Yorkie_Mom
I had to put my 2 Yorkies down on Thursday.  I can't stop crying!  They would have been 15 in January.  Magnolia Blossom (Maggie) was born on 1/22/1999 and Bloomin' Jasmine (Jazzy) was born on 1/28/1999.  I got them when they were 7 weeks old.  First I got Jazzy....what a little mess she was!  But, she did not like being an only child.  So 4 days later, I bought Maggie.  The two were inseparable.  They would lay together on their pillow and either Jazzy's head was on Maggie's body or Maggie's arm was over Jazzy's body.  Losing one of them would have been hard, but losing them both is devastating.  2 years ago in August Maggie developed a heart condition.  She did really well with the condition until the last few months.  Although she ate fairly well, she lost so much weight and went from over 6 pounds to just over 3 pounds.  She became weak and her little legs would come out from under her.  She had dementia and would walk in circles constantly.  Jazzy ended up blind and deaf about 6 months ago.  She had gastrointestinal problems for several years and earlier this year had kidney problems.  I found out that her litter mate (a boy) passed away in 2011 with kidney problems.  Jazzy also lost a lot of weight and went down to 3 pounds.  She was very confused all the time because she couldn't see or hear.  She was losing her sense of smell.  It would break my heart watching her try to find her water bowl.  I used to hand feed her because she had trouble finding her food bowl.  For a coupe of months I have been knowing I needed to make this decision.  I talked to my vet almost every day.  What a saint he is!  So, I made the decision to send them back to the Lord 2 days ago.  I cannot stop crying.  My life centered around them.  I live alone and my house is so empty.  I miss them so much I just can't stand it.  PLEASE tell me it gets easier.  I'm so sad and my heart is broken.  My head knows I made the best decision for them.  My heart knows I made the best decison for them.  Then, that other piece of my heart is broken.  I'm so lonely without them!  Thanks to all for listening!
Pam
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nelsondonna001
Sweetie Boy.jpg I am so sorry for your double loss.  But try to take comfort that they are together still and are now young and healthy again. It will be a year on January 5th that I had to make the dreadful decision to put my sweet Shadow to sleep.  He was tired of fighting and very ready to go but it took me awhile to be able to do it.  He and I had a connection on a spiritual level and communicated w/o words.  That morning I told my husband to take him outside for one last little walk.  He so loved the outdoors and would follow us for walks (I think he thought he was a dog instead of a cat).  He gave me a look that morning like nothing I had ever seen him do before  almost like he was saying, thank you Mom for letting me go).  My husband held him and it was quick an painless).  We brought him home and he was placed in his little casket that my husband built and covered with a piece of his favorite afghan).   We made a garden where his grave is and I have such comfort caring for it.  I plan to decorate it for Christmas.
Two months after he was gone I went to an event with  a world renowned medium.  There were over 200 people there and I was hoping to get a message from either my Mom, Dad, Brother or Shadow.   Just before the end of the event, the medium started walking towards me, saying, "did someone recently lose a cat".   Everyone laughed but she said that often beloved pets will come through to her.  She knew exactly how old he was and   that it had been 2 months since he passed.  She started to walk away and then said, "this cat just won't leave me alone".  She looked in my eyes and said she was feeling such a strong bond.  She assured me that he was o.k. and was back with my brother in Heaven.  If you ever get a chance to read her book - her name is Maureen Hancock and she has a fan page on facebook and her book is "The Medium Next Door".   I have always believed in life after death and also that are pets go there too but having this message really helped me to deal with my loss.   I still miss him every day and talk to him like he is still here (because I believe his spirit does visit me).  You will always have that place in your heart that feels an emptiness but in time it will fill in a little bit with happy memories.
Donna Nelson
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LG
Hi Pam and Donna,
    I am so, so sorry for the loss of your babies. I lost my sweet dog, Chili, in April and have had a difficult time, as everyone who has that BOND with their fur babies does. It is so heartbreaking, even when you know it's coming. There doesn't seem to be any preparation for it, other than to do all we can to show our love and devotion to our babies before that horrible day comes.

Donna, I found a lot of comfort in your telling of the encounter with the medium. I appreciate you sharing that. I'll be getting her book, I think.

Pam, I'm afraid there will be lots of tears in the days to come. I cry almost every day still, but there are moments now when I can look at Chili's pictures and smile, or talk about her stubborn, willful ways and laugh. I have found many ways to honor her and they make me cry, but they do help. I spent hours and hours designing a granite grave marker for her, finding just the write picture and saying to be engraved on it. I made photo albums of her pictures and downloaded pictures into a digital frame. I made two web memorials for her, on at Wings of Compassion (the first memorial site I found) and then just the other day here, at Rainbow Bridge. I visit them almost daily and light candles for her or leave virtual treats. I write poems, I put flowers on her grave and sit and talk to her. I put flowers by her picture in our family room and sometimes light a candle.

I think these things have helped me to honor her. I cry a lot. I never thought of myself as a "crier", but I've certainly turned into one! I have such a need for her to be remembered, for others to know that her life held purpose and meaning. I find comfort in talking to others on line who understand such overwhelming, gut-wrenching grief, and I find comfort in people visiting Chili's memorials and honoring her by leaving a "treat".

I know this is very fresh for you. I know the pain is unbearable. Remember, you are not alone in your grief. Others DO understand. Do what you need to do for yourself, regardless of what others might think. Your needs are your needs and your grief will take as long as it takes. I hope some of the things that I've done might give you some ideas of ways to honor your babies and help yourself. My heart breaks for you today....

My thoughts for comfort and peace are with you. I'm sure your babies are sending their love to you from The Bridge.

Sincerely,
LG
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Yorkie_Mom
Dear Donna and LG,

Thank you so much for your comforting words.  Donna, I found great comfort in your story about the medium.  I will get her book.  I do know that pets go to heaven because I can't even imagine that God would create something for us to love so much and not let us be with them in our eternal life.  My faith in God is helping me through.  I've cried uncontrollably every day.  The evenings are so difficult because that's when I would sit on the sofa and hold them in my lap.  I used to kiss them so many times a day!  I look at their pictures and wish they were young, healthy and still with me.  But, I know they didn't want to go on being frail and ill.  My little Jazzy was so scared all the time because she couldn't see anything and couldn't hear so she couldn't even follow my voice.  It used to break my heart.  I've been in Houston working this week and just got home tonight.  I hated walking into my house knowing they weren't here.  I always looked forward to coming back from business trips because I couldn't wait to see them and hug and kiss them.  Tonight it was so quiet when I walked in.  I have to get used to the silence.  I hope it's normal to not be able to get interested in television programs or even listen to the radio.  My thoughts are consumed with those two little girls!!!

Thank you so much for replying to me.  We all form such a bond with our pets and I really feel like I've lost my two best friends.  No matter how bad my day was, they were here to cheer me up!  I still feel their presence here in my house and still feel their love with me.  They will always live forever in my heart!!!

Pam
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LG
Hi Pam,
    Yes, coming home is hard. I know for me it was hard to be home, go to bed (where Chili slept against my belly), or be interested in TV. Being out wasn't any better, though, because I just didn't have an interest in things in general.

What your going through is completely normal and to be expected when you are grieving your little ones so very strongly. Whatever you need to do for yourself is ok. I wish I could do something to help you, but I know little will help right now.....

I am thinking of you, though, sending prayers out for you and your little ones. I'm sending thoughts for comfort and peace to you as well.

Warm regards.
Lauren (LG)
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heartsick

I am so very sorry for the loss of both of your sweet precious baby girls.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -

 LOVE NEVER DIES.

The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

Grief takes time. It usually takes the whole first year of “firsts” without them to take a true deep breath again. Be kind to yourself. None of this is easy.

Since you know that their brother also died of a kidney problem it sounds as if these babies came from a puppy mill breeder who did not know to go back 3 generations for health records before breeding dogs. There are some people who take any male and female dog and think it is fine to breed them even when they are closely related. They sell these puppies to stores from their puppy mills. It is very sad for the puppies and the people who love them so very much.

I am here for you.

We are all here for you and we care about you and we understand.

You Are In My Thoughts.                                      

Susan(heartsick)

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Yorkie_Mom
Lauren,

Thank you for your prayers! I really need them.

Susan,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.  My brother passed away and my parents had to bury their son.  I know what they went through every day.  Now they are all together in heaven. 

I got my babies' ashes back yesterday.  It was very emotional and I had a really rough evening.  I finally got to sleep about 2:30am. 

I'm leaving on a cruise today and a hoping some time away will help a little.  but, I know, when I come back I'll go through the same thing because when I open the door to my house it will be empty.

This is a great site.  I'm happy someone told me about it because it is helping me be able to talk about it, cry while I'm typing without anyone telling me I need to take deep breaths.  I know my family, especially my daughter, is worried about me.  I'm having trouble eating.  Every time I eat something I have a knot in my chest.  I'm hoping I will find peace knowing their remains are back at home with me.  I've put them in my curio with y Seraphim Angel collection.  Right where they belong....they are my angels!!!

Thank you, both, for your kind words and understanding.  God Bless You!

Pam
Pam
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