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ScoutsDad
BradsMum wrote:
Scout's Dad,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Scout.  Please be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else who is grieving.  I know this is easier said than done but try to think about it when you are passing judgement on yourself.  Others on here have said this to me when I have been in the grip of guilt over my missing boy Bradley.  He ran off a few days after I left him at my daughter's farm and I can say this has been one of the worst times of my life (and I'm not young...have lived quite awhile). He disappeared without a trace on Sept. 3rd. and I still cry and worry and can't find any closure.   The grieving is one thing but the guilt gets in the way of finding any peace at all.  The wonderful people on this site understand and have suffered so much themselves, or they wouldn't be here.  Please find comfort in knowing that we understand.

Take care of yourself,

Faye
Thank you, BradsMum, and all my best for Bradley.  Please keep the light on for him.
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ScoutsDad
Lavendar wrote:
healing vibes
I bred a litter of kittens in 1998. I kept two of them and because I brought them into this world, I felt ultra responsible for their care, especially end of life.  Although I feel I gave them the best lives a kittie could have, I still struggle with how I cared for them at the end.

Fuzzy developed odd symptoms at 12.  She would be lounging around and out of nowhere, would growl and quickly lift her leg and start to lick/chew/bite her tummy/butt. It would occur daily to every few days for up to a half hour. I threw money like crazy at it, but the regular vet was not helpful and took 2 years before being referred to a specialist.  I passed on the $1500 test and the specialist said we could just put her on the medicine ($10/pill every 3 days) for intestinal cancer and she how she does.  I believe it kept her boderline miserable.  She still had the episodes and the Vet was not supporting euthanasia.  After another year, she had diabetes and I let her go at almost 16.  I feel she suffered longer than she should have, even if most of the time she seemed fine.  I know money is a big reason we don't go to the vets, but if I hadn't had the money to throw at her problem, I may have ended her suffering sooner.

After she passed I should have gone to a different vet for her her brother, Buddha, but didn't.   I should have learned about his thyroid issues, but didn't.  Learned about kidney disease, but I didn't.   I know he missed his sister terribly. I spent every waking moment I could with him, but it was only 30% of his life and he was alone the other part.  After a while he was losing weight and wouldn't eat wet food/ or much people food.  I tried some meds, but he became afraid of me and sometimes it didn't go well.  He then developed the same symptoms his sister had and I wasn't going to put him through that and said goodbye 2 months ago at 17 1/2.  So for one I have too late guilt and the other too soon guilt.  Granted the grieving process may not be as long if we feel we tried everything, but no one ever feels they did enough.

be kind to yourself, don't try to do too much
It is so hard because veterinary medicine, like human medicine, is an inexact science, and our pets can't speak to us.  If they could, we could at least be able to work with them.  But we have to go it alone, and in the face of inexact or incomplete information, we do the best we can.  Everyone keeps telling me that ultimately it is our love and willingness to get them help as soon as we know that they are in trouble that is the most important thing.  Isn't that the best any parent can do?  I know I'm struggling to accept this, but the thinking part of me understands, even as the emotional part has trouble.  But it gets better.  I hope it gets better soon for you, too, Lavendar.
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ScoutsDad
Tommyhunter123 wrote:
Hi Scouts Dad,
  I went through the same thing with my Luckydog beagle. We knew he had a mass on his spleen when he was 12 years old it was not that big but inoperable and benign. They said at the time maybe he will live 3 months with that before it would grow and burst. Little be know my best friend lived 2 more years and even though the spleen never ruptured, it had grown to take up most of the entire abdomen. He did not appear to be in any discomfort, only when you picked up up by this belly, but he never really showed it he went to the er vet which is mostly boston vets and they found he was in kidney and liver failure and my Luckydog knew it was his time I could tell by the way he was acting, especially when he turned down chicken rice and hamburg that i made special for him. Well even before his exam by the boston educated tufts vet, I was contemplating putting him to his final sleep cuz i watched him go from a 14 year old walking everyday beagle to 114 year old sick man in 1.5 days. Losing our pets is the hardest thing one can do, some people just shrugg it off while others like you and I find ourselves morning on a daily basis. I hope that you feel better knowing that scout is looking down on you and luckydog is looking down on me and remember we have that golden chord connecting us from rainbowbridge to earth,
your friend
david r gaspari
luckydogs daddy
Thank you, David, and I wish we all weren't in the same club for why we're here.  But our pets are family, and we fought as hard and as nobly as we could for family.  That's what unites us.  What I'm coming to realize is just how good Scout's life was in so many ways.  It might have been more brief in quantity than I wanted, but it was pretty good for quality.  And in the grand scheme of things, perhaps that is the true testament to a good life, for human or for animal, and most certainly if out of love. 
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Yorkielover
Hi scouts dad,

Scout had a wonederful life filled with the love you gave her
B brougham
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ScoutsDad
Yorkielover wrote:
Hi scouts dad, Scout had a wonederful life filled with the love you gave her
Thanks so much, Yorkielover, and know that I understand your love, too, as our family pet while I was growing up was a Yorkie mix.
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Derynie
One common thing you'll find on these boards is people who feel guilty over their pet's death. I too feel guilty for the death of my cat. She had a seizure, but I caught the tail end of it and convinced myself that it wasn't what I thought it was. She became so fearful whenever I had to take her to the vet that she would pee herself. It had been about 2 years since her last vet visit, because of this. So I thought that if she behaved strangely or had another episode, I would take her in to the vet. But she was fine. She was fine for 3 weeks and I thought maybe it was a fluke. I woke up one night and found her dead. I should have taken her to the vet. I carry that guilt with me.

The thing is, you do the best that you can for your pets. There's no sense in thinking about the what-ifs. If you nitpick every small detail, you'll always find something you could have done differently. Maybe that detail that you thought about after the fact could have changed things, but most likely not. You loved Scout and she knew it. You did the best you could for her and she knew it. 16 or 17 is a respectable age for a cat. You brought so much joy to her life. Try to think of that and not dwell on the what-ifs. Her life was made better for the love you gave her.
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ScoutsDad

Derynie wrote:
One common thing you'll find on these boards is people who feel guilty over their pet's death. I too feel guilty for the death of my cat. She had a seizure, but I caught the tail end of it and convinced myself that it wasn't what I thought it was. She became so fearful whenever I had to take her to the vet that she would pee herself. It had been about 2 years since her last vet visit, because of this. So I thought that if she behaved strangely or had another episode, I would take her in to the vet. But she was fine. She was fine for 3 weeks and I thought maybe it was a fluke. I woke up one night and found her dead. I should have taken her to the vet. I carry that guilt with me. The thing is, you do the best that you can for your pets. There's no sense in thinking about the what-ifs. If you nitpick every small detail, you'll always find something you could have done differently. Maybe that detail that you thought about after the fact could have changed things, but most likely not. You loved Scout and she knew it. You did the best you could for her and she knew it. 16 or 17 is a respectable age for a cat. You brought so much joy to her life. Try to think of that and not dwell on the what-ifs. Her life was made better for the love you gave her.
Thank you, Derynie.  I hate to make it so much about me -- I'm still stuck in that phase -- but your words are helping me tremendously, like those of others.  You're right that the guilt is tough to get over.  I wonder these days if she went into heart failure because she was so frightened to be at the animal hospital -- even slight sounds at home would make her jump.  But there was no other way to get her the help she needed.  I don't know that she made it to 16 or 17, as she might have only been 13 or 14, as no one knows, but she did have a good life for the time she was with me and my best friend.  

I just wish I could have given her more.  But I am working through it with the help of so many wonderful people like yourself.

Scout, too, was upset when she would be taken out of the house, and in speaking with my best friend the other day, we came to the conclusion that maybe she lived as long as she did simply because he life was almost entirely stress free. In the same way, your pet may have been given more time simply because she was allowed some peace of mind.  

In Scout's case, the vet reminded me that even if we'd caught the kidney failure six months or a year before, she might have just succumbed to the treatment sooner.  This way, she had more time, and she didn't go through stress for almost all of it.  In many ways, that might be better. 

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ScoutsDad
It's going on three weeks tomorrow that Scout passed away.  I'm moving past the guilt and anger stages, though I still have my moments.  Everyone has to work through their process their own way, but maybe others will understand there is a process from my own example. 
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