Oh NoriFaria, I so much wish you are right. That he knows that I did it out of love. That I could just physically couldn't stand to see him suffer. It was just a wave of panic attacks on my side the last day. Seeing someone struggle for air IS HORRIBLE. Perhaps it could have been helped with the air chamber. He was in one on Friday, and it gave him 4 extra days. Not perfect days. But still. But all the pills, and he was not eating, and the cries, and the change of behaviour. I so want to think that that awful night I could see clearly, I could communicate with him, I could see his pain, I could understand him, and I did THE RIGHT THING. That it is now, in the cage of grief, where I am half.crazy and not being able to appreciate what I did with clear eyes. Everyone tells me, YOU LOVED THAT DOG, You took him to the vet, the hair cuts every three months, had his special meals from the vet for 10 years, took him to the kennel on the 2 hour drive so he could be with a person that loved him instead of a cage, the hugs every morning, the games at 11, the walks in the afternoon, the cozy times in the sofa, including him...everything. I CANT SEE IT when my head gets clouded with guilt and my eyes with tears. I am a mess. DAY TWO. It helps to read your messages, to be in a forum where people understand that he was not just an animal to me, he was one of the most important relationships in my life. My LOVE. Can you tell me more about your process? Many hugs from here
Don't overthink it. I know it can be hard. We feel like we failed as a parent. I lost one of my cats yesterday, I know what you mean. It is heart wrenching. It feels like a never ending pool of despair and we just drown in it while sinking to the bottom.
We keep asking did I do enough? Did he know I loved him more than the world? Was he ok? Will he ever forgive me for everything I didn't do.
Believe me... I get it. But I do believe that yes, they know. They felt it. They saw it. And when our time to meet them finally comes, they'll be right there. Just like when they were when we went out for groceries or something. I'm sure they are sooo happy where they are. So happy!