Forum
Sign up Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
BeautifulDK

Registered:
Posts: 46
Reply with quote  #1 
I just lost my Rosco, mini-schnauzer, almost 14 years old. He was diagnosed with congestive heart disease (stage 4) last Friday, after having a couple of nights having difficulty breathing. My vet is on holidays so I went to the emergency ward at the university. Their vet gave him pills to be taken 4 times a day and he could just manage. In the nights it got bad, and then he had some hours where hope would fill my body and I felt so grateful for having him with me. But he was not eating, and his behavior started changing. The vet suggested to wait it out. But around three pm he got really ill and started “crying”. His stomach got distended, he started digging holes and hiding, he started avoiding us. At some point he collapsed, not being able to breathe. The vet said I could expect this to happen in the first 7 days of treatment. But the pain was unbearable to watch. I lied with him in the floor, it was so traumatic. At 3am I decided to let him go. I wanted it to be in the morning so my kids could say goodbye, so I called the emergency ward to ask for advice ti make him comfortable. The vet on guard told me that if he was in so much pain, we should not delay the procedure. I woke up my kids (12, twins) and they couldn’t say goodbye then and there so we all headed to the emergency room with our dearest friend, our baby, our joy. We all hugged him and stayed with him until he was no more. Coming home was a nightmare. The house without him is not a home. We are taking turns in being numb and having crazy cries. In the pain and trauma and shock I forget all the good. I pray to good to give me strength to be here for my kids, who are hurting as much as I am. I started writing emails to my dog (to my own email address) - unable to shut communication with him. I know its silly, but I am desperate to tell him how much we love him, how difficult it was to let him go, how many regrets I have. So many missed opportunities. I thought he will be here for the promised 6-12 months, I am totally unprepared for this loss.
0
Jan_H

Registered:
Posts: 217
Reply with quote  #2 
I am very sorry for your loss of precious Rosco.  It is normal to have regrets but you did the right thing by waking the kids, letting all of you say good bye and ending his suffering. It is always so difficult at the beginning to deal with the emptiness, the quiet and all the little things that remind us our beloved furry one is no longer with us.

There are many people here who understand and can help you through this difficult time. Please feel free to share feelings, stories and pictures of Rosco.

My condolences,
Jan
0
Memories_of_Marmalade

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 829
Reply with quote  #3 


Dear Gabriela,

I am sorry for what your precious Rosco and your family endured. That was a lot to go through for all of you. I am relieved however that Rosco was a valued member of your family and experienced love, affection, adoration and being cherished for 14 years. All dogs should be so blessed and fortunate. Although "Forever" would not be long enough with our beloved's.

As Jan said some share stories here. Others write letters to their lost loved ones. Which become almost a kind of journal of sorts. This helps in preserving our memories of our beloved's. There are many posted here on this forum. I collect my memories in kind of a short story form. (as long as they may be! Lol. ) But your sending emails to your pup to your email address will also obviously suffice. Doing so appears to be cathartic and therapeutic.

I hope you come to visit us again. This forum has been a true blessing for myself and so many others. It is a safe zone for the grieving process.

My sincerest condolences,
James
0
NoriFaria

Registered:
Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #4 
I so sorry for your loss. You and your boys sound like an amazing family. And I'm sure you gave Rosco all the love in the world. 
You have to be strong. Rosco died with a family that loves him. And he knew that. I'm so so sure he knew that. You know, they might not speak like we do, but they sure know a lot more than us. He knew he was family. He knew he was your "other son". He knew. And wherever he is, his heart his warm and happy. He'll be there for you, and when the time comes, you'll see him again. Free of pain and suffering. 

If you need to talk, feel free to send me a message. 

Be strong

__________________
Ana
0
BeautifulDK

Registered:
Posts: 46
Reply with quote  #5 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of precious Rosco.  It is normal to have regrets but you did the right thing by waking the kids, letting all of you say good bye and ending his suffering. It is always so difficult at the beginning to deal with the emptiness, the quiet and all the little things that remind us our beloved furry one is no longer with us.

There are many people here who understand and can help you through this difficult time. Please feel free to share feelings, stories and pictures of Rosco.

My condolences,
Jan


Hi Jan, Thanks for your words. It is like a double burden - the vast loss and the grief. The only thing that helps is remembering the perfect love that we shared. I try to look back to that night and try to see if I took the decision too lightly, too quickly, why didn't they ask me more questions? Why didn't anyone try to stop me? My husband says its because it WAS the right thing to do, a 14 year old dog, that can't breathe, that is flooded with pills. Anyway, I REALLY want to speak with my vet soon. He comes in on Monday. I want some sort of reassurance that it was not just me in my crazy mind of worrying for my dog that did something rash. My husband says that we spoke about it and that he agreed. Its all a blur. I am in a cage of grief, can't think clearly. But I did do a video of our last 4 years together. (link attached) ... that was useful, and I keep writing to him all the time. 
Thanks Jan, for listening. Only people that have lost understand. Can you tell me about your story? Hugs



0
BeautifulDK

Registered:
Posts: 46
Reply with quote  #6 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Gabriela,

I am sorry for what your precious Rosco and your family endured. That was a lot to go through for all of you. I am relieved however that Rosco was a valued member of your family and experienced love, affection, adoration and being cherished for 14 years. All dogs should be so blessed and fortunate. Although "Forever" would not be long enough with our beloved's.

As Jan said some share stories here. Others write letters to their lost loved ones. Which become almost a kind of journal of sorts. This helps in preserving our memories of our beloved's. There are many posted here on this forum. I collect my memories in kind of a short story form. (as long as they may be! Lol. ) But your sending emails to your pup to your email address will also obviously suffice. Doing so appears to be cathartic and therapeutic.

I hope you come to visit us again. This forum has been a true blessing for myself and so many others. It is a safe zone for the grieving process.

My sincerest condolences,
James


Thanks James! I bought a book a week ago  "Dog Songs" by Mary Oliver. It is great, but centred obviously on her memories with her dogs. I think its a great idea to write about different episodes of our life together. I have less regrets today after seeing my pictures, we did have a great life together, and I DID LOVE HIM WITH PERFECT LOVE. The fact that the ned was so sudden and traumatic eclipses the good. I am thankful for this forum <3 Thanks for replying. Can you tell me more about your process? Gaby

0
BeautifulDK

Registered:
Posts: 46
Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoriFaria
I so sorry for your loss. You and your boys sound like an amazing family. And I'm sure you gave Rosco all the love in the world. 
You have to be strong. Rosco died with a family that loves him. And he knew that. I'm so so sure he knew that. You know, they might not speak like we do, but they sure know a lot more than us. He knew he was family. He knew he was your "other son". He knew. And wherever he is, his heart his warm and happy. He'll be there for you, and when the time comes, you'll see him again. Free of pain and suffering. 

If you need to talk, feel free to send me a message. 

Be strong


Oh NoriFaria, I so much wish you are right. That he knows that I did it out of love. That I could just physically couldn't stand to see him suffer. It was just a wave of panic attacks on my side the last day. Seeing someone struggle for air IS HORRIBLE. Perhaps it could have been helped with the air chamber. He was in one on Friday, and it gave him 4 extra days. Not perfect days. But still. But all the pills, and he was not eating, and the cries, and the change of behaviour. I so want to think that that awful night I could see clearly, I could communicate with him, I could see his pain, I could understand him, and I did THE RIGHT THING. That it is now, in the cage of grief, where I am half.crazy and not being able to appreciate what I did with clear eyes. Everyone tells me, YOU LOVED THAT DOG, You took him to the vet, the hair cuts every three months, had his special meals from the vet for 10 years, took him to the kennel on the 2 hour drive so he could be with a person that loved him instead of a cage, the hugs every morning, the games at 11, the walks in the afternoon, the cozy times in the sofa, including him...everything. I CANT SEE IT when my head gets clouded with guilt and my eyes with tears. I am a mess. DAY TWO. It helps to read your messages, to be in a forum where people understand that he was not just an animal to me, he was one of the most important relationships in my life. My LOVE. Can you tell me more about your process? Many hugs from here

0
FClaire

Registered:
Posts: 171
Reply with quote  #8 
I'm so sorry about your loss on Rosco. I know exactly how you are feeling, it's just so heartbreaking isnt it? We lost our beautiful little Ollie 12 days ago, he was a westie aged 11 on the day we lost him.He had lung disease, but we naively thought he was doing ok. He collapsed suddenly and was struggling to breathe. After a night in hospital and the vet trying everything, he was struggling to breath our natural air. He couldn't cope. She advised us it would be the kindest thing to do,was to let him go. We were all with him and it was so peaceful. I too have been racked with guilt ever since. I think I know now in my heart it was the right decision, but it still hurts like hell. Every day is a struggle, mornings I find particularly hard. As soon as I open my eyes it hits me again,dont want to get out of bed because knowing when I go down stairs he's not there waiting for me. Yes that empty feeling in the house is so painful. It doesn't feel like a home anymore. We did everything for him,our lives revolved around him. He was the boss!! It feels so long ago he was here and this is upsetting me terribly.I want to feel him near and cant. I feel so guilty over this. All the thought and emotions you go through I think are scary. I'm just plodding and taking things slowly. I to felt I had to speak to the vets a few days later. She was so compassionate it was the first time we met her that night. She assured me when I spoke to her, that ollie didn't suffer but he would have done if we'd brought him home or left him there for more treatment. She said they gave him plenty of kisses and cuddles during the night and made him comfortable. I'd never left him so I felt guilty over that. I think I've accepted now we did the right thing,I think!!!! Every day seems to get harder and harder,but I'm trying. I know he wouldn't want us to be sad, just like your Rosco wouldn't want you to be. But how can we not be, we just want them back dont we? I feel your pain too,you are not alone. I come on here because I've found people around me just dont understand. Everyone on here does and I'm so glad I found them. So sorry and hugs to you too xxx
0
NoriFaria

Registered:
Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #9 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeautifulDK


Oh NoriFaria, I so much wish you are right. That he knows that I did it out of love. That I could just physically couldn't stand to see him suffer. It was just a wave of panic attacks on my side the last day. Seeing someone struggle for air IS HORRIBLE. Perhaps it could have been helped with the air chamber. He was in one on Friday, and it gave him 4 extra days. Not perfect days. But still. But all the pills, and he was not eating, and the cries, and the change of behaviour. I so want to think that that awful night I could see clearly, I could communicate with him, I could see his pain, I could understand him, and I did THE RIGHT THING. That it is now, in the cage of grief, where I am half.crazy and not being able to appreciate what I did with clear eyes. Everyone tells me, YOU LOVED THAT DOG, You took him to the vet, the hair cuts every three months, had his special meals from the vet for 10 years, took him to the kennel on the 2 hour drive so he could be with a person that loved him instead of a cage, the hugs every morning, the games at 11, the walks in the afternoon, the cozy times in the sofa, including him...everything. I CANT SEE IT when my head gets clouded with guilt and my eyes with tears. I am a mess. DAY TWO. It helps to read your messages, to be in a forum where people understand that he was not just an animal to me, he was one of the most important relationships in my life. My LOVE. Can you tell me more about your process? Many hugs from here



Don't overthink it. I know it can be hard. We feel like we failed as a parent. I lost one of my cats yesterday, I know what you mean. It is heart wrenching. It feels like a never ending pool of despair and we just drown in it while sinking to the bottom. 

We keep asking did I do enough? Did he know I loved him more than the world? Was he ok? Will he ever forgive me for everything I didn't do. 

Believe me... I get it. But I do believe that yes, they know. They felt it. They saw it. And when our time to meet them finally comes, they'll be right there. Just like when they were when we went out for groceries or something. I'm sure they are sooo happy where they are. So happy! 

 


__________________
Ana
0
BeautifulDK

Registered:
Posts: 46
Reply with quote  #10 
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoriFaria



Don't overthink it. I know it can be hard. We feel like we failed as a parent. I lost one of my cats yesterday, I know what you mean. It is heart wrenching. It feels like a never ending pool of despair and we just drown in it while sinking to the bottom. 

We keep asking did I do enough? Did he know I loved him more than the world? Was he ok? Will he ever forgive me for everything I didn't do. 

Believe me... I get it. But I do believe that yes, they know. They felt it. They saw it. And when our time to meet them finally comes, they'll be right there. Just like when they were when we went out for groceries or something. I'm sure they are sooo happy where they are. So happy! 

 



Its like I WROTE THIS POST. It is exactly how I feel. I am so grateful to be in company of persons that understand, it makes the process less lonely. I had a shrink come home today, as I felt so much out of it. She told me something that for her, was the obvious point, of all the things I was afraid of, is that Rosco was alone somewhere out there. That he didn't have me to take care of him. But the point that she made me see if that in reality HE had been taken care of me all this time. Being with me in the toughest, most important days of my life, and it was time for me to relieve him of his duty. I am still in deep grief, but it helped to reframe things a bit. My condolences for the death of your cat, hope you find relief in knowing that we understand <3
0
BeautifulDK

Registered:
Posts: 46
Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FClaire
I'm so sorry about your loss on Rosco. I know exactly how you are feeling, it's just so heartbreaking isnt it? We lost our beautiful little Ollie 12 days ago, he was a westie aged 11 on the day we lost him.He had lung disease, but we naively thought he was doing ok. He collapsed suddenly and was struggling to breathe. After a night in hospital and the vet trying everything, he was struggling to breath our natural air. He couldn't cope. She advised us it would be the kindest thing to do,was to let him go. We were all with him and it was so peaceful. I too have been racked with guilt ever since. I think I know now in my heart it was the right decision, but it still hurts like hell. Every day is a struggle, mornings I find particularly hard. As soon as I open my eyes it hits me again,dont want to get out of bed because knowing when I go down stairs he's not there waiting for me. Yes that empty feeling in the house is so painful. It doesn't feel like a home anymore. We did everything for him,our lives revolved around him. He was the boss!! It feels so long ago he was here and this is upsetting me terribly.I want to feel him near and cant. I feel so guilty over this. All the thought and emotions you go through I think are scary. I'm just plodding and taking things slowly. I to felt I had to speak to the vets a few days later. She was so compassionate it was the first time we met her that night. She assured me when I spoke to her, that ollie didn't suffer but he would have done if we'd brought him home or left him there for more treatment. She said they gave him plenty of kisses and cuddles during the night and made him comfortable. I'd never left him so I felt guilty over that. I think I've accepted now we did the right thing,I think!!!! Every day seems to get harder and harder,but I'm trying. I know he wouldn't want us to be sad, just like your Rosco wouldn't want you to be. But how can we not be, we just want them back dont we? I feel your pain too,you are not alone. I come on here because I've found people around me just dont understand. Everyone on here does and I'm so glad I found them. So sorry and hugs to you too xxx


I also felt that morning was specially difficult. He slept in my room and I woke up to his snoring several times during the night. I woke up many times tonight, and it was so silent, as you say. I also feel scared by my emotions. I had a total meltdown yesterday, but today seems to be better. I think that finding this forum and reading your stories is quite therapeutical. I also found that the better I feel, the less guilt I have, I think more rationally. It is just in those times where I am overwhelmed with grief that the guilt is the worst. I guess I have to be thankful for when there is a bit of peace from the strong emotions to gather energy for the next rollercoaster.  I am not sure if Rosco is out there somewhere, but I do hope so, and I hope he is well. I hope that Ollie and Rosco find each other and make each other company, along with all the beautiful doggies we love and cherish. Many hugs

0
FClaire

Registered:
Posts: 171
Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeautifulDK


I also felt that morning was specially difficult. He slept in my room and I woke up to his snoring several times during the night. I woke up many times tonight, and it was so silent, as you say. I also feel scared by my emotions. I had a total meltdown yesterday, but today seems to be better. I think that finding this forum and reading your stories is quite therapeutical. I also found that the better I feel, the less guilt I have, I think more rationally. It is just in those times where I am overwhelmed with grief that the guilt is the worst. I guess I have to be thankful for when there is a bit of peace from the strong emotions to gather energy for the next rollercoaster.  I am not sure if Rosco is out there somewhere, but I do hope so, and I hope he is well. I hope that Ollie and Rosco find each other and make each other company, along with all the beautiful doggies we love and cherish. Many hugs

0
FClaire

Registered:
Posts: 171
Reply with quote  #13 
❤ xxxxx
0
Memories_of_Marmalade

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 829
Reply with quote  #14 


My Dearest Gabriela,

I watched your tribute video of your beloved Rosco and all I can say is in a word "WOW." I was really taken aback with the fantastic Jazz music score that you selected! I love the movie "All That Jazz" and the music score you chose for your delightful video tribute was on par with that films wonderful music soundtrack. 

All that I saw and felt in the tribute video was love, love, love and more love. And fun, fun, fun and more fun. And laughter, laughter, laughter and more laughter. Rosco obviously lead an incredible life to be a part of your (pack). You can see the sheer joy in ALL of your family members eyes and in Rosco's eyes. They light up in almost every single frame of the video. And there are so, so many smiles. : )  So rest assured knowing that your pup knew that he was truly blessed and so, so fortunate to have been such a part of such an incredibly fun loving & adoring family.

Well done! 

Cheers!

All my best regards,
James
0
BeautifulDK

Registered:
Posts: 46
Reply with quote  #15 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memories_of_Marmalade


My Dearest Gabriela,

I watched your tribute video of your beloved Rosco and all I can say is in a word "WOW." I was really taken aback with the fantastic Jazz music score that you selected! I love the movie "All That Jazz" and the music score you chose for your delightful video tribute was on par with that films wonderful music soundtrack. 

All that I saw and felt in the tribute video was love, love, love and more love. And fun, fun, fun and more fun. And laughter, laughter, laughter and more laughter. Rosco obviously lead an incredible life to be a part of your (pack). You can see the sheer joy in ALL of your family members eyes and in Rosco's eyes. They light up in almost every single frame of the video. So rest assured knowing that your pup was truly blessed and so, so fortunate to have been such a part of such an incredibly fun loving and adoring family. Well done! 

Cheers!

All my best regards,
James


Thank you James! Your message warms my heart. I makes me so happy to see the video, our lives were so happy with him. The only thing suitable for his memorial is a chirpy beat <3
0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.