jetst406
I've never posted here or anything like it, at least not in a long time. A few weeks ago I moved out of the country and left my dogs at home hours away, one that had chronic seizures that was likely the result of a brain tumor. My family didn't have the funds to get it checked out so we medicated her but I had a large college fund I could've dug into to treat her. She wasn't even that old.

But this morning I got the call from my mother that she seized in the night and died in her crate. I know I could've done something, I could've even been there in her final moments because she only slept in her crate when I wasn't there. But now I'm hours away from anyone I'm close to grieving for my baby. 
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Tankie12
I can’t only imagine how lonely you must feel right now, I’m sorry for that. I’m so sorry for your girl and you.
You left knowing your parents were there to care for her with her meds, and a companion dog. If she was on meds you had her seen by a Vet, and she was given a prescription, you weren’t negligent. Being so far away and feeling so helpless with this news has got to make this loss all the more painful than it already is. Jet, one of the first things we do is place blame, usually on ourselves. It sounds like you really loved this girl, I’m sure she always knew so. This is a really good *soundind board* if you will, a place to come and share or just read from others. It really helps to be people going through the same loss and the grief that follows and never feel judged. Hugs,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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jetst406
Thank you so much, Lynn. Yours was one of the first threads I read here before posting my own while searching for support. It's nice to know strangers are able to reach out & provide support in one of the hardest times in someone's life.
By the way, her name was Mady.
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Tankie12
I love the name❣️ I can’t make the picture out though. How old was she when she started having seizures?
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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MAlcindor
I am so sorry for the loss of your Mady. I can only imagine your feeling of helplessness being so far away and not being present to try and save your baby. Nothing I can say to you will make you feel better, but please know that sometimes things happen that are just out of our control and as terrible as they are we cannot blame ourselves. Had you been present there is no guarantee that the outcome would have been any different. My sincerest condolences and I wish you lots of peace.
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jetst406
She started having seizures Christmas day of 2015 and they've been progressively getting worse since. Since it is uncommon for epilepsy to develop in a 6 year old dog, our vet said it was a likely possibility it was caused by a brain tumor. & here's the picture, she was a poodle-yorkie mix.IMG_7076.jpg 

Thank you Marlen for your kind words.

I just don't know what to do with myself. She was my baby, I spoiled her from the day I got her and she slept in my bed almost every night, followed me wherever I went.
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Tankie12
She’s adorable, what a sweet picture I can almost feel how soft she is. I’m so sorry. I can’t think of a harsher pain than losing them it’s crushing. They give us soo much and ask so so little and yet they become our everything and we question our purpose in the wake. All I know for sure is they have a soul as sure as we do and that continues on. It’s not dependent on a body. Mady’s soul exists, my girl Tankie’s soul exists and we will be with them one day,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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MAlcindor
She's absolutely adorable, it's so sad you had to lose her. My Bailey was a Yorkie mix, not sure but may have been mixed with Chihuahua. He used to follow me EVERYWHERE in the house!! Every time I turned around, there he was. So, so sweet. 
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jetst406
Thank you, that means a lot. I have never feared for the thought that there may be no afterlife until now. Not fear for me, necessarily, but for my girl. I hope wherever she is she is happy and I will see her again some day. I like to think her & Tankie would be getting along well.
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Tankie12
I think Tankie would be her buddy for sure🐾 How are you? I’ve been thinking of you and hoping you’re doing as well as possible, hugs,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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jetst406
That's really sweet of you. I've been alright, keeping busy to try to keep my mind off it but my subconscious isn't having it. I've had three dreams now about her, ones where she made it out of the vet alright & it was just a bad scare. Waking up and realizing that isn't what happened is really hard.
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Tankie12
Those dreams are really tough ones, 😔
We wake up every morning already with the grief rushing in. I would have wanted to stay in bed and pray for sleep, sorry,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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seccondsmom
so sorry for all of you who have lost your babies. i lost my baby to kidney failure on 3/10/20.we took her in on monday.he start flushing her kidneys. i called on tues. he said both kidneys were failing. i went to see her and she could not get up. i hugged her and she put her head on my arm. he said a 20 to 30% chance if he kept flushing. a had to give her that chance. i left her. she died that night alone with no people around, in a cold wire cage. i can't forgive myself for leaving her there. she could have passed at home in my arms. i don't like life without her', i ca't handle it. please' help.
mary taylor
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