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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #76 
Thank you both for your sweet words. Scooter was a total ham! He loved having his photo taken. His look here was one of studying Craig, who took this picture. I think he was checking him out? We were about halfway through the walk here and the enormous mud puddle incident had not yet happened.

I made huge strides this week in that I at last put two photos of Scooter in frames. Actually, one of them contains a photo of my Dad, smiling, as he pets Scooter, a few months before my Dad passed away. I did cry going through the pictures but it was not as deep as in the past. I think I will always always miss this dog. He is irreplaceable. No other dog could be as smart, playful, compassionate, loyal, fun, to me as he was. He was also my walking and hiking buddy. My confidant. My snuggler during morning devotions before work. My pet therapy dog for some of my clients. I have to stop now before I get too sad.

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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #77 
Melissa,
Aha, now I know.... I first thought: "She might take two pairs of shoes with her on each walk, lol" but now I am informed!

I imagine the sadness when you put those photos in frames, also the one with your Dad. My heart goes out to you, my dear friend. And yep, sure, you will forever miss him, that is only natural. When you wrote: "He was also my walking and hiking buddy. My confidant. My snuggler during morning devotions before work." ... my oh my.... what to say to you other than that I feel exactly the same (except that I was no off to work but we snuggled all day long, lol - I miss so many things about my Max but start making peace with myself here - I cannot bring him back but only cherish the great times we had.

May I ask what work you do?

I wish you a peaceful weekend and still wonderful hikes with Scooter all around you now in this beautiful time of year.

Many hugs

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #78 
Sylvia,

I do home care work for the elderly. I am not a nurse or nurse assistant, but take them places for recreation, shopping, assist them with doing exercises (as tolerated), some need help with showers. I have been doing this for five years and am burned out. I have seen too many become ill and/or die. I loved the job but I am done. Exhausted. Too much grief.
Scooter was great as he went to some of the clients who liked dogs. They would play fetch with him, or just pet him. He brought a smile to their faces and laughter into their lives.
Will be starting a new job in two weeks - totally different - back to office work - which pays better and has benefits. I am so grateful for this job opportunity 😉


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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #79 
Melissa,
Thank you for talking about your old job. I understand completely, even so a job to be loved,  how hard such a job really is and that it was time for a change especially that Scooter is the missing part to bring joy to the ones who liked dogs. And I jump about here because you got the new job - you did it, you did it! I am so so glad for you. New interesting things coming your way, new challenges to master. Very good for da brain cells....

I hugs you

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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #80 
Oh yes, loved the job and most of the people. It was a joy and rewarding, most of the time. And thanks Silvia, for the hugs and enthusiasm about the new job 😉

Missing Scooter today with the warm weather we are getting here. Unusually warm! Around 85 here today. Oh how I would love to walk him. My "muffin top" tummy is getting too large, lol.

I have taken to kissing one of his photos at night before bed, as I used to kiss him. Oh, to do that actually kiss his nose one more time. A dozen more times. A thousand more times.

I miss looking into his soulful brown eyes. He seemed to say so much with them.

I don't know what to do with the small blanket my Mom crocheted for him. It's precious to me but I still can't look at it. It's packed away. I will never ever throw that out. I spoke how my Mom made that during her eulogy.

Why is it that pets don't get eulogies? Then again I guess that's what I think we sort of do at this site. But I think they deserve an in person eulogy or funeral. Most people would probably think I was nuts if I tried to do a memorial now for Scooter....

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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #81 
Melissa, how happy I am for you about the new job! It sounds like the timing is excellent and I'm pleased you're able to make an escape from work that was adding to your stockpile of grief!

I imagine your thoughts do turn to Scooter with the weather warming up and hiking season opened up. I love that you're kissing his photo goodnight, but I so wish it could be the real pup. If only we could rewind and make it not have happened!

Just even from his pictures, it appears that he was talking much with his eyes. I'm sure in person the two of you connected through looks all the time. So hard to miss that.

I understand about the blanket. Certain items are just tied to our hearts. 

A local acquaintance of mine lost her dog to cancer last year and members of a pet loss group went with her to his gravesite and they had some kind of ceremony and sharing time. So, I guess it's possible but still pretty uncommon. 

It sounds like you may be navigating things in such a way as to protect your heart from further storm surges of grief.  If that's even possible. I'm not sure it is. I'm just thinking about you steering clear of that blanket, which seems wise.

I do...I think we may miss some precious creatures for a lifetime. 

Big hugs to you and praying too.



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Catie
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #82 
Melissa,
 
I am glad to hear you loved the job but also good to hear that you felt the time was due for something new. Do you go from one job to the next without any vacation or do you have some time for yourself in between?
 
Do you not walk anymore? It is so so healthy to move and I hope you can get yourself to go for lovely spring walks with good memories of Scooter.
 
It sounds so so sweet that you used to kiss his nose every night before going to sleep and I can imagine how much you miss this and how much you miss him altogether. I do not think that missing them will ever change.
 
Dont worry, Melissa, one day you will be able to look at Scooter’s lovely chrocheted blanket which is especially precious because it reminds you of him and your mother. And when the time is right you will know what to do with it and how and where to place it. Time will show you the way.
 
I think you are free to have an eulogy for Scooter and I dont think you are nuts at all to think about something like this to honor him. In fact I do believe that there is a very beautiful idea growing inside of you. It is not done often but that should never hinder you to live your ways.
 
I hugs you

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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #83 
Last night I dreamed of Scooter. It seemed so real. It was a joyful reunion. He ran to me. He was healthy. I was petting and hugging him, holding him even at one point. Then the dream changed and I was looking for him, knowing he had only days left to live, and I was afraid I would find him dead. I don't remember the end.

I do still walk but not nearly as often. I know it is healthy to walk. Just trying to find "new" places to go. I am avoiding places I took him, for now. I just can't bear it right now, falling to pieces in grief when I am about to start a new job, with so many new things to learn. I have to keep myself together emotionally for a bit. As I have mentioned I also get migraines. I only have one day off between starting the new job. They need me right away! And I have to do the right thing and gave two weeks notice to present job.

Maybe after I am at the new job for a month or more, I will do a memorial service for him. He so deserves it.

I so appreciate the kindness and comments on this site. We are not alone in our forever love and longing for our pets.

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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #84 
So Mother's Day is always hard enough, but now this year it just happens to be the five month anniversary of Scooter's passing. I started bawling again about him this morning. Just when I think the tears are done...there they are again. Gosh how I miss him and loved that handsome, cute little dog. Life just seems so different without him.
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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #85 
I'm am so sorry. Know that you are not alone. We all wish we could wake up from the nightmare. Like is definitely different without our baby companions. 🤗 😘
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #86 
Lots of hugs and tissues to you, Melissa!  I'm sorry I missed seeing your previous post till now.

My heart goes out to you about the tough dream of Scooter, the latter part especially. I imagine that took you straight back into those heartbreaking times. I hope you've recovered from that immediate pain and resurgence of your grief.

It sounds wise that you are handling yourself, handling your emotions carefully, as you've approached your new job, to keep from getting inundated by grief triggers, if possible. I realize some are unavoidable. I totally get it, that walking any place you've been with him can reopen a springs of tears.  For example, when taking my trash across my complex to the dumpster, a leash and a bobbing furry one show up right ahead of me, in the eyes of my heart.  I very much hear you, it is sooooo hard. 

I wish you had a bit of time between your jobs, but having integrity pays, for sure. You've done right by everyone in your transition.

Do you have effective medication for your migraines?  So sorry you get those! I'm grateful I can use an OTC med when an aura comes.

I'm hating that you have the additional burden of grief and the anniversary overlaying Mother's Day. My heart feels for you with your renewed sadness and all the tears today, Melissa. Sometimes, I wonder, do we have to cry about every single detail we loved about them? He was ever-so-precious, and such a lovely, treasured source of love in your life. It is no wonder life feels so different now and such a big piece of your heart went with him. 

Wish I could bring you a comforting meal, some brownies and a big glass of iced tea, or whatever you might enjoy, and spend time hearing about Scooter and his dear personality. I hope the pain eases, sweet friend.

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Catie
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #87 
Melissa,

Here I am with fresh hugs to you. Hm... your dream... maybe it means that you are in between acceptance (the good part) and not accepting (the bad part). I say this because when I read further on, you are still avoiding the places you had been with Scooter (the not accepting part) - so .. take your time until you are ready for this. Dreams are really good and help you to heal.

I understand that you wish a "free mind" for the new job, new things to learn but also here it does depend how you look at this. It is a good thing to happen in your life, a new challenge and of course also new mistakes to make and learn from them - I doupt that anyone at the new job is awaiting "perfection" but a curiosity into a new period of your life that you are so blessed to soon start. I am very sure that it is enough to just be yourself as you are such a wonderful person.

It is a very good idea to slowly work through all of what is waiting out there for you and to have a memorial for Scooter when you feel this certain "routine" with the new job. Your mind will be free then to give Scooter the memorial the way you intend to do.

Mother's day and Scooter's 5 months anniversary of passing - my heart goes out to you, Melissa. I do believe the tears are never done - here and there they come to me and that wont ever change. But this does not mean that I am not ready to embrace life. You are right in saying that life is so different without him but that does not mean that life isn't good to you. The nature of all life is change and one day -so I can assure you - the dream will return without the second part.

Big fat hugs, my dear friend

PS
I am of course readily sitting next to you in a comfortable sofa sharing the comforting meal, the brownies and the very big big glass of iced tea that Catie so lovingly offers...

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #88 
Thank you both. During lunch yesterday I was actually able to share with the secretary training me a photo of Scooter. We had started to share about our personal lives. So I did share how Scooter had passed recently and when she asked when and what kind of dog...well I told her.
My first day of work yesterday went well. Not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. Still, working for a law firm, well, I don't want to make mistakes, even though I know they will happen as I learn.
Of course when I came home I really, really missed Scooter. Oh how I wanted that happy greeting, and go take him for his walk. And tell him all about my day. And he would have listened, but also gone and grabbed a toy for me to throw and fetch, panting happily, whining if I did not play.
So yes, tomorrow is the double whammy anniversary of 5 months and Mother's Day. My Mom's last remaining sister has invited me to her house after church for lunch with her and my cousins, so that will be good. And she has a cute little dog.
Oh gosh, brownies and tea with Catie and Silvia, sound so lovely! Once in a while I will drink organic white wine (does not cause migraines). No OTC medication works for me, but I do take generic Maxalt which works about 75 percent of the time. However it makes me sleepy.
I will try to check both your threads later, and see if you need any support. much much love!

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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #89 
Dearest Melissa,
 
So here I am to hug you at this difficult day – 5 months Scooter and Mother’s Day. My heart goes out to you. Even tho you will probabley shed many tears I wish you the best of all memories.  I am very glad to hear you are not alone today but with family members and a cute little dog. And I think it will be a good day for you.
 
I am proud of you how you managed your first working day so very well and that you were able to share a pic of Scooter and talk about him. Returning home without pure joy greeting is still a tough thing, I know exactly what you mean.
 
I thought of a lovely flower to post to honor Scooter but as this is a very special day for you I had a rare visitor in my garden just at the right time. So here they are, the flowers and the visitor:
Scooterflower.jpg 

My good thoughts are with you today, dear friend


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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #90 
I found this pic of Scooter to post on Facebook in honor of Mother's day, as he has been my only child...and wanted to share with this group... Scooter and I Puppy.jpg  It might have been the first day I brought him home. Sorry it is a bit fuzzy. I was so happy and proud, and 15 years younger lol. Gosh I miss him and my Mom today.

Silvia thank you for your beautiful post and picture for me. They mean a lot.

Off to church then to family house to probably eat too much, or too little, depending on how I am feeling lol

Love to everyone on this forum


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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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