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April_Scott

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Reply with quote  #1 
I lost my first personal dog on Easter Sunday to a heart hemangiosarcoma that burster filling the pericardium sac arround the heart with blood, I am devastated, this was unexpected and I have been so very lost without him. The last few days I've been struggling with the fact that when I helped him cross over the rainbow bridge, I left the room within a minute. I am now thinking that I should of stayed with him a few more minutes. As I wonder when the brain catches up to the heart stopping. I can't stop thinking that he was alone during the brains shutting down process. I'm having such bad regrets. I feel like I failed him in his finale moments. I'm so very mad at myself and this thought has taken primary residents as a permanent thought that has been lingering over me the past few days. I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I let my best friend down. I promised to be there until the very end, not skip out early. I hope one day I can forgive myself.
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April Scott
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BlairS

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi April.  I've gone through a similar ordeal recently and I can completely relate to how you feel.  

I don't know if you have ever had surgery where they ask you to count down numbers as you fall unconscious from the anesthesia, but rest assured you did nothing wrong and your friend has only good memories of you being there at the end.

I know this is not much consolation, but it is the truth.  Sometimes doing the right thing hurts a lot.  You are taking all the hurt now so your friend does not have to anymore.  There is no greater love than that.

Be well.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #3 
I have stayed with several of my fur babies until the very end.  After a certain point, the pet doesn't seem to have any awareness.  

My daughter just sat with her dying cat for a number of hours several nights ago.  The cat did not seem to have much awareness of anything in her final hours.  

I don't think your precious baby felt abandoned.   You were with him when he was conscious and I know that you loved him very much and he would have known that.  

It seems to be very common that people feel guilty about something after they lose a beloved fur baby.  It is probably part of the grieving process that you are going through.

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Patsy
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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi April_Scott
I am so sorry for your loss. Feeling you can't forgive yourself is not unusual. I had a tragic loss, too and it's been hard to let go of my guilt. So many of us go over and over what we could have done better. I am still going over what I didn't do and it's been almost 5 months. I'm told time helps.  I must be a slowpoke. This is a safe place to express yourself without judgment. Everyone understands because we are grieving for many different types of losses.  Please continue to use this forum to reach out. Outside of pet loss forums I only have one other support system. My outside support is a grief counselor. There's no time limit to grieve. I am told acceptance and letting go of guilt will take less toll on us.  I am thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
~ Parker's Mom
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Mistysmama

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Reply with quote  #5 
Dear April, at the death of the body, and frequently before brain death has fully completed, we all go out of the body, the Soul exits.
When the real Self -the Soul is out of the body perception can sometimes be a bit fuzzy but consciousness is completely aware usually, of the room, and outside of the room.
Consciousness is drawn by strongest desire at that point. For some it's straight up and out. For others, it is more important to be with loved ones here for a while. Either way is perfectly natural.

My guess is, that your Quazar went straight to be with you; "I'm getting the heck off this vet's table!!" (most of them would!) And the bond you had was so strong he would make a bee-line for you.
Doors wouldn't get in his way, or any distances. He'd be right by you in an instant.
He would have no concept of you "walking away and leaving him for a moment or two".

He probably even went home with you.

Please try not to torture yourself about those last moments. I know they are important to you and hurt, and I don't mean to invalidate your pain. Our pain at those times is immense. I do know.

But the viewpoint from the "other side" is vastly different to what we imagine.

Blessings to you and blessings to Quazar.

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Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Mistysmama

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Reply with quote  #6 
I would just like to also say, April, that even when they do decide to transition fully to their life in the next world -which they do in their own time -they still can return to connect with us in pure love, and even at times to make a distinct "visit".

That isn't surmise, it is based on what my dog showed me after she passed.

Blessings and kind thoughts to you -both.

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Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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JW123

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi April, I felt exactly the same way when I lost my Labrador boy in February. One of the hardest things for me was feeling that I left the room too soon after he was put to sleep and that afterwards he was still somehow at the vets not able to find me. I had this overwhelming feeling that I wanted to go to wherever he was and take him a blanket and settle him in to doggy heaven. I promise that in time it gets easier and you'll be comforted by knowing he'll always be with you.
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Lana

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Reply with quote  #8 
I have sat with family members who were dying and it wasn't until I left the room that they passed.  Your dog might the done the same thing, knowing that it would be too much for you to bear.  Don't do this to yourself,
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