CatMomma
I just had to lay my 6 month old kitten, Kit Kat to rest on Thursaday. I had to rush her to the vet on Wednesday because I could tell something was really wrong. She was having trouble walking, couldn't jump and seemed so weak. She ws diagnosed with F.I.P. of which there is no cure. We brought her home for the night. She was worse the next day. I knew her being at rest was the best, kindest thing to do for her. I held her in my arms while she was put to sleep, telling her I love her and that I'm so sorry.
Now I am just so lost. This little baby was my everything! I was a momma to her. She slept with me, lay down with me to watch tv and followed me everywhere in the house. I can't stop crying. I wake up at night feeling for her in the bed constantly. Every part of the house reminds me of her. When I close my eyes all I see is her last moments. I feel so broken, empty and alone. This has completely devastated me.
My son and fiance cleared all her things out of my room because I couldn't bear it. I emptied our dishwasher tonight and couldn't stop sobbing because her food bowl she just got for Christmas was in there.
I don't know how to handle this. I can't sleep, eat, concentrate or focus or stop crying. I haven't felt this intense pain of loss since my Grandfather died 18 years ago. There is a lot of stressful and difficult things going on in my life right now and Kit Kat was always there with me.
We have 4 older cats but I feel like I can't even connect with them right now. My world is shattered, my hert broken and I just don't know what to do. She was just a baby. How do I heal from this? How do I go on without her? My nights are filled with looking for her, my closed eyes and dreams replay her last moments in my arms, every picture and memory makes me cry instead of smile. I miss her so very much!
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heapik
I just lost my baby girl 4 days ago, I know your heartache, I haven't stopped crying myself. It's so hard when they are such a big part of your life and every time you see something that reminds you of them the tears start again. I wish I could tell you it gets better, this isn't the first time for me and like you with 4 others, it won't be your last. I have 16 more, and when you lose one you automatically think of the others and I think that's why you may try to keep distance from them, I did the same. I feel so bad for them, but it's one day at a time and don't let anyone make you feel bad or tell you it's time to get over it, you might not for a long time if ever. I'm building a memorial for her, have to wait for the spring and I'll make a garden around her grave, that might help. It helps to have support, talk about your baby, of course the tears will flow. It took me 3 tries to finish reading your story without balling again. I wish you luck and I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you in this very sad time in your life.
Heather pikna
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CatMomma
Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. Her ashes came home today. It felt like she was home but the loss seems so much more unbearable. I can't build a memorial where I live now. Instead her ashes are sitting on my nightstand. I am trying to deal with my grief but it is just so hard. She was so beautiful, loving and kind. I know she is at peace and not suffering. Somehow right now I still have trouble finding comfort in that.
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heapik
Day 5 for me and still crying, I completely understand what you're going through. Even after burying her the pain is still there. Every day gets a little better, try to stay busy, that works a bit for me. Although as soon as I sit and it's quiet your mind still races, bedtime is hard, I just sit and think of her as I'm sure the same is for you. I think of seeing her again. Prayers and hugs to you, I know it's a struggle and things will get better in time. I hope you have support and people that understand how you are hurting right now.
Heather pikna
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CatMomma
I am so sorry you are going through this as well. I face possibly losing my job today because I missed 2 days of work due to my baby's illness and death. I don't regret it. I decided to clean and rearrange my bedroom sunce that is where we spent most of our time. It has helped a bit. I also talk to her, that helps. One of my other cats whom we rescued about a year and a half ago slept with me last night. She cuddled like my Kit Kat would. It did bring tears but also a smile. I am allowing myself to grieve and let time do what it must. We will make it through this. A part of our hearts will always hurt, there will always be a void but someday, our memories will bring smiles. I send you my biggest hugs. Thank you for sharing, supporting, helping and understanding as we go through this together.
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Beaglemomma
Please know that you are not alone.  I won't rewrite my experience but I do understand exactly how you feel.  My Molly was 14 and had a stroke.  It was all so FAST and even though she wasn't young like your baby was I do understand exactly what you are saying and feeling.  Wish I had a magic pill to make it all go away, but unfortunately I don't.  Just know that you did the right thing and believe you will be with her again someday.
janice
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patent123
I'm sorry you lost your sweet kitten.  I lost my dog over a year ago and I know how deep that pain can go.  Time does heal though and its important to take however long you need. What I realized through my own journey is once you love an animal it doesn't matter if you spend 6 hours or 6 years with one...its never enough. Whats important is how your time together was spent.  It sounds like you two shared a fantastic relationship and she was loved.  Focus on that and remember you gave her a loving home.  Although its not for everyone I'm glad you stood by her in her final moments.  You did the hardest thing saying goodbye but being brave enough to do that shows how much you truly loved her. 
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CatMomma
Thank you all for your support and kind, encouraging words. The past few days have been rough for me and made me miss my baby more. I had dream last night that she was still alive and with me. I could hear the bell on her collar jingling and her meowing. I couldn't find her no matter where I looked for her though, like she was just out of sight. It made her absence feel so much deeper. I recieved a condolence card from the vet office today signed by all the staff. I instantly burst into tears. Trying to stay busy has helped but I also wonder if I am trying to avoid thinking about her. I cry at the most random times.
It has been a comfort talking and hearing from others who understand what I am going through. I feel alone here at home.
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Beaglemomma
I too am dreaming of my Molly.  Awful isn't it that you can't escape the grief even in sleep.  It has been 7 weeks for me now but I am still in pain.  So many memories, and how to rid my brain of that last afternoon still eluding me.  How do you hit the delete button on painful memories.  Soon as I turn out the light at night is when that last scene appears unbidden. 

I am so sorry you lost your baby before you hardly got to know her.  I hope it gets better for you soon.
janice
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vx6000
I'm sorry for the loss of your little baby. We just lost our little 5 month old kitten on Sun. night. The vet thought it was FIP too, turned out to be kidney failure. It's a terrible feeling and the pain doesn't ever feel like it will stop. Yours and mine were just babies and I think of all the stuff and trouble they had yet to get into. I do think what you wrote earlier means a lot "We will make it through this. A part of our hearts will always hurt, there will always be a void but someday, our memories will bring smiles." I know this is true. I lost my first cat 5 years ago this month too. The last 2 years of her life we IV'd her with fluids weekly as she had kidney failure too. Even to this day, when in bed, I think I feel a cat jump up I look and no one is there. I use to get very sad over that, now I try to think it's her just letting me know she's still here with me. As I grieve for this new little one, I find I'm grieving for the older one too. Then I feel guilty that maybe I didn't grieve enough for her 5 years ago, it's a horrible cycle and I hope it gets better soon.
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Sasha
So sorry for your loss, I too lost my Ollie to FIP just 2 days ago. What a horrible illness Ollie was sick that we knew of for 2 weeks and had a lot of treatment but nothing helped. I miss him so much and feel such guilt
Annette
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