Mrs_C
I had to put my 15 year old diabetic cat, Emmitt, to sleep yesterday. That was one of the hardest things that I had to do. He was diabetic for 2 years and I gave him insulin twice a day. He was diagnosed with a thyroid condition about 2 months ago, and even though his thyroid condition was cured or I guess in remission, his glucose started to shoot up. From a cat who had normal glucose levels to the highest reading of 614, it kept climbing. He was insulin resistant no matter how many units they decided to have me pump him with. He used to weigh 16 pounds and yesterday, he weighed 8.9. My vet told me to transfer him to the ER, he was in grave condition. I transported him to the ER says said his prognosis was poor and even if we did take him home, this would all happen again. What made me take him to the vet was that I thought he was dead the day before. He was listless, didn't eat and had no energy. He was slowly dying in front of us for a month. I did my best to help him. And I'll also say that my vet did the best that they could for him. I have to believe it.

I knew the end was near. I felt it in my bones when I left him for observation at the ER. I couldn't talk to the vet the following day, she wanted to run $5000 worth of tests and have him in the care of the ER for an additional $2000+. I was okay with $4000 but I knew that we couldn't do this. I was so emotional, I couldn't talk to her... She also said that even with the tests, they may never find what's wrong with him, his organs were failing. I made my husband call them and that's when they discussed euthanasia. I already knew that deep in my heart that all the money in the world wouldn't save him or have a good quality of life.

I wanted to be with him when they administered the euthanasia, I wanted him to know that I was there for him till the end. Some people say that when you see them pass, they look peaceful. It was actually traumatizing for me, it wasn't my cat on the table and he didn't look peaceful. He had all these ports and bandages in his legs and he was just miserable. I knew he was in pain and apologized to him.

I also have another senior cat (Callaway) who is 17 years old. They didn't really get along but I know he's looking for Emmitt. I read that you shouldn't do drastic changes to the stuff in the house... But I have a separate bowl of water and cat food for Emmitt because he wasn't fond in sharing. I find myself changing the water and cat food just in case Callaway wants to eat from it. I'm thinking, should I remove it?

Anyways, I'm finding myself crying here and there. Well I cry when I think of him then it turns into an ugly Kim Kardashian sob later, lol. I know it'll pass but man, this hurts. I miss my little Sunshine.

If no one responds to this, I'm okay with it. It's comforting to read other stories to know that I'm not overreacting to my cats death. I'm glad that this forum is open to share.
Quote 0 0
Tankie12
You are definitely not overreacting! 15 years of life and love is a huge loss, it’s heartbreaking! What is his name? Hes a handsome boy! You 2 fought a good fight, it’s not easy giving cats insulin twice a day. You did do your best, you also made sure he didn’t endure anymore testing that wouldn’t have changed the outcome.
I would leave his bowls out. Calloway doesn’t need anymore changes right now. It may also bring you some comfort to have them as they’ve been. Not much has changed in my house, I haven’t moved or removed to many things. A few were just to painful, like your medical supplies.
I’m very sorry for all you’ve been through, this is a wonderful place to write your feelings, we are all at some stage of grieving and truly understand whatever you’re going through. Take care and be extra kind to yourself,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
Quote 1 0
Mrs_C
Thank you so much for the support. His name was Emmitt. I definitely removed his medical supplies and meds, it was sad to remove it but I had to. I’ve left Emmitt’s bowl out and Callaway has been eating from there 😃 I don’t think I’m ready to remove anything yet. But again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m hoping that Tankie is playing with Emmitt 🤗
Quote 0 0
PipersMother
Hi Mrs C,  I am very sorry for your loss.  Your love for Emmitt is evident and it sounds like you took great care of him.  He's such a beautiful boy! 

My Miranda kitty passed way 2 weeks ago at the age of 22, and while I am so grateful and blessed to have had that much time with her, it's a huge loss and I'm still in shock and bewilderment.  Like you, I tended to Miranda every day with sub-q fluids and other meds, trying to keep her healthy and prolong her life.  

Miranda's decline began when a new vet said to increase the amount of fluids, and then doing that changed her body composition which uncovered a hyperthyroid condition.  Between the extra fluid and the hyperthyroid condition, her heart started to over-work itself and she eventually filled up with fluid around her heart.  There was nothing they could do at that point because her organs were basically failing or getting ready to.  I really wonder if the new course of treatment that the vet recommended caused Miranda to decline sooner than she would have; it all happened quickly.  I think she could have hung on for another few months, but I can't think like that lest I get myself all worked up. 

It's so hard when our fur babies become older and they start to have ailments  We tend to think of them as babies or living stuffed animals, but they are in fact biological creatures with their own destiny and unfortunately we have to change roles from doting mom/dad to caretaker and decision-maker.  It's so hard to go through that.  I've been through it twice in 10 months (my Piper died last August), and once 14 years ago, and I'll never get used to it.  

Miranda's been gone 2 weeks now and I haven't moved her basket of medicine, nor have I cleaned up the spot on the floor where she had been laying. I put a picture of her there instead, swaddled in my sweater that she liked to lay on.  I can't stand making changes when I lose a pet, because it's just one more thing that is different. I want everything to stay as it was.  My dad, who has done some human grief counseling, says that's normal.  When someone dies, we want to keep the world exactly as it is because any changes represent a new world that our pet won't be part of, and we don't want that.   

Anyway, I wish you good blessings and comfort, and I celebrate the life of your sweet Emmitt.  He was here, and he mattered. 
Quote 1 0
Mrs_C
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know Miranda knew that you were a good mommy too. I understand what you mean about a new vet doing a change in our cat’s healthcare only to be left with no kitty. My vet was sick so I had his replacement. I still can’t believe Emmitt’s gone, it was just 3 days ago he was on my lap. I was hoping that he could be home for another month or so but I don’t want to think about the pain he would’ve been in. I know that Emmitt is playing with Piper and Miranda 🤗. Thank you for your kind words, it really means a lot to me.❤️
Quote 0 0
Sil
Mrs. C,

So sorry for your loss of Emmitt.  What a beautiful kitty.  My entire childhood was filled with kitty cats -that's what my beloved paternal grandmother used to call them-, there were at least four at any given time in her house.  All of them, were so loved.  Our pets - whether they are, Kitty Cats, Dogs, Birds or any type of these beautiful creatures, fulfill our lives.  They "change" our lives, they make our lives so much better.  And, when, they say good bye, our world changes, we mourn their loss.

My Sol -my very special male doggie - said good bye eleven months ago, I understand your pain, and I am truly sorry for your loss.  Hugs
Quote 0 0
Mrs_C
Thank you so much for the kind words. It’s been so comforting to me that I’m not alone with my pet grief. ❤️ I am also sorry for your loss. Sol sounded like a sweetheart. I hope he meets Emmitt ❤️🤗
Quote 0 0
exburt
You are not alone in your pet grief. 

Pls consider checking around for a new vet. It bothered me a lot reading what your vet did.  

What you did was absolutely correct, and I am glad you were there for Emmitt's passing, regardless of the circumstance. 

All the best, 
Burt
B Weinstein
Quote 0 0
Mrs_C
Thank you so much Burt for the kind words. It's been about 6 days since Emmitt has passed and I've been hanging in there. Today I had to pick up his paw print that the ER did for me. Still breaks my heart when I think of him but at least I'm not doing the ugly crying anymore. It's just weird that I can't hear him anymore. He was always a vocal cat.

I have another senior cat that I need to take care of and hoping he doesn't pass so soon from pet grief. So far, so good. They never really got along, Emmitt was the alpha cat. I've been spending extra time with him to keep him distracted. The only difference is that he wants to play more! He never really got to play as much since Emmitt was sorta a bully to him.

Anyways, thank you so much. I found a new vet that I will take my cat to. My friend works there and she assures me that I will be in good hands. I've learned so much from this loss and know next time to be more aggressive with my cat's healthcare. I won't let a vets laziness dictate my cats health.
Quote 0 0
TobiasMan
Dear Mrs C, so sorry to hear about losing Emmitt. He sounds like a wonderful boy.

Taking care of them so intensely at the end of their lives leaves the feeling of neglect once they pass - like I should be out there, with him, taking care of him. It's heartbreaking.

Prior to losing my sweet boy Toby (7/1/18) and my baby girl Izzy (3/17/14), they had both been on long-term, daily routines of medications, sub-Q fluids, etc. A lot of work but of course now I miss doing it. All of us here would do anything for our babies, that's for sure.

Please try not to let guilt or regret overwhelm you. We all question what we might have done differently, but it sounds like you gave Emmitt an amazing life full of love, affection and care. If we could all plan exactly how things go at the end, maybe this grief thing wouldn't be quite so hard. 

Take good care of yourself and Callaway, and keep Emmitt in your heart. The bond you had with him will never be broken.

Wishing you peace and comfort,
Katie

p.s. - I laughed pretty hard at that pic of Emmitt helping himself to the loaf of bread 😃
"How it is that animals understand things I do not know, but it is certain that they do understand. Perhaps there is a language which is not made of words and everything in the world understands it. Perhaps there is a soul hidden in everything and it can always speak, without even making a sound, to another soul." ― Frances Hodgson Burnett
Quote 0 0
exburt
i'm glad you are doing better. 

What really energized me in your situation was that you had an old, diabetic fur baby. When you're so close to that situation, it's so godawful hard to accept that it's time, that this is it. Trust me, I know. It is soul crushing. That your vet at the time chose to push thousand's of dollars of useless procedures I am convinced they knew were futile. They tried to take advantage of you when you were at your most vulnerable.  It disgusted me. Please do not tell me their names. 

I trust this finds you recovery mode.  I wish you nothing but the best.  



B Weinstein
Quote 0 0
exit30
I feel your pain on many levels, we've had to euthanize a number of our kitties over the years, and I miss every one of them as thought it was yesterday.  We give our friends a loving home for as long as we can, sadly we must all say goodbye. You have to look back on the great life you gave them, and that one day you will be reunited.
Quote 0 0