Mnwalker
My baby girls name was shadow she was a beautiful black cat with just a few white hairs. She died at 17 years old. When my parents first got her I was 6. She saw me grow up when i moved out of my parents house I took her with me. The last four years of her life she spent two hiding in my eoom scared of the new dog. The last two years I grew even closer to her which I didn't think possible. In a way she was my furry guardian. She was so protective and territorial with me. She always slept at my head. Just writing this I am bauling. Shes only been gone a week and everyone keeps telling me to get a new cat and i just cry more. My sweet baby girl i miss her so much.

The week of Thanksgiving she was walking around the house slower then usual her legs barley bending to jump up on the bed. Then she stopped eating and drinking, even my 1 year old cat luna stopped trying to get jer to play with her. I tried everying her favorite wet food, tuna, treats. She wouldnt eat anything when they weighed her she was 9.4 pounds and she never rally fat but she want a small cat. Im crushing myself feeling guilty, like is there something i could have done. But i didnt want to put her through surgery even if it was an option she was 17.

As i type this out i think back to as far as i can and she has always been there to greet me when i get home, plop in my lap demanding to pet. She was so talkative to if her bowl was empty she meow so lowed, if she was lonley and wanted to be pet you could hear her across the house i moved into when I moved out of my parents house. I just can't imagine what life is going to be like without her. Sleeping is so hard and any reminder of her i cry with tears running down my face.

God i miss her so much but I know she's in a better place now. It will be a long while before i see her agin but i know one day I will. Until then i jave to make it theough the first month qith out her, then 6, then two years. I know it will get better but it's hard to imagine lofe with her gone.
Mirinda walker
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Mnwalker
Reply I wrote this peom in her memory.

Across the rainbow bridge you went
Gone from my life in a flash.
I know one day I will see you again
When I cross the rainbow bridge at last.
You will run to me and i to you,
I will cry with you in my arms.
Not tears of sadness like all the years past,
But tears of joy for seeing you at long last.

In loving memory of shadow
Mirinda walker
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pannklaus
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl Shadow.  So much of what you write reminds me of losing my Lenny cat who was 16.  He stopped eating and drinking and just went to his bed and stayed.  We decided not to put him through any more treatment which probably wouldn't have been successful.

You are now experiencing the intense grief that occurs after losing a precious fur baby.  Not being able to sleep, crying when you think of her, not knowing how you will go on without her--all of this is very familiar to many of us here.

It has been almost ten months now for me. It has gotten better in the sense that I am past the initial  intense grief and inability to function. I have gone on with my life on a daily basis but the feelings of loss are still there.  The holiday season is difficult since last year my baby was still with me. I will always miss him and there will always be a special place in my heart for him.

The people in this group are very supportive and helpful in understanding what you are going through.  Unfortunately, no one has the ability to make the painful grief go away.  Life without Shadow will not be the same as it was before.  But she is waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge along with Lenny and all of our precious fur babies and you know you will see her again someday.
Patsy
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Mnwalker
Thank you. It helps to here from someone who understands
Mirinda walker
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Mnwalker
Another night of tears crying into the pilllow wishing she was on pillow take it up and being a hog. I remember when she first staryed laying on my pillow she eventually trained me to lay on it with just a sliver of pillow. The rest was for her, my lovely pillow cat. I miss her walking across my laptop so i would pet her.
There was this one time she was so jelous of luna being pet by my mom that she climed on the couch looked her in the eyes and pooped right there on the couch. At the time i was made but now i just laugh and cry. I remember whenever i would get home from school she would leave the cover of under the bed to lay with me. Also all the times i talked to her, i just know she understood, she listen so well. All the times i cried into her soft fur and hugged her. All the times she would head but my head ir my hand damanding for scratches on her chin. God i miss her so much. Its only been 9 days and it feels like montha since i last hughed her and baried my face in her soft silky fur. She purred so loud i could fall asleep to soundly..
Mirinda walker
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Leathur
I just lost my best friend of 16 years, Diego. He was a black cat just like yours. He slept right next to my pillow.

I feel your pain - I cannot stop crying over my loss either...
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Mnwalker
I just listened to my voicemail her box is ready, i had her cremated so that when i move to a more permanent house i can bury her somewhere where the sun shines alot. She loved sirting by the window watching the outside. I feel my heart breaking even more.
Mirinda walker
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Leathur
Diego will be the second cat I've lost and had cremated. Ortoloni's ashes are on a shelf above my desk waiting for Diego's ashes to be placed next to his.

I miss Diego so much, but I think I might begin to heal once I have received his cedar box...
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Mnwalker
Thank you. Having her box does help I know shes in a better place now and its not really her. It fewls like ive brought her back home where she belongs. Typeing this out I know where to place. Right by my bed where my sweet baby girl shadows favorite spot my pillow. My sweet pillow cat. What is heart wrenching in my young cat luna just started laying on my pillow for shorts anount of time, i like it. However it remindes me of my pillow cat and i begin to cry.
Mirinda walker
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Mirinda,

I am so saddened to read of you recent loss of your beloved cat "Shadow." That is remarkable that you had your cat in your life from the time that you were 6 years old into your 20's! I can not imagine that experience! What a blessing! 

I too lost my boy, a cat named "Marmalade". He was my best friend. I felt I had to let him go and put him to sleep around 7 months ago. There was a time in 2018 when Marmalade almost died from a reaction to ear steroids, and I was very broke financially and could not afford to have him put down even though he was suffering, nor did I have the money to have him cremated. It was so, so heartbreaking.

I walked miles to obtain a medical note from one of his Vet's to take to the local animal shelter to get a voucher to have Marmalade put to sleep and then I would have had to have buried him myself. We had no yard where he and I lived, so I was going to be forced to bury him in a park about 4 or 5 blocks away and just the thought of that completely broke my heart. I could not imagine Marmalade not being nearby me and being alone each night in a cold, damp park that he did not know. Fortunately he pulled through and got better for a time.

He was in a brutal Tom Cat fight in the Winter of 2018 protecting his girlfriend cat "Star" from a neighborhood bully Tom-Cat and was injured. Which required surgery. In early 2019 I obtained the money I needed to have Marmalade operated on, but things did not go well and his health detoriated. When I had him cremated I remembered something that the Astronomer Carl Sagan had once said:

"We are all made of stars. Every living thing on Earth is made up partially of carbon. Which came from exploded stars 4.5 billion years ago. We are made of star stuff."

And now when I look at the small cedar chest containing Marmalade's ashes, I think of what Dr. Sagan said above and it comforts me. Marmalade's ashes are made up of stars. Which is fitting as he was such a shooting star in my life. For the 4 1/2 years that I knew him, he made my life more enchanting, blessed and magical. Just as your Shadow made yours. She too was made of stars.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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Mnwalker
Thank you everyone. Hearing feom you helps. I inew my sweet baby girl for 17 wonderful years. She was my best, longest, and truest friend. There will never again be a friend like her, comforting, kind, fantastic listener, and all around chill personality l. She was allways what i needed and now i feel lonely. Contemplating the right time if ever to get a new companion, i dont want to replace her but she was allways by my side and now i feel so alone and i feel guilty which just makes me cry more. Ive never cried so much in my life as the past two weeks. God i cant belive its only been two weeks it feels like years. I keep seeing her walk through a door way a see her laying on the ground when its actually my other cat luna or just a puke of black clothes. When does this get easier.
Mirinda walker
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