whend201
Yesterday, I made the decision to let my 11 year old greyhound Bones go. He had had digestive issues for about 8 months and it took a while to find food that would not aggravate his tummy. For months he ate chicken and yams. He loved yams! About a month ago he suffered a vestibular incident (like vertigo for dogs) and never fully recovered. I added 8 lbs of weight on him in two weeks. I thought we were doing great. He had had diarrhea on and off for months. I tried to treat it with everything I could. We had 4 vet trips in a month. Last we he pretty much gave up eating and drinking. I spent time trying to coax him to eat anything, administering him medications, and cleaning up after he got sick. I want more time, I need more time with him. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a year and a half ago and he was my rock. We have no children and it is just my husband and I. Bones knew my heart, he knew when I was sick, when I was stressed, and he calmed me. He seemed to understand my illness better than my husband. I know it was best for him, but I just feel this giant hole in my heart. I can't eat, can't really sleep, find it hard to breathe. My life has been a stressful mess lately with my disease progressing and trouble at work (and applying for new jobs) all happening at once. I look back and feel guilty for not taking Bones on more walks while I was such...they were his favorite and I feel I let him down. I am not sure what to do or how to heal from here. Any guidance would be appreciated...

Wendy
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Bailey15
Hi Wendy,
I am so very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and Bones had such a close, special bond - it's no wonder you are finding it hard to eat and sleep. I'm also sorry to hear about your diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. That is so difficult and I'm sure that because of that you and Bones were even more bonded.
Please don't blame yourself for not walking Bones more. You had so much to deal with and Bones was right where he wanted to be; by your side, offering you comfort. That's what is so wonderful about our pets. They are happy when we are happy and they don't have expectations. I think that is one of the many reasons why we love them so very much. Guilt, I've learned is a part of grieving. We tend to look for anything we could have or should have done, but at the end of the day you had a dog who was loved and happy.
After we lost Bailey I started to write in a journal. I wrote down all of the things I never want to forget about him; quirky little sounds he made, nicknames we'd given him over the years. I wrote to him and dated each entry so now, when I look back, I see a journal of healing but I also sometimes read little things that have slipped my mind and it makes me so happy to remember. This might be helpful for you to try Wendy.
I'm also glad that you posted here. Everyone knows and understands the terrible sense of loss you are feeeling. Please post again with an update on how you are doing. I know it's so very painful right now.
Thinking of you and sending hugs for healing,
MJ
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Purzel
Wendy,

My heart goes out to you, this is so so sad. I am deeply sorry you lost your rock in life, your sweet Bones. I understand how painful this is for you right now as everything is just so raw. I am sorry to read of your difficult times with the MS diagnosis and looking for a new job does not sound easy as well.  Please, dont feel guilty of anything because in your post I can already see how much Bones was taken care of. You did everything possible to comfort him. I am very sure Bones felt your unconditional and deep love towards him. You've never let him down. I think MJ came up with a good idea to write a journal - is eases the pain a bit. Please keep on posting here, this is a very safe place to be, with lovely people who understand.

My good thoughts are with you, Wendy, take good care of yourself.
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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MikeysMom
Wendy - My heart aches for you. You were so lucky to have Bones when you needed him most. And you were right there for him. The pain of losing our babies is so overwhelming. My boy, Mikey, had to be put down from a spinal disease out of the blue. It's been four weeks and it is sinking in that he's really not here. Your health problems, and personal life must add to your grief so much. Come to the forum as often as you need. There is comfort here. I hope Mikey has run into Bones on that bridge. He's short and would be in awe of your boy. My prayers are with you. Time. I'm counting on time to heal us both😉 Take care - Georgia

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whend201
My heart hurts so badly. Thank you for your responses and the suggestions on the journal. Yesterday ended up being my other greyhounds birthday (his name is Brisket). I threw him a party and a neighbor dog and a cousin came by. I always make them wear party hats and it made me smile. I am glad this is a safe place to grieve, some of my friends just don't understand the pain of it. Bones literally knew when I was sick. I would bury my face into his neck and cry on to him. I found that I can look at some older photos of Bones, but not any from just the other day. I lay here crying and debating on whether I should go to work today or not. Is it normal to take time off? I just wish my baby was here to support me.
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Buddy2018
Whend201, sorry for your loss.  Right now all we are going through must be normal as the sadness takes a hold of us and thankfully reading these posts, we are not alone.  Although folks say you need to get out and do your normal day, it is very hard.  My normal day started with my Buddy and our morning walk.  I have not been out of the house since his sweet breath subsided and miss him terribly.  Please take care of yourself as your health also depends on thinking happy thoughts in between our sadness.

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