ZoeBoro
This is unbelievably hard.  I, we were not ready to say goodbye.  I took her and her brother for their morning walk on Tuesday morning as usual.  Tuesday evening Zoe was vomiting up her food which we were used to if she ate too fast.  We were even using methods to slow her eating down.  Zoe was obtained at a shelter more than 10 years ago and we knew she had a heart murmur and monitored it the best we could.   Wednesday morning (Dec 4) she didn't come out like she normally does although she did come in by me like she always would.  I noticed she couldn't find a comfortable position to lay down.  A little later on I found her by the doggie door laying down.   I laid down next to her and stroked her head asking if everything was alright.  I figured she was just tired and feeling weak from vomiting last night.   About a 1/2 hour later I started to look for her and couldn't find her in any of her usual solitary spots.   Not being able to find her in the house anywhere I went outside and eventually found her laying next to the rockery in the backyard and I could tell immediately that something was wrong not seeing any type of movement acknowledging me.

She was still warm and I immediately was angry that I was not there and remember saying no,no,no,no,no.  I always thought I would be right next to her when she passed.  I told my wife I found her and she got her blanket for me to pick her up.  I picked her up and held her while we both sat on the back patio and all our emotions and feelings for her came out.  We kept checking to make sure she was really gone.   I held her for awhile and eventually put her down in her own little bed which gave our other dog (Brownie) the opportunity to approach her and sniff to see that it was her.

The call I made to our Vet was unbelievably hard as well and took me a long time before I was able to do it.

I do not have the words to describe how I felt when I took her to our Vet for the last time and handed her over to them.

I'd give anything to lay down next to her and stroke her head like I usually did.  We do not believe she was in pain.

It has been 2 days and it feels like I just lost her over again.  Life is totally unfair when it comes to the lifespan of our pets.  They provide us so much comfort and companionship during their life that they should outlive us and move on to another owner that needs them.    Yesterday I took Brownie for our usual morning walk, which was anything but usual.  I, we can see that Brownie is also showing grief in his own way.

I have never loved a dog more than I loved Zoe and I will miss her everyday and hope I get through this grief to eventually find another pet to love and take care of. ZoeBoro.jpg 

Chuck
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BorderCollieLover
Chuck:

  My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your Zoe. Yes, you are correct when you say that life is totally unfair with the life-span of our beloved pets. I lost my dog (3) months ago and I still grieve each day. It's still so fresh and raw. I have found that talking to other people who are in the same situation is helpful. I had to reach out to others and was pleasantly surprised that they were so understanding. It can be family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, fellow church members or even acquaintances in the local dog park. I also found that keeping a daily journal on how I was feeling was beneficial. You may not be ready to proceed with any of these ideas but, when you are, it may be a big help. In addition, you can always post here in this Forum. Everyone here understands. We're all experiencing the exact same thing. Once  again, my sympathies on your loss. Zoe was so fortunate to have had you as her human person.

Sending peaceful thoughts your way,

Jim
Jim Miller
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ZoeBoro
Thank you Jim for your kind words.  I would like to express my sympathies for your recent loss.  I have a question if you feel up to answering it.   Have you been able to move on and obtain another pet?  Take care!
Chuck
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BorderCollieLover
Chuck:

  I had Shelby (Border Collie) from May of 2002 until Sept. 2019. She lived to be (18). I am not ready to let another pet into my heart at this time. It's different for everyone. I still need to grieve for my little girl - however long that takes. I hope that you and your family find some peace by coming to this Forum. Lots of caring, compassionate people here. We all understand.

Jim
Jim Miller
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