lnh18
Last night, I had to make the decision to end my baby's suffering.  It was the most horrible experience of my life and I just can't get the image of him leaving me out of my mind.  He was a beautiful 10 year old mixed breed dog who did nothing but provide me with almost 10 years of happiness and love.  He was perfect in every way.  He was my first dog and my first born...before my kids.  I found him on Petfinder.com and knew at that moment that it as meant to be for us.  I happened to inquire about him the second his picture was posted, and before a ton of people wrote to the foster Mom requesting more info.  We drove 2 hours to pick him up at a Pet Smart and I swear, he looked at me and smiled from across the store as soon as I walked into that store on February 7, 2004.    There were a lot of people that he could have been looking at but he looked right at me.  Mid August, just about two months ago, we noticed that something wasn't right with him.  Then his eye started to shift to the side.  I brought him back and forth to the Vet for about 2-3 weeks until finding out that he had nasal cancer which had spread to behind his eyes and into the brain stem.  It came out of the blue.  I had spend years giving him the best food, taking him for daily walks, and giving him the best life ever.  Through the years, so many people had said to me that they wish that they could come back in a second life as him.  He was the King.  Throughout the 2 months, I did everything in my power to make him comfortable because traditional treatments would not have given him much time.  I went the holistic route but although I did make him happy for an extra month and a half, the tumor took over. I can NOT believe that he is gone.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I almost wish he was able to just crawl near me and pass instead of what I had to see last night.  I can't believe that I had to see him leave me like that.  I would do absolutely anything right now to have him back in my arms.  I feel like a huge part of me died with him last night and I don't know how I am going to get past this...
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Mistysmama
I am so sorry for what you must be going through. It really is unbelievable and heartbreaking when we have to choose to end their suffering, I know. 
He had a wonderful life with you, filled with happiness and love. His life was not his illness, or the final moments -it was all those years of the happiest he could be. Believe me, you did not let him down.

My girl developed Hemangiosarcoma, a dreadful cancer, and didn't live long after diagnosis. I also had to have her put to sleep at the very end. She also had a great life, with specially chosen holistic food, walks every day in the countryside, a healthy and happy life. Then suddenly and out of the blue that terrible cancer came. I know, it doesn't seem to make sense.

I do understand your pain right now. When we love them very deeply, it is like a part of ourselves died when they have to go.

Please do come here any time you need to, and talk about things. It will help, but this pain is the worst.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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lnh18
Hello...

Thank you for your response.  Yes...cancer is dreadful and I will just never understand.  Aside from the horror of last night, I can't stop thinking about how scared he was when he went blind last week...I was with him at the moment and it was awful...his scared little face was terrible.  I wish I could get these terrible things out of my mind and think about the good.  He was the best most handsome little guy.  I am so sad that he felt so bad and was so scared...I just wish that I didn't see that last night...although I would never have let him be there without me...

So sorry about your baby also...terrible that these things happened so fast after being diagnosed...

Thank you again for your nice words...
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Linda_2000
I am so sorry for  your loss and the heartache you are feeling.
We also had to say Goodbye  to Leo our gorgeous Italian Greyhound ( he was going to be 14 in January) last Friday evening.  He was our 1st dog also.   My Daughters pepe was his dad  and our friends  lilly was his mum .  Although I have gone through  my daughter loosing both  Pepe & polo her other  italian  Greyhound who were like our own pets as we had them so much due to her working & When they were ill . I never thought my heart  would feel as if it is breaking like it has since last Friday.
LJ Banks
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lnh18
I am so sorry...:(  
I know...I can't believe how horrible this feeling is and I don't know it is going to go away.  I know that time helps, but I think it will help us to maybe cope a little better.  Not sure we will ever stop missing them.  I never went through this so I don't know but it is so bad that I can't imagine how it will get better.  I feel like I am just walking in circles and can barely keep myself up...It is like I am lifeless right now...

I am really sorry for your loss.  Was your dog Leo sick?
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ljoy537
i'm so sorry for the loss of your dog.

 I've had to put three animals to sleep in the last 7 months. I had two cats that were both 16.  One had liver cancer and the other one had kidney failure. One of the cats I didn't stay with her, and I regret it.  I was alone when I took her to the vet, and I just wasn't going to be able to watch her leave. I did what was best for me -and that's ok - but i look back now and I wish I had been with her.

  My second cat, Fluffy, died 4 months later.  I stayed with her, but I couldn't get the thought of what I saw out of my mind.  It was devastating to me and I cried so much.  My heart hurt.  Please know that after some time, you will feel better, and won't think about the end so much.  

I just had to put my greyhound fly to sleep yesterday.  He also had cancer - bone cancer.  The breed is known for this type of cancer.  When I saw the xray I couldn't believe that he was such a trooper and didn't complain until yesterday.  He let me know when it was his time. 

I'm feeling lost and lonely too.  I am home on medical leave due to back surgery.  I've been home for 8 weeks.  I am so lucky that I got to spend the extra time with my fly, but now I am here for another 5 weeks without him.  It's too quiet and not the same.  I miss him so much.

Again, i'm sorry for your loss.  
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Linda_2000
A week agoo today we had to say goodbye  to our brave little Italian Greyhound Leo he  would have been 14yrs In january.  I never thought it would be  as heartbreaking  as this  .We miss him so much .. 
Over the last 2yrs he has rallied round so many times
Our vets treated him for cushings and the medication nearly killed him  until we stopped it .  He has colitis on  & off.  Then this June while we were on holiday  he was taken into hospital for a few days  & he nearly died. But true to form  he made fantastic recovery  when we took him to vets they could not believe  it was the sam Leo.   our vet never really came up with diagnosis. Since then He has bad bout of colitis   then  he had a nosebleed.  Last  wednesday he had a funny turn  eyes moving side to side  & distressed . We took him to the night vet she thought he had had a stroke.  but he had  no sign of  anyting when we got there  only his  liver enzymes were 850 instead of  235.  The vet gave us  ome electolyte  poder for him to have if had a episode again.
  We took him to our own vet Thusday and he seemed  well  trotted out of vets as if to say  nothing wrong with me.  Thursday night  he had another episode &  c lost power in his back legs.
Friday  we took him back to our  vet his eyes were going side to side & holding his head on one side,& she said she thought he had another stroke  or something else going on  in his little head. we should make the decision to let Leo go as it would not be fair to him . We arranged  for our vet to come to our  house Saturday   as we wanted to be with him one more night  so we could all say goodbye ..
 It Wasn't meant to be  He had several more episodes  and at 6pm I had to call the vet
She arrived  18.30pm  and released Leo to go to Rainbow Bridge  >he was so peaceful . But it broke our hearts .Seeing his little face  when he was panicking he could not stand  it was terrible  .i feel really  selfish I did not let our vet  come out in  the afternoon  although it would have been only 1 hour earlier.  Looking back I do wonder if he had either nasal tumour or brain tumour  he would press his head into my hand  when I  stroked his ear  something he had only done in last couple of months should I have picked up on this .
Little Leo we miss you I am sure you are having a lovely time with your    mummy ,Daddy & Uncle Polo xxxxxx

LJ Banks
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lnh18
ljoy537 wrote:
i'm so sorry for the loss of your dog.

 I've had to put three animals to sleep in the last 7 months. I had two cats that were both 16.  One had liver cancer and the other one had kidney failure. One of the cats I didn't stay with her, and I regret it.  I was alone when I took her to the vet, and I just wasn't going to be able to watch her leave. I did what was best for me -and that's ok - but i look back now and I wish I had been with her.

  My second cat, Fluffy, died 4 months later.  I stayed with her, but I couldn't get the thought of what I saw out of my mind.  It was devastating to me and I cried so much.  My heart hurt.  Please know that after some time, you will feel better, and won't think about the end so much.  

I just had to put my greyhound fly to sleep yesterday.  He also had cancer - bone cancer.  The breed is known for this type of cancer.  When I saw the xray I couldn't believe that he was such a trooper and didn't complain until yesterday.  He let me know when it was his time. 

I'm feeling lost and lonely too.  I am home on medical leave due to back surgery.  I've been home for 8 weeks.  I am so lucky that I got to spend the extra time with my fly, but now I am here for another 5 weeks without him.  It's too quiet and not the same.  I miss him so much.

Again, i'm sorry for your loss.  


I am so sorry for the loss of all of your animals.  It must be hard to be home now without Fly.  You were definitely lucky to be with him for the time that you were home, but I do understand your pain right now.  

I just don't understand why so many dogs get cancer.  It isn't fair.  I wish I had the answer...I suppose we all do!

Thank you for your kind words also.
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BT1957
I am dealing with the same images myself, something I am not able to get out of my mind. I feel your pain as well. I wish us both peace somehow and that we find a way to deal with our loss. I don't think I could ever do this again! I miss my baby Buster so much that the pain is unbearable. I pray for both of us and everyone else that has been through this!!!

Daddy loves you Buster and I'll never stop loving you. What I'd give to hold you again, why did god take you from me?

Heartbroken forever.
Buster's daddy
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VFerrll
I am so sorry for your loss, and I feel your pain.  My cat died from kidney disease on August 22, and I am still not able to get over it.  She was 18 years old and had never been sick until February, when she was diagnosed with kidney failure.  It was heartbreaking watching her decline so fast.  I tried so hard to fight this disease.  Euthanasia was never an option.   She was so weak with anemia that she collapsed on my lap one night.  Suddenly, she jumped up and started throwing up; then, she collapsed again.  I didn't think she would make it to the animal hospital.  There was not a clear diagnosis as to what happened to her, but the doctor didn't think she would be mentally right.  I don't even know if she knew I was holding her in the end.  Finally, I realized it was best for her, but I still feel guilty about all of the things that I didn't do for her, wishing that I could have that day back.  The guilt is so horrible, because I didn't hold her more that day.  I don't know how long it will take me to get over this.
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