Jackson was our home's heart, and my best friend. It's almost a week now and nothing is normal. I have known loss in my life, but this has been more painful than anything I ever experienced. I am broken, and have been unable to eat and I just have crying fits over the loss and absence these past 6 days.
Jackson had oral melanoma, diagnosed back in late Aug '17, after a long run of good health. I'm shattered - dead quiet house, I just sit in a daze. Sometimes we sit smelling his blankets and toys. He really was the soul of our home, and a cherished member of our family. Lost 8 pounds since his vet home hospice support ramped last week. I just shaved for first time in over 12 days. Never had sadness and anguish this deep in my entire life.
He had so many qualilty-of-life "good" days right up until the week before he passed. He had a stroke Tuesday May 8th, which left him less able to walk - but he actually rallied and seemed to be doing better. Then he had a seizure Saturday May 12, and we let him go. His oncologist, despite a vaccine we gave him to slow the cancer, believes the cancer may have made it to his brain. We were going to actually do a ct scan, to learn more, if he got better after the stroke. It seemed possible he might bounce again, but in the end Jackson let us know it was time.
Jackson's end-of-life was as painless as we could make it. Was able to say good-bye in our home, in his favorite spot.. I know he lasted so long thru the illness because he wanted to stay...he fought with so much dignity for just a little dog, but we couldn't bear the thought of him suffering after the seizure. Our hospice vet was there in 30 minutes and we took our time and said goodbye.
We had such a strong bond with him, he was our every day. We drove when we could have flown places, just to have him with us on trips. As he got older we just stayed home all the time with him. His passing leaves such a huge hole in me. I know it gets better, everybody is telling us. But right now I can't imagine how, and I can't imagine the day-in and day-out without him. The loss brought more anguish more than any other loss I ever had. Jackson was my best friend for almost 15 years.
Love you Jackson. -Mommy & Daddy
Memory video for Jackson, "I'll see you in my Dreams" -
Our letter to Jackson
Mourning the memory of our Jackson, 2003 - 2018.