Weenies_Mom
Hello,

My name is Krista and I suddenly lost my sweet, darling boy Max (aka Weenie) one week ago today. He was almost 11years old had recently developed a significant heart murmur. He was supposed to go for an echocardiogram the following week, but never made it.

The morning was typical... he went potty, he ate breakfast, them I got ready to go to a salon appointment. I put his favorite blanket on the sofa and turned the TV on for him as I always thought it kept him company while I was out. I wasn’t at the salon 15minutes, before my daughter called to say I needed to get home because Weenie was unresponsive. I was home within a few minutes and found my darling laying on the floor, cold paws, tongue out, barely breathing, with only the faintest flutter of a heartbeat. As a nurse, I knew there was nothing I could do to save him as he was in Ventricular Fibrilation at that point. So, I wrapped him in his blanket and cradled him in my arms, telling him how much he is cherished. I sang to him, stroked his head, and smothered him with endless kisses until he let out his last breath. Then my world fell apart.

I cry for him non-stop. My heart aches constantly. I’m trying to put a memorial table together for him, but the process is gutwrenching. I don’t know how to go on without him... I hate going home because everything has his impression on it... fur, stains on the furniture from treats, nose prints on the backdoor from where he’d wait for me to get home... He was my child and we loved each other to no end.

What do I do now?! I don’t like to sleep because I’m tormented with dreams of him, only to wake up and get stabbed in the heart with the reality of his absence.

Waiting for his ashes to come home is torture. I want him home, but can’t bear seeing him reduced to ashes in a box.

Someone please help me...I so lost without my baby boy, my world.
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MissingScooty
Hi Krista,

What a sweet, cute boy he is! I am so so sorry this happened and you too are now on this forum. Yes, the heart feeling ripped out is familiar.  I had once worked at a vet and knew my dog was near his end too though the vet seemed clueless and wanted to wait to see "if the liver supplement worked."  The first few days and weeks are the most painful, by far (I wish I had better news for you!).  For me, I just cried whenever I could, as loud as I could (obviously not at work). Posted on this forum, talked to people in person who had also lost dogs and understood, and tried very hard to take care of myself (get a massage, try to eat, try to sleep well). Sometimes just reading the posts of others here even helps. There were days I even hoped a truck would hit me...those days do pass. Hold on....
Hugs to you.
Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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Olgita256
What a gorgeous face!!! I said goodbye 7 months ago to my boy... Buddy was 15.5 years old. He suffered with cushings. It’s been 7 months now and my wish is to give you hope... it will get easier. I really think we just have to go through it... cry... kick, scream, bite your pillow.. I did all that!! The first 4-5 months... I didn’t think I would make it... I didn’t WANT to make it!! Lost so much weight...my clothes were falling off... I’m not kidding...I must have lost 15-20 lbs. had to seek counseling. I hateded my family as the thought I was nuts for taking it so hard. Nowadays... I rarely cry... if I do it’s different cry... a cry of acceptance. I don’t mean to go on and on about my experience I just want you to know that there is peace after the storm. But don’t hold it in... I believe tears are a cleansing... they must be released... I would run to my car when I was at work and just sit there and cry so my coworkers wouldn’t c me. This too shall pass.. it hurts much because we loved much. Prayers for you! ❤️
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Sooz
Your darling Weenie boy, wearing his Christmas finest... what a sweet face! Thank you for sharing that photo with us.

The pain in your written words is palpable.  We understand, so many of us are on that path with you-- having just lost our darlings, missing them, having everything remind us of the loss, "seeing" him with our mind's eye, but knowing he's not there, restless sleep, feeling lost...and then the second wave comes when you get his ashes returned to you.

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I wrapped him in his blanket and cradled him in my arms, telling him how much he is cherished. I sang to him, stroked his head, and smothered him with endless kisses until he let out his last breath.
(((((Krista))))) His last minutes were filled with the love you had for him, and he was held warm and safe in your arms, comforted by your touch, your embrace, and your voice and hearing your songs, and you filled up his bright, loving spirit with kisses and love to take with him across the Bridge. 
 


Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you.
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dachsiemom
Krista-  I am so sorry for you loss, and can very much relate to what you are going through.  I lost my beloved dachshund boy, Brandon, on March 31st, and it look my about three weeks to stop crying all day every day.  I still miss him terribly.  I was with him all the time; he was the delight of my heart.  I realize that any dog can be special, but there is just something about dachshunds that only another dachshund person can understand, and that makes the loss even more difficult.   My Brandon was a red smoothie, like your Max.  I was fortunate that he lived to be 15, but when the end comes it still seems too soon.  My heart aches for you in your sorrow for your beloved boy.  There is nothing anyone can say or do to make the pain go away.  Cry as much as you need to; it is the only thing that can bring any relief.  And don't think that you are going crazy if you find yourself crying constantly or unable to eat or sleep.  That will go away eventually, but not today.  I am glad that you have found this forum.  It has been very helpful to have a safe place to grieve among people who understand.  -Dachsiemom 
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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catiebee
It is just so terribly, awfully, hideously hard. I am so, so sorry for your loss of Weenie. Krista, I wish there was a balm, a real relief without walking through the grief day after day. But the only way out is through it.  My heart goes out to you. Everyone here understands the suffering, the tears, the broken heart.  Try to take good care of yourself while the pain is so raw. Hugs to you!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Weenies_Mom
Thank you also very much for your kind words and support. I went for a run today and really felt a closeness to his spirit. Then I went home to the quiet again, no “Hi Mom!” when I opened the door and that sent me right back to the sinking feeling in my chest ... I know he wants me to be happy... it always bummed him out when I was upset about something, so I’m trying hard for him... what a struggle... You are all in my thoughts as well as we try to navigate our way through the pain.
Have a blessed day,
Krista
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catiebee
Not getting a homecoming greeting is hard! And it can stay hard for a long time. What warm, open-hearted, welcoming souls we had in our dear pets!

Krista, I'm wishing you every comfort as you find your way through these early days while your heart feels so very heavy with loss. You're not alone. Folks here do truly understand how hard and painful it is. Take care of you...grief is very hard to endure and takes a lot of energy. Hugs!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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anniesdad
What a beautiful dog.  I can tell just by your story that he was a very lucky soul to have shared a wonderful life with you.  I am a Dachshund person - I have three now.  The passing of my little Daschund Daisy a few years ago was one of the hardest times of my life.  I'm now going through the loss of my Annie (lab mix) just this past Sunday.  I'm brand new here, but know that you're not alone.
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dachsiemom
After Brandon died it was so hard to come back to a house and find no dachshund boy waiting to greet me.  There are still two cats here (and my husband of course!), but now when I walk through the door on one jumps for joy.  As he became older and sicker Brandon had developed terrible separation anxiety which made it difficult for me to leave him, but sometimes I had to.  Sometimes when I approached the door I would hear him howling in distress.  As soon as he saw me he would become jubilant, and I would pick him up assuring him that "Mommy always comes back to you" as I showered him with kisses.  
Of course Max wants you to be happy, and you will be again, but now is the time to grieve.  When you cry it is your body's way of trying to restore it's equilibrium by releasing the toxins that are caused by your stress.  This will ease over time, but it will take a while.  These first days and weeks are so difficult but we will think of each other as we struggle through this pain together.   - Dachsiemom
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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