I relate to all of your stories about the losses of your babies. It has been over 12 weeks for me since we had to say goodbye to my Quincy and I still cry every day...some days more than others, but still every day. Learning to go on without him is proving very difficult and I've found some days I just don't care anymore...don't care about the trivial things in life that need to be done, don't care what happens to me, don't care what the future holds. I've read multiple books on pet grief, posted here periodically and have even been doing therapy for the last 6 weeks. Sometimes, the books help a bit even though I cry all the way through reading them. Some days therapy helps trying to get me to focus on 'to do' lists for the day and that sort of thing, but also in realizing that I am going to miss Quincy forever...this grief is not ever going to have a 'finish date'...there is no finishing grief. Seems obvious, but somehow realizing that I will miss him forever has comforted me a bit because early on I felt like there was a grief 'to do' list that I was supposed to mark off.
I also relate to how your husbands are handling the loss because my husband is also keeping it all in. There will be moments where I can tell something hits him, but otherwise he is not sharing his thoughts unless I specifically ask...he is not a talk about feelings guy so it makes him uncomfortable. It does make you feel alone in your grief, though, and I've realized that is how grief is...it is a very lonely endeavor because everyone handles it differently. I am trying to just let myself go about it in my own time frame, cry when I need to cry, talk to him when I need to talk him, sing him the songs I used to make up for him. I've also been keeping a journal to Quincy starting about 4 weeks after we had to say goodbye where I tell him how much I miss him, mention a happy memory or just talk about how the day was...I have enjoyed having that outlet because sometimes I feel like if I don't say out loud how sad I still am and how much I am still struggling that 'people' think I am fine and I am most definitely not fine. Having my thoughts written down seems to help a bit with validating how sad I still am.
I wish you (and all of us struggling) days filled with happy memories of our loves and maybe less tears as time moves forward...
Thank you so much for what you've shared. I completely relate to all the feelings you've expressed. I lost Coco ten days ago. I look for my little boy everywhere expecting him to poke his little nose through every slightly shut door. Just can't or don't want to wrap my brain around the fact that he's really gone. I'm so reluctant to find a new normal or move any of his things. I also searched for a grief checklist but you're so right, there is no finish date. This is my new reality. Forever missing my little bear Coco.
My husband has his own dog that he's had many years before we met and I had my Coco. He doesn't share my despair. And people do conclude that things are ok unless I'm crying or telling them how I feel. I guess it's easier for people to assume that. You said it perfectly, grief is a lonely endeavor.
I think that writing in a journal each day to our babies is a beautiful idea. I'm definitely going to try it. Thank you for that advice.
It is obvious how deeply you loved and cherished Quincy. He was so fortunate to have you as his mom. I wish you strength and send love. And may your memories of your sweet boy begin to bring you more smiles than tears.