag, Ninetales, Espio, Foxy, Toby, BK, Leo, Church, Tuffy, and Tomasina- each teaching me a valuable lesson, and each giving me immeasurable amounts of love. You will
never be forgotten. We bring these creatures into our lives despite knowing that we will someday have to say goodbye. We do this because we know that the grief is a small price to pay for the lifetime of love we receive from them.