mgrell
First post to this forum, which I found today after deciding to see if such a thing even existed.  I lost one of my pack on Jun 12 of this year due to chronic kidney failure.  I have daily cries over him, still can't believe it happened.  I've made a list of everything I can possibly remember about him so I never forget anything.  Jack was an 11.5 year old Border Collie, a very beautiful and kind soul.  Like all our pets, he had his very distinct ways.  Just hearing him walk I could tell it was him.  Or drink.  Or bark.  Or 'talk' like he liked to do.  Of my 3 Border Collies, he was the leveler, always there to make you smile no matter what.  The void left without him seems enormous.  My every-day routines feel so foreign because I'm missing a step in each now.  Everything reminds me of him; I've had to put away certain toys that were his as I can't take seeing them.  What I would do to feel his furry head, press my face to him, smell in his distinct 'Jack' scent, runs my fingers through his fur...  instead I have an urn with his name on it.  Such intense pain.

But here I am, barely able to see the screen now due to tears, and Blaze, his sister from another mister (and another mother actually) is licking my arm, she senses my pain and is here to comfort me.  I appreciate it a lot.

To everyone here that's lost a fur baby, I truly understand how you feel.
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Mike
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scottwelsh38
I am sorry for your loss. Mike, I cry every day over Elsie. I put her down Tuesday morning. I am at a loss over her.
Stay strong my friend. Never forget.
Scott L Welsh
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Mdmoore
My heart going out to you for Jacks passing. This website has helped me not to feel alone as we are all going through sadness and pain for losing our fur babies.  There is not much that can be done to take away the tears, but just be there for each other.  Hand in there.   Mel
M moore
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CathyD
Jack was so beautiful 💕, I'm so sorry you lost him. I feel the same about my Ginger - I desperately need to sink my face in her fur and feel her purr but I just have her ashes and pictures. You're not alone here in not seeing the screen for tears too- I just thought before I read your post that most ppl here must have wet screens! We loved our babies so much, and they loved us no matter what, and it is so hard because we are missing something that was so special.
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goodbyegus
This is heart breaking. I lost my Gus around the same time. I know how you feel
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P_Mom
Dear Mike, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Jack looks like such a playful, fun boy - so beautiful. ❤ I too lost my boy Patch to kidney failure. I understand your pain. I have two boys and like you said - you know their distinct nails clicking on the floor, their barks, drinks from water bowl, the sound of their shakes from head to tail after waking, their wants and needs.  We truly understand your love and pain here.  Sending love and much comfort your way.  XO

^your girl feels your loss as well as her own. Dogs are so compassionate. ❤️  I've bonded with Sam even more (Patch's brother from another mother) through our grief together.
Jennifer
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mgrell
Thanks everyone, I truly appreciate the words - it's clear we're all travelling the same road here.  There is comfort in that in that for sure even though we are sure one huge pile of pain.  I just said good morning to him like I always do, anyone outside of this group wouldn't understand or would think I was crazy, but I just have to.

I struggle with his passing especially as he had to be put down (after blood work revealed just how bad his condition was).  It was done at home but in my mind it was a terrible passing.  I got to hold him and comfort him, but he seized after the first needle and it was absolutely horrific.  For that I feel guilty beyond words, what I did to my boy when he was at his worst.  Yes, I read it's a kindness, but the visuals, the sounds and feeling him in my arms going thru it can never be forgotten.  I tell him over and over how sorry I am, I'm not a praying person, but I pray he's heard my words.
Mike
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P_Mom
I'm so sorry you had to experience that during the already most difficult time. While I'm sure it doesn't make it easier, try to remember it was a very short amount of time and soon after he was pain free.  In the comfort of your arms and home - the best possible place he could be. ❤
Jennifer
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mgrell
Thank you.  I've been having a really hard week, still raw from losing Jack, now Dexter, another Border Collie which I got 2 days before Jack has been in hospital with some unknown ailment preventing him from eating.  Diagnostic costs have run into the thousands already and still no guess at what is wrong.  I am fearing the worst.  I got to spend 1 hour with him yesterday in the hospital.  I am feeling absolutely gutted by all this.
Mike
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mgrell
Some happy news, Dexter is home and recovering.  No idea what happened with him but he's "doing well".  So happy to have him home, could not handle another loss.
Mike
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P_Mom
Oh Mike that is great news.  They have no idea what caused it?  Glad he's feeling and doing better.  So scarey when we don't know what's going on.  I bet Jack was looking out for Dexter. ❤ Love up your baby - paws crossed he continues to feel better. 
Jennifer
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