JinglesMom
It is interesting and somewhat surreal that every single night for the past week when I have come home from work, my neighbor's cat is sitting right by my front door waiting for me. He is a big, beautiful gray cat with the most amazing emerald green eyes that remind me so much of my Jingles, and I cannot help but smile every time I see him standing guard on my porch. He is just so sweet, and when I reach out and pet him, he curls himself around me and just purrs away. I know that he is not mine, but I find myself thinking that perhaps he was sent by my darling Jingles to show me that maybe one day, I will be able to open my heart and home to another little one who needs me.

I have read the book "Signs from Pets in the Afterlife", and I remember reading about something called Over-Souling where a pet in Heaven directs the behavior and actions of a living pet here on this earth to send messages of comfort and peace. They say that cats have a special innate sixth sense and that they can tell so much about a person. Our departed babies can feel our deepest emotions and unspoken thoughts, and quite often they know just what we need, before we are even aware. I have never seen this cat before, but apparently he has picked me and I am the "chosen one", and for that I am so grateful. I am not about to let this go by the wayside as just a coincidence. In my opinion, there are no coincidences in this life, everything happens for a reason, and whatever is meant to be will and always does find a way.

Somehow this cat with no name might be able to feel that I have been through such deep and profound losses, and that I needed him, even if only for a little while. The animal kingdom is so much smarter and more perceptive than we think, and they have such an amazing intuition that so often defies scientific explanation. I can vividly remember coming home each night from work, and my special boy Jingles would run up to meet me with such a sweet sparkle in his eyes, looking at me like I was his whole world. I have so missed my dear little baby and his beautiful spirit. I thought that it was over, I thought well this is the end of the line for me, no more pets, no more tears, no more heartbreak. Then all of a sudden this cat who is not even mine comes around, and changes my whole way of thinking.

I did not think that I would ever again see someone waiting for me to come home. I love seeing those two little eyes peering out through the darkness waiting just for me, and I love the thought that maybe I can be someone's whole world again. Never say never, never close off your heart and your soul like I did for a time. Sometimes the pain of loss and separation is so great and the sorrow so deep that we feel we can never go through that ever again. The barriers we put up protect us we think, but really all they are doing is keeping the love away. Sometimes we have to take the risk when we know so well what the final outcome will be, because the pure and unbridled joy of knowing and loving them so surpasses the sadness and despair and losing them. "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose", and knowing and loving them is so worth the tears, and so worth the sleepless nights, and so worth the unfathomable pain of what we think is a final goodbye, but is in reality a see you around the bend, in a kinder and gentler place. Just think, all it took was a little gray cat with no name, sitting on my front porch waiting for me night after night to break these barriers down that I had put up.

I just cannot help but feel that this is such a precious gift from above to show me that maybe one day I will be able to love again. I know with absolutely no doubt that nothing would make my little ones happier than to see their mommy giving some poor and needy little one some of the boundless and amazing love that they left behind. They don't want us to think of them with sadness and tears, they want us to celebrate their life with a bright and open heart willing to let someone else in. Maybe one day when the stars align and the angels in Heaven bring everything together at just the right time, I too will be able to find that dear and special little soul who is waiting just for me. I am not actively looking, but I really don't need to, because when we find each other, it will be kismet, and there will be nothing in this universe that can keep us apart … love will always find a way.
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Gingers_Mommy
@ JinglesMom, I am incredibly moved by this post. I'm 100% glad that you have come to this realization. That it's ok to love again after loss.

There is a cat that's been visiting me too (it def belongs to someone although no collar, he's a chunky one so def being fed) and it has helped my healing.

I'm glad this neighbor cat is helping heal your heart too.

This post filled me with light. Thank you for sharing and of course warm hugs your way.
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Gucci
JinglesMom - This is a beautiful post that shows so lucidly your capacity for love, your generosity, your openness to life itself...

That you are willing to receive this gray cat's gift is just wonderful. I agree that it's far too easy to shut down from feeling fully. If we do, we never enter into that exhilarating state of genuine attunement with our animal companions.

The price to pay for taking that risk, of course, is the profound sorrow when they pass out of our lives. As brutal as it was to lose all the cats I did in my life (the most recent being my darling cat Sammi in early Oct), I was also so grateful for how deeply they'd enriched my life and how much joy they'd brought to me. Love doesn't stop even during the mourning.

I know you'll know when it's the right moment.

 
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Pamela,

Thank you for your insightful, poignant and lovely post, as always. You are one of the forums most eloquent members and writers.

Such was the case with my recent adopted rescue "kitten" KID. We think he is about 7 to 8 months now. He is such a bright, smart, loving, silly, hilarious and kind soul. I can't help but think that my cat "Marmalade" whispered to KID to cross my path the way that he did, and to cry out to me all those times that he did when I walked by. To trap himself in a cat trap with no food in it, he just walked in for no reason and triggered it the day I took him in, and to make me smile and laugh again when I did not think that would be possible, after my heart was so completely shattered by the loss of my Marmalade. Never, ever did I think I would open my heart up again for a cat. Not ever. I had resigned myself to be alone for the rest of my life I was so, so fearful of ever experiencing that level of grief again. 

Now I can not imagine KID being out on the street the way that he would have been, had I not adopted him. Just that thought of him being out on his own on the street, really troubles me so greatly. He has really blossomed due to love, affection, companionship and kindness. I work with him daily to reassure him and make him feel that he is safe and very much loved and adored. 

I am now considering adopting another cat to give them a home. There are so, so many cats out there who desperately need a home, love, affection, companionship, care and warmth. I have been thinking lately "One life at a time, as best I can." I am planning on doing so, need to get KID's blood work done, as he has been through so much, but hoping for the best. Again thank you for your post above.

Hugs.

Kind regards,
James
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Gucci
James - you and KID are saving one another! He sounds like such a character; in fact, like someone Marmalade would very much get along with, and completely approve of!

All the best for this unexpected path before you.
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JinglesMom
@ JinglesMom, I am incredibly moved by this post. I'm 100% glad that you have come to this realization. That it's ok to love again after loss.

There is a cat that's been visiting me too (it def belongs to someone although no collar, he's a chunky one so def being fed) and it has helped my healing.

I'm glad this neighbor cat is helping heal your heart too.

This post filled me with light. Thank you for sharing and of course warm hugs your way. [/QUOTE

Hi Gingers_Mommy,
Thank you so much for your very kind words about my post. I just had closed off my heart for so long, and I truly did not ever think I would even consider letting another little one in. That is so nice that you have a cat that has been visiting you also, and I am so glad to hear that it has helped with your healing. I cannot even begin to tell you how good it feels to have a little someone waiting for me to come home from work each night, even though he belongs to another. I love how you wrote that my message filled you with light, how wonderful that made me feel. Your post so filled with compassion and understanding really meant so much to me, and I am so grateful for your friendship on this forum. I hope that you are able to feel your sweet girl's beautiful spirit as you face each day, and that you can find peace and contentment in your heart by knowing that you were and are such a special and devoted mom to a very precious girl named Ginger Spice. Sending lots of hugs your way, JinglesMom
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JinglesMom
JinglesMom - This is a beautiful post that shows so lucidly your capacity for love, your generosity, your openness to life itself...

That you are willing to receive this gray cat's gift is just wonderful. I agree that it's far too easy to shut down from feeling fully. If we do, we never enter into that exhilarating state of genuine attunement with our animal companions.

The price to pay for taking that risk, of course, is the profound sorrow when they pass out of our lives. As brutal as it was to lose all the cats I did in my life (the most recent being my darling cat Sammi in early Oct), I was also so grateful for how deeply they'd enriched my life and how much joy they'd brought to me. Love doesn't stop even during the mourning.

I know you'll know when it's the right moment.

 [/QUOTE

Dear Gucci,
Thank you so much for your very kind words and your lovely post which really did mean so much to me. You are so right that it is far too easy to shut down from feeling fully, truer words were never spoken. Sometimes the pain and sadness is just too much to bear, so then I feel that our minds go into a protective mode, but in reality all that we are doing is keeping the love away. I have often thought that our spirit can only take so much before this protective mechanism kicks in, but I suppose our minds and our hearts are more resilient than we think. We are all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and all we need to do is keep hope in our hearts and courage in our soul. 

The true tragedy of this situation would be that I had never met my Jingles, my Jasper, or my Pootie Tang, because even though I would not have felt the terrible pain and despair of separation, I also would have never felt the unbridled joy of their sweetness and light, and their special love that knows no bounds. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved cat Sammi in October, and I really do appreciate your reaching out to me in the midst of your own loss and sorrow. Your words ring so true when you write that love doesn't stop even during the mourning, it never stops and it never dies, it just keeps growing stronger. Thank you again Gucci so much for your wonderful words so filled with such an amazing understanding, compassion, and support. I wish you brighter days ahead filled with the sweet and special love of your precious Sammi. We may not be able to see them with our eyes, but we can always feel them with our heart. Sending hugs to you and your Sammi at the bridge, JinglesMom
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JinglesMom
Memories_of_Marmalade wrote:


Dear Pamela,

Thank you for your insightful, poignant and lovely post, as always. You are one of the forums most eloquent members and writers.

Such was the case with my recent adopted rescue "kitten" KID. We think he is about 7 to 8 months now. He is such a bright, smart, loving, silly, hilarious and kind soul. I can't help but think that my cat "Marmalade" whispered to KID to cross my path the way that he did, and to cry out to me all those times that he did when I walked by. To trap himself in a cat trap with no food in it, he just walked in for no reason and triggered it the day I took him in, and to make me smile and laugh again when I did not think that would be possible, after my heart was so completely shattered by the loss of my Marmalade. Never, ever did I think I would open my heart up again for a cat. Not ever. I had resigned myself to be alone for the rest of my life I was so, so fearful of ever experiencing that level of grief again. 

Now I can not imagine KID being out on the street the way that he would have been, had I not adopted him. Just that thought of him being out on his own on the street, really troubles me so greatly. He has really blossomed due to love, affection, companionship and kindness. I work with him daily to reassure him and make him feel that he is safe and very much loved and adored. 

I am now considering adopting another cat to give them a home. There are so, so many cats out there who desperately need a home, love, affection, companionship, care and warmth. I have been thinking lately "One life at a time, as best I can." I am planning on doing so, need to get KID's blood work done, as he has been through so much, but hoping for the best. Again thank you for your post above.

Hugs.

Kind regards,
James


Dear James,
Thank you so much for your beautiful words so filled with such kindness and compassion. Your posts always make me smile through my tears no matter what I am going through, because they are filled with such genuine emotion and feeling. I had to smile when you wrote about your recent adopted kitten KID. Just hearing about this sweet little one and the way that you two crossed paths totally melted my heart. You and I both know with absolutely no doubt that your beloved Marmalade had a hand (or should I say paw) in this. You speak of this little fellow with such warmth and love, and he sounds like a sparkling little star who is illuminating your path with his incredible sweetness and light. I can just picture this adorable little kitten who wandered right into a cat trap with no food in it, just so that you would take him in, with his dear little pleading eyes saying "Choose me, because I choose you". You were most definitely the chosen one, which shows he is a very bright little boy indeed, and he was just waiting for his person to find him, and his person was you. 

It sounds as though your darling little KID has come so far since you first opened your heart and home to him. I am so happy to hear that he has really blossomed under your devoted and loving care, and he must feel so much more secure now knowing that there is someone who will stand by him and never let him down. I absolutely love how you wrote "One life at a time, as best I can". Well let me tell you James, you are making quite the difference in this big old world of ours, on this forum with your generosity of spirit in helping so many going through such adversity, and in the animal kingdom by going above and beyond for these amazing precious souls who have so little but bring so much into our lives and world with their mere presence and unconditional love. 

Bringing this little guy home with you was so sweet and so very special, and now you are even thinking about adopting another. I can imagine the angels are smiling in Heaven when they hear your name James, and see all that you do for those who are in such need. Thank you for being the kind of person you are who cares so much and gives with your whole heart and soul, thank you for helping my heart to heal time after time with your beautiful and gentle words, thank you for saving this dear little kitten who no one else cared about, but thank most of all for being you. Thank you for stepping up and taking this sweet little kitten out of a cold harsh existence and showing him that this world is not such a bad place after all. You will always and forever be his best friend, his special person, and most importantly, his hero. Marmalade could not be any prouder of you right now. Sending hugs your way, Pamela
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Zeke1_
Hi jingles mom- i lived your post. It was beautiful and I whole heartedly agree although I could never have said it as eloquently as you. Thank you for posting, i have adored a rescue dog who day by day is making me open my heart in ways I thought I could not anymore after the Loss of my Zeke. I hope you cross paths with your new cat and soulmate soon. - Ted
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JinglesMom
Zeke1_ wrote:
Hi jingles mom- i lived your post. It was beautiful and I whole heartedly agree although I could never have said it as eloquently as you. Thank you for posting, i have adored a rescue dog who day by day is making me open my heart in ways I thought I could not anymore after the Loss of my Zeke. I hope you cross paths with your new cat and soulmate soon. - Ted


Dear Ted,
Thank you so much for your very kind words about my post, that was very nice of you, and your words so filled with compassion meant so much to me. I am so happy to hear that your rescue dog is helping your heart heal after the deep and profound loss of your special Zeke. You have walked and are walking this cold and long journey of grief just as I have, and I know that you can so understand my conflicting emotions about letting another little one into my heart and my home. After experiencing three terrible losses in a little over five years, I just could not see how I could ever take that risk again. And I keep coming back to that one sentence, the barriers we put up protect us we think, but really all they are doing is keeping the love away. What if I had never met my darling Jingles, my special boy Jasper, and my sweet little Pootie Tang, that would be such a tragedy, because they made me who I am today, and who I will become tomorrow. They showed me courage in the face of adversity, light in the midst of the darkness, and a love that knows no bounds. 

Their legacy is one of sweetness and love, not sadness and fear. It is so easy to just shut down because we are so scared of being hurt again, when that is the very last thing our dear babies would want us to do. They want us to be happy and to celebrate their life, and honor their beautiful and everlasting memory, by helping a dear little soul who is lost and all alone who needs us. I realize this now, and all it took was a beautiful little kitty who I had never seen before coming to sit on my porch every single night and wait just for me. It felt so good to be waited for, to see those emerald eyes peering out of the darkness fixed totally on me. I felt special again, and loved, and nothing is more important in this life than that.

I miss my sweet kitties more than words could ever say, but I know that they are still so close, as close as me calling out their name. And I know that when the time does come, and I reach my arms out to another little one who captures my heart and soul, my three little angels in Heaven will be filled with joy and pride, that their mommy loved them so much that she is willing to let someone else into her heart, a place where they are tucked so safely away, until our eyes meet once again. Thank you again so much for writing Ted, and I hope that the radiant light and unfaltering love of your special Zeke will always and forever illuminate your path, so that you two will always be able to find your way back to each other. You may not be able to see him with your eyes, but you can always feel him with your heart. Sending hugs your way, JinglesMom
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Gucci
Ted - How wonderful that you've encountered Zeke, who is working his healing magic with you. Dogs are capable of a boundless love in a way that is quite difficult for humans to emulate. We 2-legged beings must consciously work to achieve anything close to that degree of openness...

Pamela - I couldn't agree with you more about the enormously bittersweet ache in realizing that the shrinking away from the immense pain of losing our animal companions is precisely what prevents us from the glorious experience of communion with them.

Had I never had my previous cats - Gucci, Argus, Mimi (Sammi being my most recent absence) - all of whom I loved and lost and mourned over the years, I would never have known the endless richness and joy and awe that they brought to my life.

It's a conscious choice to remain open-hearted because life contains so much suffering that we observe and experience directly. Thinking of you, and sending hugs your way.

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