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EM are you doing ok today?  Just  thinking about you and hoping you are having a better day today.  I'm going to try to do better today and get out of the house and do something constructive.  Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since I lost Little so I know it will be a hard day.  My  thoughts and prayers are with you!
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Hi, EM,

I hope you are managing to find some peace, if ever so little.

Please take care,

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em, i'm so sorry for your loss of your loved pooch and i'm sure he knew the lengths you went to help make him comfortable.  please try to be more kind to yourself because everything happens as God wills according to his plan and even while we all have those nagging doubts of "could we have done something more, was there something we failed to do, did we do everything possible", the time when a name is called home is not our decision and it all happens as it was meant to.  it is very hard and especially more so when we feel we failed our companions somehow, that they may think less of us because that is what we feel but our dear companions hold nothing but unconditional love for their people.  thankfully they aren't like humans can be, offering love for a price or tacking conditions on it and they never hold grudges or think badly of us.  the tail keeps wagging, the tongue might hang out at a silly angle and according to our companions a good petting or belly rub makes the world all the much grander to be with us in.  i really do envy all of you who were blessed to be able to have your companions in your lives for such a wonderful long time and i suppose since I've been able to admit that to myself it's something i need to ask God for forgiveness of.  i wish i could have had even 3 more years with my roxie but then i suppose being older as i would be that it would be harder for me not to have her around helping me...but i still would have relished that blessing had it been granted.  i hope that all our pooches are enjoying themselves and playing together across the bridge while they wait for us to join them for such a reunion!  many many hugs
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Thank you for your post on Ollies page . Sending you hugs and hope you start to feel better soon.
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Hi Everyone thanks so much for all of your kindness! Every bit of it is so appreciate. I agree about the reunion! Insofar as getting on and going forth, there is ever so minute progress with that. For me it's mostly about learning and keeping things in perspective. I think so much of my problem is my inexperience with this kind of thing, especially at my age. I know so many people who grew up with large pets, so even though many of them get sentimental when they go through these experiences, they know what to expect, kind of like that been there done that thing. For me, everything is a learning process and a new experience, including this, and at my age now it's not as easy to rally up my support amongst my old friends and relatives like it was when we were kids back in the old days. There are many other reasons too why I think I'm so distraught. Many of the same reasons why so many of you here are also distraught. With that said, I'm making very small strides to at the very least become functional. I never expected that I'd get smashed like this. There are no excuses though. Reasons yes just no excuses. Everything happens for a reason. God put this blessing into my life and I need to just bask in the faith that He has given to me. I have so much to be happy about and thankful for. Yes I'm thankful our animals are in Heaven for eternity with God.
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Hi EM,
I am so very sorry for your loss. When you say you feel like the fun has been sucked out of this chapter of your life I can totally relate. It's a whole different world for me without Bailey. I also understand the emptiness you feel and how difficult it is to push on and try to stay motivated.
It so obvious how very much you loved your boy. Bailey hated going to the vet - each time was so traumatic for him so I really understand why you tried to take care of your dog at home. If you had known the problem of course you would have taken him there but in the moment we can only do the best that we can. We can't know the things we just don't know. In hindsight, I would have done things differently as well but we have no way of knowing that at the time. I think that guilt is a big part of grief - we all seem to look back and tell ourselves all the things we should have done. You will look back some day and be happy that you gave him so much love and happiness - (more than a lot of animals in this world will ever experience) I tried to thank God every day for sending Bailey into our lives and I still do because as much pain as I feel now I would never trade all those years of happiness with my wonderful little friend.
Thinking of you and wishing you peace.
MJ :)
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I really appreciate the very kind encouragement, MJ. Your comments are always so thoughtful and considerate. I agree and I say the same things thanking God for the blessed life my pooch and I share together.

It's been difficult for me to say the least, mostly I'm sure because of the circumstances involved. It's like clockwork each and every day that something new just pops into my mind and messes with me.

Just a couple of hours ago even thinking how I still had a week's worth of antiinflammatories left from one of our recent veterinary appointments that I could've and would've given to him if I knew his prostate was so enlarged. Maybe it wouldn't have done much longterm, maybe though it would've at least given us some more time.

These are things I cope with every day. I do everything possible to not think of these things yet they just smash me involuntarily.

I've always been a very positive person, though since this has happened it's difficult to stay motivated. Years ago I even wrote some positive thinking and life coaching type books with humour based style to them, so depression is very foreign to me. Ironically, it seems like no matter what I do, the "what if's" just keep on messing with me. When they hit I fight very hard to learn how they do not apply to my situation. However, once I defeat a particular "what if" another "what if" suddenly appears in its place and starts attacking my thoughts. I'm scared that I'll never again function normally.
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So sorry for your loss. My pal Scruffy passed on Jan 7th in my arms at he vet while being given "shots". Scruffy was 14.5 and we were inseparable. I still miss him more then words can describe. My little buddy was a small dog but full of heart. He had fallen and was no longer good on steps. We had bought doggie steps for our bed and like you describe he did bunny hops to get up and down. I have the same guilt you describe and wish some how I could have had significant special time with him. In the end he went from all good to not in a flash and an hour later I was taking him to the vet. So damn sad! I am reminded every time I see something he related to that he is gone. Nothing I can do will bring him back. We had a "good" run. I miss you buddy. I hope you are happy in heaven. I love you.PC290008.JPG   

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