Mapper
We had to put her to sleep yesterday and I still can't stop crying. She was such a good kitty!

We got her and her 4 sisters from my mother in law's farm back in November when they were about 2 months old. Luna was always what we called the "dopey" one of the bunch. She was never the most active although she loved playing and running around with her sisters and she LOVED being near us.  About 1 1/2 months after we got her she started having episodes of wobbling and falling over when walking on occasion and one time in early January she lost all control of her back legs for about 30 seconds. She had about 5 of these episodes in just over a week's time, at least that we saw. We took her to the vet and they couldn't find anything neurologically wrong with her, blood was normal, the only things they found were bacteria and worms in the fecal. We got her some medicine and gave it to her for a week. We then took her for her spay. When we took her in she was so fat for a kitten. Even the previous vet had asked if she had just eaten because her stomach felt full. Well she came out of the surgery a much thinner cat. It's like there was gas or something that got released during the surgery. We also found out she was a hermaphrodite!

After her spay in mid-January she never had another episode with walking or falling over for months. She always ate like crazy and was always interested in food. Even when the others finished eating she would stick around and clean out the bowls. She would immediately come and sit at our feet in the kitchen when we were fixing meals in hopes that she'd get a scrap. Yet, she would not gain weight. We could always feel her backbone and hip bones. We took her to see the vet again and they found she had worms and a bladder infection so we treated those in early June. She still didn't gain weight. We took her in again in mid June and another vet said she seemed normal and that we just had to take her as she was. The next day she once again stared wobbling and falling over...something she hadn't done since January, but yet seemed fine once she would have an episode.

4th of July weekend she stopped eating and barely drank water.  We took her to the vet that Monday and they ran more blood tests. We didn't get the results until Wenesday and even then were told that the vet didn't understand some of the results and that he needed to speak with a specialist but the specialist was in a conference and would call us as soon as he talked to him. In the meantime he told us it could be mycoplasma or the dreaded FIP and that we should have an FIP titer test done. We did not get the results of the titer test until this past Saturday and it was confirmed that she had FIP, of which there is no cure.

We were syringe feeding her Supplical and Pedialyte which did nothing but just keep her lingering. She had no energy to do anything other than lay in one spot all day until we picked her up and took her somewhere else. Occasionally she would get up and move herself closer to one of the other kittens and snuggle with them. Sunday night she made her way from the couch out into the kitchen when I was out there making something to eat. She hadn't done that since she got sick. That was always her place....sitting on the mat in the kitchen just waiting for some scraps of food while we were cooking. She looked up at me and gave me a couple of mouthed silent meow's (I don't think she had the strength to make any noise). It was almost like she was saying "It's okay. I'm ready to go".  The next day my husband took her to be euthanized, something I just couldn't do. We buried her in the backyard with some wildflowers and lavender and will plant a raspberry bush next to her.

I am so sad because she didn't get to live her life. She had to spend her last few days watching her siblings run around and have fun while she suffered. This is only the second animal I've lost, with my last one being our cat Smokey about 1 1/2 years ago. He was about 12 years old and died on his own at home. I never grew up with animals and wasn't really around them until I met my husband. Now I can't imagine being without one.

Yet this grief I have for little Luna is so overwhelming. Much more so than it was with Smokey. I think it's because she was so young and I have so much guilt for not being able to help her.



Mom to 6 lovable cats: Bubu, Momo, Skittles, Callie, Scooter, and Ichiban

Playing over the Rainbow Bridge: Smokey and Luna
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GoldenLove
I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Luna. It's always difficult to lose a beloved member of the family and even though it obviously does happen, you are less likely to think you will lose one that is so very young. You certainly did everything possible to find out what was wrong with little Luna and unfortunately it turned out to be something for which there was no cure. Most of us go through the guilt phase regardless of the circumstances. We just naturally want to make everything better and that's not always possible. You cared for her and loved her and that is what is important. I'm sure she knew she was loved.

My heartfelt thoughts are with you at this most difficult time.

Terri
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lacoka
I have never felt more helpless than watching my kitties, from one week to 14 years, get sick and die.  But the love you gave luna, the warmth, comfort and care were what she needed this time around. And you gave her that.  And in turn she gave you all of her love.  I dont know how to comfort you except to say I truly believe that you will be reunited some day and she will be able to thank you herself and tell you that she loves you.

I am grieving for my cat as well but I know that only a great love could leave such a great sadness and I am lucky to have been a part of that love.
cuddling and missing you
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jaschutz
I am so sorry for the loss of your kitten, Luna. I cannot even imagine the grief you must be feeling. It doesn't feel fair (to us or to our fur babies) to have them taken from us, especially at such a young age. I lost my golden retriever and my best friend after 8 years and I felt like I was robbed of precious time. I can understand that you are feeling those same feelings, if not worse, after losing such a young kitten. I found the courage to get another pet about a month ago, a kitten and her name is Luna as well. Especially as kittens, we feel like they depend on us so much and it can be heartbreaking when we can't do anything to help. When I lost my golden, we (and the vets) did everything we possibly could for her and we still lost her. I am familiar with that feeling of frustration and despair. I hope that you know that what you are going through is completely normal. Take as much time as you need to grieve. No one person grieves alike. Some of our journeys are longer than others.  You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight! My heart goes out to you, as what you are feeling now are a lot of the same feelings that I was having 6 months ago.
Jamie

You can visit London's memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/LONDO001/Resident.htm
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CB
So sorry for the loss of your Luna.
You did everything you could for her during her too short a life. In the end you did the only thing that was far to her even though it has led to heartbreak for you. Take comfort from what you did for her.
Love you forever and ever and I will be there for you xx
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Mapper
Thank you for your thoughts. I am grateful that we have other cats to keep us company, but none of them are the lap cat that Luna was and we miss that. I have been going to the spot in our yard where she is buried and saying hi to her everyday. I remember back in February when they finally all figured out how to use the pet door to go outside we started worrying about whether they'd get lost. A few weeks later, Luna didn't show up for dinner and didn't show up for hours. We walked the neighborhood, looked in any hiding spots we could find and she was nowhere to be found. With nothing more we could do but hope she showed up, we went to bed at about 10PM. No more than 5 minutes later we hear the pet door flap open and we hear her crazy meow. She came trotting in the bedroom and up on the bed with us and we were so happy to see her. She was telling us all about her adventures. I hope she is having those same adventures now :)

What makes me so angry is that my mom is so indifferent to it. She is not really an animal person. She thinks they are cute but would never want one. She knew we were putting her to sleep and when I talked to her yesterday she goes "So is the cat gone?" Not Luna, but "the cat"! I said that yes and we buried her in the backyard with lavender and wildflowers. She actually LAUGHED like it was just the most ridiculous thing! Then she goes "Oh you've got plenty of others to keep you occupied." She did the same thing when I told her that my sister had to put her dog to sleep the month prior. My sister rarely talks to her on the phone so I relay all the info about her to my mom. My mom said "So is the dog gone? What was her name, Trixie?" I said "The dog's name is Dixie and yes she was euthanized." Then chuckles and says "Well I suppose they are already looking to get another one, huh?" She is so unfeeling about it when we are both in tears when we think about them. How would she like it if we laughed when we heard that she died??
Mom to 6 lovable cats: Bubu, Momo, Skittles, Callie, Scooter, and Ichiban

Playing over the Rainbow Bridge: Smokey and Luna
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CB
Oh Gosh that is so hard for you. Anyone being indifferent would be bad enough but it must be heartbreaking that your Mum treats it so lightly. At least you know in your hearts what she meant. Luna was special and a family member. Your feelings are real and valid. Burying her among lavender and wildflowers is a beautiful place for her to be and all pet lovers will agree.
Carry on talking to Luna. It is good for you and good for her too. I'm sure they hear.
Love you forever and ever and I will be there for you xx
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cakes488
I'm sorry to hear that your mother has a cold heart for the pain you and your sister are going through...that really adds insult to injury.  I don't think I would be able to confide in her regarding anything to do with the pets...she doesn't seem like a "safe" person to do so. 

I'm so glad Luna had you!!!
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SamSamsmama
I too am sorry that your Mother doesn't understand- but it seems to me- to be her loss. To never know or understand the love you can have with your pets? But she should respect your heart and pain. We all do here I think . I lost my baby just a few days ago and I am so glad I found this place .  Hugs to you from me { and Brat ,Smooch, Baghera {bug},Bubba, Chelsea, Charlie , Oliver, and Echo.
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