... I had to get my 14yr old blue girl put to sleep yesterday almost exactly 12 hours ago. My boyfriend's family she was a part of for 14years and I was lucky to be a part of those three yeas where she was living with us. We knew it was gonna happen but nothing can prepare you for it. Last week of November 2013 she was fine. ..still the same etc...then in December things started changing and by new years she was deaf blind in pain and breathing difficulty . We made the decision on Tuesday this week (today is now Friday) I havr been an emotional wreck since then. ..watching her struggle and bang into things brokemy heart. New years eve I was with her beside her telling her I love her and patting her.
Yesterday morning she was wagging her tail for the first time since December. ..and I broke down. ...we gave her a super last meal...I sat down and held her face and told her im soo sorry sbd I love you and im so sorry. ... even my partner luke who is one of those. Tough guy broke down. ...mother and sister in law accompanied me to thr vet. I held her when her heart stopped. ...I kept patting her saying im so sorry so sorry I love you (I was bawling in the car on the way and kept saying I'm so. Sorry I don't want you to leave ).
I've bee careful crying non stop yesterday just woke up. ..But can't go to work my emotional state are now physical with headaches between the eyes and just feeling empty and guilty. I even. Prayd to. God last night telling him plz take care of her. ..I dreamt about a labardoor I rescued but I want blue girl. ..:( im trying to cry but I can't. ..I miss her terribly and feels so guilty.
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I'm sorry for your loss. It is a difficult decision to make and keep when you have to put your pal to sleep. We are all experiencing what you are. I found that if I kept myself busy, it made the day go by quicker. I took breaks and still cried and grieved. It's not a bad thing to be crying as I've been crying for a month now from the loss of my Whisper.

Sending you warm thoughts.
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I didn't cry yesterday, but I wanted to. Feel like I should, because it truly expresses my heartbreak. I feel closer to my lost furbaby when I cry. I guess thats why I want to. But grief is a roller coaster, you can't really control the ups and downs. You just have to allow yourself to work through the different emotions, and we all grieve differently. I want so badly to dream of my girl too. But I don't dream. It hurts so much to have her gone, the routines changed, the daily memories feel like they are already fading. I don't want to let go of the pain that comes with my love. It doesn't feel right. Not yet. Not ever.
Love is eternal....
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If possible try to keep busy and be around people who understand what you are going through, it seems all of us here are going through the same emotions and those 2 things seem to help a bit. Your right about the grief being a roller coaster today I was fine but this afternoon I was at the hairdresser and the girl asked about my Smokey and I teared up again, mourning and grief takes time and it is different for everybody, I wish you some peace and I believe Blue girl is bounding around in that rainbow place, healthy and happy same as my Smokey.
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