Aimi
Megan, our beautiful chocolate Labrador was 9 years old and was diagnosed with cancer of the liver and kidney disease 5 days ago after becoming ill the week before. We were hoping it could be treated but she declined sharply yesterday and we (me and my husband) had to have her put to sleep this morning. I am trying to sleep (I live in the UK and it is 1am here) but am finding it impossible. I am glad we were both with her and holding her as she passed, and would not have had it any other way, but I cannot get the image out of my head. I am trying to focus on the happy times, of which there are so many, but it is really difficult. Has anybody else experienced this?
It has been so amazing reading all your stories, and wonderful to know I am not alone.
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Jody
Aimi, I'm so sorry. My golden was only 7. He was tired and went to bed. I woke up and found him lethargic and almost limp. He looked at me with his eyes half open and died. After all the research, I realized labs and goldens have been so mass produced that their life expectancy has been dramatically cut. If I would have had some signs, I know it would have ended the same way. I am so, so sorry. I know what you are going through. Thoughts and prayers coming your way! Just know Megan will always be close to your heart. It gets better everyday. Time heals all wounds. This site has helped me immensely. Knowing we are all here together and are going through the same loss...your baby was beautiful!
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Aimi
Thank you so much Jody. I am so sorry about your golden. I always dreaded this day but thought we would have at least another 2 or 3 years with her. We kept her fit and slim, did everything by the book! But as you say, those breeds are prone to issues.
How long has it been since you lost yours? When does it get easier? I am just devastated and a complete blubbering mess.
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CKMP
Aimi,

I am so so sorry for your loss of Megan - There is never ever enough time with our special fur ones.  She is beautiful, that deep silky brown with those 'lab' eyes  . . .  It seems too that no matter the circumstances it is those last moments we replay over and over in our minds - it is as if our hearts are controlling our minds for the longest time once we are placed in this experience.  Perhaps just like our hearts ruled when we first met our special one . . .  I have come to believe it doesn't get easier, it just 'gets different' . . .We seem to work through the sharp, intense and overwhelming grief somehow and in some ways, and then I think we work each day to just live with our grief.  Our lives become different . . . We are changed because of what we share with our special ones and we are changed because of our special ones and our lives are changed when physically our fur ones are no longer with us.  There is no timeline for that overwhelming grief - and no 'shame' in those tears that will not stop and start at the 'drop of a hat'. . . There are so many kind and caring people on this forum that understand so well the feelings, the loss, the haze of the days and that sense of emptiness.  This is a wonderful support to know you are not alone. . .  Wishing for you some moments of calm throughout these tough days.  Take care.
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Jody
Chase aka Tony, when he was good, died July 25th. Yesterday was two weeks. I have not gotten through one day without crying, but the amount of tears has decreased drastically. It's hard when I think of him not being here. I am trying to keep my mind from that and think of all the love he gave me instead. He gave me 7 crazy golden years. Made me nuts and totally obsessed with him. I didn't realize I was living in his world until he died. I really thought I would have him till 14 because he was in such great shape and so strong. I don't know if it gets easier. I think you just accept that they died and will always be by your side. I think we choose to live happily for them. My Tony never wanted me to cry. He never wanted me to be sad. I must choose life for him and accept that he is at rest and in peace and one day we will meet again.
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Aimi
Thank you so much for your replies. It is so good to know there is somewhere I can go when everything gets too overwhelming. I finally got to sleep and dreamed about her, that she had not died, that she was back with us again, tail wagging, looking for food, as usual. It was cruel to have to wake up from that. I actually feel physically sick when I remember yesterday and what happened.
I know things will get easier and I know I will be able to think of her and smile rather than cry, but at the moment it is impossible and it is SO HARD. I just want to curl up in a little ball and sleep and dream of her until the grieving is easier.
Thank you so much for listening and understanding, Jody and CKMP. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. The wonderful thing about this forum is that people don't try to offer solutions or empty platitudes. Just sharing stories and empathising is so powerful. It says "I have felt/am feeling what you are going through. It is hard, and it will take time, but you will be OK".
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OmarR
Aimi wrote:
Megan, our beautiful chocolate Labrador was 9 years old and was diagnosed with cancer of the liver and kidney disease 5 days ago after becoming ill the week before. We were hoping it could be treated but she declined sharply yesterday and we (me and my husband) had to have her put to sleep this morning. I am trying to sleep (I live in the UK and it is 1am here) but am finding it impossible. I am glad we were both with her and holding her as she passed, and would not have had it any other way, but I cannot get the image out of my head. I am trying to focus on the happy times, of which there are so many, but it is really difficult. Has anybody else experienced this? It has been so amazing reading all your stories, and wonderful to know I am not alone.


Aimi, so sorry for your loss.

And yes, I also cannot get the image of Emma's body out of my head. They had put her body in a viewing room so we could be with her one last time.

I am haunted by the entire events of that day.
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Jody
I felt sick too. It will get better. I couldn't even talk for two days. Actually, I was a sobbing mess for two full days. Day three I totally lost it. Calling the vet. Going through he feces with gloves on (at least I was thinking enough there) and trying to see if they would research it. So yes, I almost went nuts. Or did and then started talking to everyone and crying to anyone who would listen. This site has really helped me. It was me coming to terms and acknowledging reality. And I am still alive. So fast forward to 17days later, I am better. Still a little numb but mostly emotionally drained. But, it gets better and it will be okay! Keep talking! Keep crying! Your baby will always be with you and mine will always be with me. The love they give us is all worth it!
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Aimi
Just woken up on Day 3 since she has been gone. I slept last night, which is good. Yesterday I found myself using any excuse to get out of the house as it was too difficult to be here without her. I found myself walking our local walks, imagining her trotting ahead, looking back at me in that way she had of saying, "Come on, then!"
I went to visit friends, which was good, as it forced me to talk about her, and I cried a lot, and they cried a lot.
I looked through our photos and videos of her, which was hard, but I was smiling and crying at the same time.
I am not sure what I am going to do today. There is are big voids in the day where I would normally go out with her. It is really amazing how your life is constructed around a dog and how much they shape and influence everything you do.
I think the only thing to do is keep busy, let the tears come when they will, and keep
talking about her, whether it be on here or with friends and family.
Once again, thank you for listening and thank you for commenting. It really means a lot to me.
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