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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #16 
Thank you so much Catie
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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #17 

My heart aches for Scooter’s presence today. ..it is hurting so much. I had a couple “good” days and now this. I can’t even begin to describe today how I miss him. It is that overwhelming. I just want him back! I couldn’t stand the thought of going home after work today. I live in a rented room, share kitchen and occasionally living room of condo with landlord who owns and lives there. I don’t like going to where my boyfriend lives either, as that is where he died in my arms, but also, so so many happy memories there. And when I went there, it was usually to pick him up after letting my boyfriend have a “sleepover” with him for a night (sometimes two).  When I go there now, I expect to see his over-ecstatic greeting at my return.

So after my one client for today, I went home, grabbed my laptop and some books, and headed to nearest coffee shop.

He declined so quickly in two days! I thought he would last at least until the next retesting of his liver, which would have been 2 or 3 more weeks. I regret that I did not take a last hike or walk with him. His last day was horrible and he was suddenly in no condition for any walk. I still get angry with the vet on occasion.

I’m trying to be positive but I feel awful. Some days I have suicidal thoughts –because the thought of living without his comfort, his presence, his joy, is too much.  This is lousy attitude and way to think, considering my Christian beliefs.

I think I have rambled on enough for today. I haven’t posted in a while. Hope and pray everyone having a better day than I am!


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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #18 
Hi Melissa,

I’m sorry you’ve been having a difficult time today. The reminders around us are very difficult. Hope you’re able to find some peace and comfort. Hang in there and know our thoughts are with you.

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Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #19 
Thank you Val 😉
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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #20 
Melissa, I'm sure sorry things have taken a rough turn.  it really is such a storm. Dramatically fierce one day, like a typhoon. Then calmer for spells. But grief is emotionally turbulent weather and a real uproar to live through. 

Hey... I'm a believer too. The fact that su thoughts come through your mind doesn't mean that's anything near who you really are. You just are having extreme feelings and want the pain to stop. And things will get better. Only not instantly. *sigh*

I'm sorry the pain's been so overwhelming. I do think a change in scene, like making your way to the coffee shop, helps. Just to see something different, not be surrounded by reminders and memories that contain pangs of longing right now.

You're going to get through it. Each of us will. Some days make us feel like we're holding on by our fingertips. But we're stronger than we realize and time will prove that.  But argh, the misery between Point A and Point Z sometimes.

And I hear you that the last day is one you wish wouldn't want imprinted anywhere in your consciousness. When those pictures come through, it's torturous. 

One day, or one part of a day at a time. They are passing and it won't always feel as rotten as some of these yucky, awful ones have been.

Thinking of you...







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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #21 
Just looking in on you, Melissa. Hoping somehow things are getting a little easier. 
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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #22 
Hi Catie...wow how fantastic you are also a believer....

Everyone 😉  Sorry no news for a bit. I actually had to take a client and HER dog to a vet yesterday, and was asking close friends for prayer, that I would not have any flashbacks and be able to help this lady. Her dog was in for an annual but has been coughing for about 3 months. I have heard the cough and am concerned. Anyway thanks to prayers I was given the strength to help her and her dog, and advise her when needed (gently, no pressure) before and after the exam.

As for me, I came across a life vest today I used to put on my dog when I went kayaking with him...he loved kayaking with me! Of course I started crying.



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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #23 
Hi Melissa,

It can't have been easy, coming alongside your friend for a vet trip this close to your loss. I think it's remarkable you could manage that!

Ohhhh. I'll bet the life vest did tip you into tears. I'm so sorry and I wish I could keep that from happening for you! I had a similar thing happen today when I opened a cabinet where I keep DVDs and Marissa's light-up, noisy ball she adored was in there. All those reminders of things that can't happen again are really t.o.u.gh.

I hope the rest of your day after that was more soothing and gentle and that tomorrow the edges of your pain won't be as sharp. 

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #24 
I feel crappy today. I thought I was doing well then started crying again about missing him this afternoon. I never realized how much he helped me when I felt anxious or sad. I really look forward to getting another dog when the time is right and place I live is right. But I think Scooter is one in a million and there will never be one I feel the same about as him. A few of my friends said he had a personality like mine - giving, loving - ministering. And he was such a ham!
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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #25 
Melissa, I'm so sorry.  Fresh grief and tears are just miserable. Sometimes it feels like it's starting all over again. 

I so understand the comfort in anxious and emotionally painful times. I felt like I drew tons of support from my little love. It's a huge hole for them to not be there, to not be able to stroke Scooter on a bad day, when you feel sad, when something adverse has happened. For the whole myriad of emotions he won't be there for. I hate his loss for you.  And I hear you on how unique he was and how you feel like you'll never have anyone else like him.  That is heart rending and I feel much the same here. Not making this about me, just letting you know I do understand that aspect.

May you have renewed strength today and comfort equal to your heartache. I'm thinking of you and sending hugs. 

And I hope you'll write all you need to, friend.



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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #26 
I appreciate your thoughts Catie. I understand you are not making it about you.

Today is 12 weeks ago exactly that my boyfriend and I buried him. I didn't figure out the math until an hour ago, but I must have known really because I am feeling awful today - just yet another fresh wave of missing him and wanting him back in my life, so so badly.

It just plains sucks. That is not pretty language but that is how I feel today.

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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #27 
It really is rotten, Melissa. I'm sorry yesterday was so hard on you. It's astounding how much pain the heart harbors, when their sweet companionship is pulled away. It leaves such a raw wound.  Anniversaries are rough. As you have proved, it's so, even when you don't realize it's another unwanted anniversary.

Sending hugs and warm thoughts. I hope your grief eases enough to at least give you some breathing room. 

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #28 
Thank you Catie...you and Val are constantly on my threads. I so appreciate you both. If I am forgetting anyone I apologize. I forget too much these days. Unacceptable to me.
Today I actually curled up in a ball in fetal like position on the floor, where his bed was, and cried and cried about the pain and grief of missing Scooter. I think this was a triggered by the nightmare of him last night but who knows?

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Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #29 
Melissa,

I’m sorry the pain is still there. Really, it’s to be expected when you love someone, but still... I am sorry the hurt has to be born and dealt with. It is good to know that Scooter was clearly loved so very much though. These guys absolutely deserve that. Sorry to hear about the nightmare too, those are never fun, let alone when they’re about our pets.

Keep on hanging in there. Just wanted to pop by to send some hugs to you...

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Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #30 
Ohhhhh. Melissa that sounds so horribly horribly painful. I hate that all of that happened . the nightmare and then such a huge huge wave of grief and sorrow like that. It is wretched to get hit that hard by the painful emotions.

I imagine you have come away from all of that feeling very raw , very vulnerable and fragile. Please take good care of you. Sending big hugs and many many warm thoughts.

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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