jdubtx

Jackson was our home's heart, and my best friend. It's almost a week now and nothing is normal.  I have known loss in my life, but this has been more painful than anything I ever experienced. I am broken, and have been unable to eat and I just have crying fits over the loss and absence these past 6 days.

Jackson had oral melanoma, diagnosed back in late Aug '17, after a long run of good health. I'm shattered - dead quiet house, I just sit in a daze.  Sometimes we sit smelling his blankets and toys. He really was the soul of our home, and a cherished member of our family. Lost 8 pounds since his vet home hospice support ramped last week. I just shaved for first time in over 12 days.  Never had sadness and anguish this deep in my entire life.

He had so many qualilty-of-life "good" days right up until the week before he passed. He had a stroke Tuesday May 8th, which left him less able to walk - but he actually rallied and seemed to be doing better. Then he had a seizure Saturday May 12, and we let him go. His oncologist, despite a vaccine we gave him to slow the cancer, believes the cancer may have made it to his brain.  We were going to actually do a ct scan, to learn more, if he got better after the stroke. It seemed possible he might bounce again, but in the end Jackson let us know it was time.

Jackson's end-of-life was as painless as we could make it. Was able to say good-bye in our home, in his favorite spot.. I know he lasted so long thru the illness because he wanted to stay...he fought with so much dignity for just a little dog, but we couldn't bear the thought of  him suffering after the seizure. Our hospice vet was there in 30 minutes and we took our time and said goodbye.

We had such a strong bond with him, he was our every day. We drove when we could have flown places, just to have him with us on trips. As he got older we just stayed home all the time with him. His passing leaves such a huge hole in me. I know it gets better, everybody is telling us. But right now I can't imagine how, and I can't imagine the day-in and day-out without him. The loss brought more anguish more than any other loss I ever had. Jackson was my best friend for almost 15 years.

Love you Jackson. -Mommy & Daddy

Memory video for Jackson, "I'll see you in my Dreams" - 



Our letter to Jackson
https://blog.julianwest.me/a-letter-to-our-doggo-4fedf968770fIMG_0397.jpeg


Mourning the memory of our Jackson, 2003 - 2018.  
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mysweetoscarboy
Wow what beautiful words! The video was so sweet... What a lucky boy Jackson was!
I lost my Oscar on May 8th, I just joined this group today because I need to be part of something. I look forward to the day I can write about my Poohzer boys life like you did for Jackson.
Thank you for sharing and I hope it helps knowing that you ( Jackson) brought a much needed smile to my face.
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jdubtx
It does help hearing Jackson brought a smile, thank you so much - and our deepest condolences on your loss of Oscar.  I know what you are going through.  They really are our family, aren't they?

I somehow managed to start the letter before he passed, just as remembering him when he was a puppy.  I first got the idea when I heard my wife having these talks with him, she would reminince and tell him to come find her when we get to Heaven (Hide & Seek was his favorite game).   Then I put my letter aside for a bit, got too emotional, and I saw that another friend's dog had passed - and he wrote a letter as well.   I finished it after Jackson passed, but he did get to hear the first draft and my memories of him from when he was a puppy.

We came here to share and just connect with others who having the same pain.  It feels sometimes like the rest of the daily world doesn't understand.

Thanks again and God bless, and best wishes for you on your journey.

Mourning the memory of our Jackson, 2003 - 2018.  
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nosunshine36
Jackson is so gorgeous! You gave him the best that life has to offer by including him on your trips and giving him so much love. He had a happy life. You can be very proud.
My heartfelt sympathy on your loss!
Blessings,
Sharon
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camunki
your Jackson is beautiful!! and what a wonderful memory with the video you have of him, a stunning tribute of your boy.

You gave him such a great life with love and family trips and even not going on trips as he was older, just to be with him and love him.

This path called grieving is a hard one, our pets are family and we truly love our "babies" and our heart takes a huge hit, when they cross over to their next journey at the Rainbow Bridge.

My heart goes out to you and thanks for sharing the beautiful video of your Jackson, he is a beautiful boy, your angel forever, until you meet again!

Cam


 
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msweet13
Wow-Jackson was a very handsome boy and just seeing his face made me smile and I have very little to smile about these days. I want to reach out and just hug him. Also what a beautiful tribute video to your beloved boy. I am so very very sorry for your loss. Although it seems like the word "loss" is not enough to capture what we really feel and go through when our fur-babies leave us. It is an epic disruption in all that is vital in our lives and something very precious and rare no longer exists. I cried hearing your story and then I smiled at his beautiful face and seeing him at his best. I wish you peace and comfort and warm hugs. 
Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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jdubtx
Thank you all again, so very much, for your kind words and support.  It really helps to hear from people who have been there and understand.  We've been going through so much the past two weeks.  We miss Jackson so very much, it still hurts.  We got his ashes back home and it kind of brought everything back fresh again, which we knew it would.  

There are moments here and there where it starts to get a little easier, you feel a light moment...but then something reminds you - or you miss having mealtime and evening walk. Or bedtime, or the mornings where he enjoyed the sunshine in the back yard.   The house still feels weird, I know it will start to get better.  This past weekend we took a a road trip to kind of get out and see family, change of scenery.  But then we were immediately reminded of our pup when we pulled out of the driveway because he went on so many road trips with us.  It's still very hard after 15 years, to not have him here with us.

We started changing up our routine a little, riding our bicycles or just walking our neighborhood since it has been a couple years since eackson could walk that far.  It has a helped a little - but I know this is all a process.     We will love and cherish the memory of our pup forever.

Thanks again,

Julian and Kimberly

Mourning the memory of our Jackson, 2003 - 2018.  
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Ginger4256
Julian and Kimberly
I am so sorry for your loss.  It's very hard to lose our constant companion after so long of a good life.  My Boo died suddenly 3 weeks and 4 days ago and I didn't have a long time to say goodbye.  I only had an hour when I got home from work and it was a panicking hour trying to decided what to do/how to spend time with my boy to tell him goodbye.  There are so many things that I wish I had done but now it's too late.  I am sorry for your loss and you have my deepest condolences.   
Boo' s mommy
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Soulmate
Beautiful Jackson, so reminds me of my gorgeous boy Bailey who I lost 23rd April 2018 after 14 years....so very sorry
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Mackysmum
Wow what a beautiful tribute video for your boy , he had such a huge personality and I can see how much yous and he loved each other , he is very beautiful and im so very sorry you lost your best friend your baby .
I hope being here will help in these painful days , it sounded like yous did everything yous could to help Jackson and he loved yous in return so much..
Video was fantastic,, tears
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