It's been about four weeks since I lost my sweet little Bella kitty. She was only 3 1/2 years old. She came to me as a long term foster because no one wanted her due to a severe heart defect. From the moment she got out of her carrier, it was like she was coming home. Bella helped foster 40 kittens over three years. She loved each and every one, always putting the kittens before herself.
The guilt of not being home with Bella on her last day is overwhelming. I should have taken the day off to be with her. I missed the signs, but maybe I was in denial. I thought she had more time, but the signs were right in front of me. She waited for me to come home and passed shortly after. I always put everyone ahead of myself and why I didn't stay home with her is horrible.
I donated her food to our shelter yesterday and donated the rest of her medication to the vet's office to help those who can't afford medication for their little one. I was hoping that knowing it will help others will bring peace, but it did not.
Fostering will begin again in the spring. It won't be the same without my little girl. She was a tremendous helper. Most cats would have a difficult time with having "strangers" around, but she loved each and every one. I know they are all better for being loved by her.
Bella didn't like to be alone and I left her alone when she needed me most. She waited for me to come home before she passed. I will never stop regretting the worst decision I have ever made.
I will always miss you every second of every moment of every day, my sweet baby girl. You are my heart.