My baby went missing in February and while I do not have confirmation he is dead, at this point I can't help but believe he is. I have a tremendous amount of guilt because I allowed him to go outside. We have had a few who have been indoor outdoor because of how they came to us, but my Oliver just demanded it and instead of holding my ground and forcing him to stay in. Now he's gone and I cannot cope with it. it's the not knowing and the scenarios that play over and over in my mind . Has anyone else had this experience ? I'm grieving I have so much guilt and sadness .
He would be 5 in May.
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I am sorry that you are going through this.
Is Oliver a cat? If so, this does happen with them, and it is torture. But I don't know....where I live there is no such thing as an exclusively "indoor" cat. We still have predators which can be dangerous for cats, but I know of no healthy cat who stays indoors all of the time.
I once had a cat many years ago who went out and she never came home. I had no closure, had no idea what had happened to her. I couldn't sleep for worry, never got any clue. It was horrible.

On the other side of the coin, my Aunt has taken in many a cat who appeared to be well-fed, well looked after, but just turned up one day, got distracted with all the special dishes on offer, and settled in. I have always been unsure about her doing this -said to her that someone out there might be sick with worry about where their cat went! But it doesn't seem to sink in. They are all "poor strays who need food, need a nice bed etc".....then they settle, accept their new situation, and start living with her. (not many microchip their cats, at least they didn't do when this was happening to my aunt)
Meanwhile -someone -out there is thinking their cat probably died, and is most likely fretting about all the worst-case scenarios. While in my Aunt's house, they are being served with at least 4 different dishes of fresh meat, salmon, tuna, cat biscuits, etc

Moving home....any upsets in the home...even rival cats in the neighbourhood....can all disorient cats sometimes. So these things can sometimes happen. I don't mean to give you false hopes, but I have often been quite worried about the previous owners of these so-called "strays" my Aunt gives hospitality to.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Thank you for you words. I can only hope for his sake he is sitting in a warm home. I have knocked on doors put up flyers did pet alert calls. I'm on petfinder and Craigslist looking. I him lost on Craig's list. I have mass emailed surrounding neighborhoods.
My neighborhood is wooded and a lake community. His normal path they all know him. it's very strange though the night before another cat showed up. I have found he lives near by. I have even contacted a psychic. She of course gave the older woman is feeding him story.
He is a beautiful Siamese with big polydactyl feet, so he's easy to spot.
The not knowing the lack if closure is just wearing me down. My family seems to be able to put it in their head he's " somewhere"
I cannot it's not good enough he was my baby we were bonded. I'm ashamed of myself for being do irresponsible.
Unfortunely the stress of a troubled teenager has occupied most of my brain and time for the last 2 years. That very day we had an incident and I didn't call him in as early as I normally do, nor did he show up like he normally does to snack and take a nap during the day. He's always in at night.
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Oh no I am sorry you have lost your baby.  Lets hope and pray for a happy ending and that you shall be reunited with your baby SOON

Love Julie x
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I can't take this pain of not knowing. With the reality that he is gone comes the anguish that he may have suffered or I couldn't help him.
I have lost pets before to age and it is heart wrenching, with it though does come eventually the acceptance of the life process.
I can't get there I don't understand I don't know
it was too soon to lose him he was only 41/2. I don't even have a piece of his hair a last goodbye. I loved him so much.Everyone thinks I'm crazy, move on or he's probably in someone's house, I can feel it in my gut. it makes me sick to know it could have been prevented if I had just kept him in. it's my fault, and I'm having a really hard time with that.
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Hi I'm so sorry, It must be aweful not knowing where he is and if he's ok.  If you can try and be kind to yourself like you would be to your friends. You did nothing with the intention of hurting him. In fact because you loved him you gave him the freedom and outdoors like he wanted.  Life is hard it's all about the choices we make and sometimes even with the best of intentions they cause us some pain. I hope that you can start to heal and I pray that one day you both can be reunited. Take care Lori
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