2001...It seems like just yesterday I was on my way to the humane society to save a puppy's life...I even had one in mind. Surely not Mackenzie, she was skinny & small, with long gangly legs...not what I had envisioned. But she knew as soon as we locked eye just what she wanted...ME. I insisted we get the chubby little dog that wanted nothing to do with us. But thankfully, God intervened, and the next day she was climbing out of a little box into my lap on the way home...

She had found a Mommy to love her, and I, found a best I would come to love more than life itself. I had a dog that would teach me about love, forgiveness, and laughter...she changed my life for the better.

Jan. 11, 2012: Diagnosis...Lymphosarcoma, Cancer. Mackenzie had Cancer. So what do I do now? She started her first Chemo Jan. 18 and by Feb. 4, 2012...just 11 SHORT years later she was gone. Just 3 days ago Mackenzie lost her battle with Cancer. I had to make THE most PAINFUL & unselfish decision on my life...I had to put her body to rest. They wanted to give her more meds & more IVs...but when I looked into her eyes...I just could not put her little body through anymore. So I stayed with her until her last little breath...and she woke up in Heaven.

So why do I feel like I am in H*LL? I feel like I lost my child, a piece of my life I can never get back. I feel like this pain is never going to end. I just want to hold my friend again.

Missing Mackenzie
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You did lose your child - but you among friends here-
We ALL understand and we are all here for you.
When one loses someone we Love we don't stop loving them-
The raw searing pain of new grief is the most awful pain.
I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son-
at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor
I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.
Grief is something that very slowoly- over time- one learns to incorporate ito one's life until it becomes a part of you like your bones and your breath.
We are ALL here for you.
We are all on the path of grief together.
Please come back - when you are able and tell us about your life with Mackenzie.
I care.
We all care.
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(((HUGS)))   Your post made me cry.  I am so sorry about Mackenzie. Take time to grieve your loss and remember to take care of yourself.  You are not alone in this and we are all here for you.

Remember, if you need to chat, you can find me on the chat or PM me anytime.

Momma of Count (cat angel), Kashi, Lucky, Calvin and Hobbes
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Gen, I am sorry for your loss but be comforted you made the right decision and that Mackenzie is now in a place where cancer cannot touch her. I lost my Grant 10 days ago to cancer as well. I am praying that cancer in all it's forms is eradicated from our lives soon. God bless and I hope peace and comfort come soon to us all.
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Hi Gen,
Just wanted to say hi and that I'm sorry for your loss. I too am recently bereaved... I had to have my girl, Phoebe, put to sleep in the early hours of last Saturday. She became ill very suddenly and now she's gone and I miss her more than words can say.

But do you know what? We both experienced something wonderful...unconditional love. My Pheebs had only ever know pain at the hands of a previous owner and when I think of that I get soooo angry, but I made it my mission to show that girl nothing but love and she knew how much I adored her and sometimes if I was really lucky she would kiss me and I would know she loved me right back.

Be kind to yourself, take your time and just think how wonderful it will be to see our loved ones again. I'm so sad, but I feel Phoebe with me and I know I'll see her again and she'll come running...looking for her prawns!

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We all understand the horrific pain you are in.
Please know that this raw searing pain of new grief is the worst.
You don't have to eat if you don't feel like it but you need to make sure you get enough non-alcoholic and non-caffeine fluids so you do not dehydrate.
I sought out a psychiatrist grief counselor because I needed meds to help me sleep as I had not sleptwithout my by for fourteen years.
Many of us on here have sought out counseling.
Coming on here to write helps - or writing privately in a journal may help.
Just know that you are here among people who understand you and care about you.
You are in My Thoughts.
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