Leahbeahis
Today Lucy was scheduled to have surgery to remove the cataract in her left eye. She only had to live with it for 2 months and I'm grateful for that, but it makes me sad at the same time. I did so much to keep her here, I just can't believe that something so simple as a leash twisted in dining chairs took her. After I came back from the vet on Nov. 7th, I took a picture of the "scene" and I look back at it still trying to make sense of it. I wanted to have a better idea of when she was going to leave me. I would've spent extra time with her and played her favorite games and given her the forbidden people food. She had a few flare ups of pancreatitis a few years ago and had since then been on a very strict prescription diet. She was not even allowed to have any treats. I just miss her so much. She would always follow me wherever I went. I couldn't even use the bathroom in privacy. She'd stare at me. It was menacing to me then but now I think of it as a show of how much she loved me and wanted to be near me always. Nights are the worst, as you all know. I don't have my cuddle buddy pushing her little 5lb body towards mine. I sleep with her toy heart but it isn't the same without Lucy. It's interesting how material things have no meaning, it's the person/dog/living creature who puts the meaning into "things". When I bought this toy, it was just a stupid heart, and when Lucy played with it, it was just her toy. Now, I cling to it like it's my lifeline.

I love you, Lucy, my little girl. I'll be there to reunite with you someday. In the meantime, enjoy yourself. You deserve all the best.

~ Leah
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MotherPugger
I'm so sorry, I just lost my little pug Sammie unexpectedly on Dec. 6th and I'm dying too, you're not alone, they are part of us, so it's like losing a piece of you! Everything is hard right now, sleep, wake, etc. I get it, so just know you showered her with love, because there's no doubt in my mind that Lucy knew and loved you for it! There's just never enough time with them :( hugs!
Heidi 
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Leahbeahis
Thank you, Heidi. It's just so hard not having her with me anymore. I know you recently lost Sammie and so the pain is very raw for you right now. No, even if we had them for as long as we have ourselves, still it wouldn't be enough. I hope you are taking care of yourself as it is easy to forget in times like this.
~ Leah
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Leahbeahis
I'm missing my little girl more and more every day. It's been 21 weeks since she left this earth. It helps to try and not think about it. I find that this is the only way to move forward when I don't want to. Maybe this is a defense mechanism. It's too painful to think that she isn't here with me anymore even though it's so obvious in everything I do. I hope she went quickly, I hope she didn't suffer too much. I still have those moments where I'll hear her whine for me and it tricks my mind. I hope I'll get to see her again in the end.

~ Leah
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Leahbeahis
22 weeks have gone by Luc Luc. I hate that time will keep moving us apart yet slowly bring us together again. I miss you. I miss looking into your big, beautiful eyes. Everything changes in life. Nothing lasts forever, especially not the good things. You were a good thing, my little girl. You gave me everything. I hope I gave you even a fraction of the love that you gave me. I will never ever forget you, my love.
~ Leah
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jonancy
What a sweetheart. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby nine weeks ago and it seems the more time passes the more I miss him. Yesterday (Thursday -9 week anniversary) was one of the worse for me. Your lack of privacy brought a smile to my face, Scooter would sit outside watching me, if I closed the door he would try to push it open or just stand out there and "yell" at me. How I miss the lack of privacy now.

Take care,

Jonancy...Scooters mama
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Leahbeahis
Thank you, Jonancy. Scooter is too cute, I love his coloring. I'm sorry you lost him. It's hard to explain but at first the pain of losing your baby is hard to bear. Now, at 23 weeks, it's more bearable but there is somehow more sadness with the more amount of time that passes by. You are still in the first wave of grief, which is difficult to get through. I still have many days where I can't believe Lucy is gone. She was in my life for so long and I knew her through and through. I miss watching her play and cuddling with her at night. I miss her goofiness. I miss stroking her soft, silky fur and her curly tail. This type of loss sucks. I hope this week has been better for you.

~ Leah
~ Leah
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Leahbeahis
Today marks six months since I last held my little girl. I can't wrap my brain around the concept that I don't have Lucy in my life anymore, at least not in the physical aspect. My life will never be completely fulfilled without her. I miss her more and more every day. I now dream of her constantly which is rare for me. I still jump and look for her frantically whenever the doorbell rings, because I am expecting her to dart for the door to warn intruders that there is a 5lb Chihuahua waiting to attack. Some days I'm just numb. I can't think of good times because it's too sad and I can't think of her death because it's too disturbing. That's how I get by, I don't think about it. When I do think about Lucy, I feel an intense sense of emptiness. A piece of my heart is missing. Life will move on and time will pass but I'll never forget this amazing little dog that changed my life for the better.

~ Leah
~ Leah
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