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Djiny

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Reply with quote  #1 
It was only 2 days ago where i had to bring him to the veterinary where they told me he was seriously injured ( some sort of unhealable cancer where his organs where rotting ) and just the day after did they perform a surgery to see he was in terrible pain and impossible recovery. Thats when i did the only thing i could do, is euthanize him to stop his suffering. They told me it would be better if he didnt wake up. My whole World was crushed in a single sentence.

I had Many pets in my familly but never got so close to one as much as this little fella ( Pacha was his name ).
I mean i gave my sister a cat i rescued with my best friend and got in love with her over time and the reason i took Pacha was that when my sister moved i was devastated ( she Also had a dog she took from a shelter and which we all took care of in my familly ) but still they were her animals.

I had a troubled childhood and it did not go well for me after 16 years old. Had trouble in school, coulent sleep, couldnt pull my self to do Anything relevant and after 10 years i have achieved nothing except trying no to die ( had a lof of depressions during those years ). 25 years old and still living at parents house.

Everything changed for the better when my sister decided to take me to a shelter nearby just to take a peak. Thats when i saw a little black kitten ( who happened to be the only kitten at that time ) so i went to him and he immediatly started to purr. My sisters cat was also black btw which is why i wanted a similar one.

At the beginning i was full of doubt and very much unsure if this was the right time as i was mourning the fact that i was alone due to my sister leaving. But it all became clear pretty rapidly that this was the right decision. Being home all the time I gave him so much love that I have very few regrets as to how he lived as I was giving him every bit of love I had.

But now I’m feeling a huge void, shocked to loose my first companion to my own in such a brutal way... one night getting him to the vet and the day after being told it was better for him to leave us now. And he was so young ...

There is nothing I could have done to save him it was just a question of time. I gave him the best life he could ever had, but I wanted to Give him so much more. Now I’m affraid to get into a new pet.

Like I did when my sister moved and got a new cat, I now want another one. Im just wondering if this is a good idea. I got a black cat to replace the one my sister took with her but even then it’s completely différent as I was missing her not mourning her. And I’m very unsure if this would work in such situation.

I want to give it time as I want to gather as much love as I can for the next one, but would it be a bad idea to take a black cat again ? As I said it worked out before but situations are completely different.

Im a pet person and have lived my entiere life with pets.
When I was a kid my father had a dog he bonded so much with he could go out in town without a leash. This one I remember the less but still do. Then when we were a little older my father got us a newfoundland, those big dogs used to rescue people at sea. He was such a huge bear. Then to complete the family they decided to take a Jack Russel. Yup those little tiny dogs. So we had a giant and a small one. To add it they were called Tarzan and Jane, and they were very close.

Then my grandfather passed away and to help cope up with it my familly bought her a Belgian Shepherd. One of the fastest dog I had ever seen, but with behavior troubles ( he was barking at pretty much anyone, I think it was due to my grandmother and him being together most of the times and not socialize ) but I knew how to get to him and was the only one who could calm him when my grand mother wasn’t around ( if she was gone he was going nuts barking until he was out of breath ).

When I was about 14 our Newfoundland died due to cancer at 7 years old. Our whole familly was crushed and to cope with it my familly decided to take us to the best vacations I have ever done to this day. We went to Africa for a safari ( one where you shoot animals with cameras not guns just to be clear ), and it turned out to be the most amazing experience. This helped us a lot.

That was also around the time I found the cat I gave my sister. We were just chilling in park with my best friend when we heard those meows coming from near a restaurant. Figured out the best was hungry. So we decided to catch it and give it to my sister. She has always been a caretaker for animals. But this cat was the one for her and she decided to keep her.

Few years forward when my sister broke up with her boyfriend and it ended up really ugly. Her boyfriend had bought her a dog for her birthday but It was at his name. He decided to keep him after the breakup. Apart from all the ugly things he did, this one hurt her the most. So few weeks later she decided to get a new one from a shelter in belgian. Thank god she found her because that shelter was anything but a shelter. If she didn’t take her she would have been a breeding dog, and her conditions were terrible.

At first she was full of doubt as well because first she didn’t tell my parents ( we both lived at our parents house at that time ) and that she picked her dog as a « replacement ». Exact same race, just different sex. Husky if you want to know. Had a rough start but now my sister couldn’t love her more than today and turned out to be an amazing dog as well.

It was a few months later that my grandmothers dog health started deteriorating until he could barely stand up. To be honest he was in pain and had his behavior troubles enhanced at the end of his life, and he was 16 years old so had a good life for a shepherd. His death went smoothly. What we under estimated is the power a pet can have on a senior. My grandmother ended up not eating not leaving her room and ended up fully depressed. At this age, and the reason why we bought her the dog in the first place was too much, and a few weeks after his death, my grandmother went to join him.

2 deaths in a row.

Fast forward to today, a little bit more than one year later, I’m here, completely shattered, having to mourn my first pet of my own ever, which I developed the strongest bond ever. Imagine a depressed boy going through circle of life but never managing to get a hold out of it and always failing. Its been 10 years my life has been going downhill and I had no girlfriend, my friends started to avoid me and I was always a bit off for socializing. All the love I had I gave them to pets. Let it be my parents, my sister, my grandmother I always gave them as much love as i could. And to the one who needed it most I couldn’t give enough ..

Life can be a b*tch, it always when you think it can’t be worse that it hits you the hardest.

Now I’m craving for someone to give my love to but I’m afraid to rush the decision, on the other hand being alone it makes it so much more difficult to bear.

Im lost, I’m shattered, I’m afraid to not ever love a pet like Pacha, and the pain is too much to handle.

I had too little time with him ( one and a half year ) and his death was so quick to come ( one night at the vet the other day he s gone ).

Please, help me
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shantismom

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Posts: 394
Reply with quote  #2 
Losing a cat so young is not only a shock but so heartbreaking.  I have always said that we have to focus on the fact that they are no longer feeling any pain, no stress, no trouble of any kind.  You gave your love to your little Pacha and that is why you feel the pain now but isn't it worth it to have had that little one with you, to have had him love you.
There are no easy answer, the pain is real and it does take time to ease but time will do it's job and you will feel better.  The time will come when you think of your baby with a smile instead of tears.
I am so sorry for all the pain you have gone through.  Consider another little one who needs a home and love, maybe your heart can heal faster if you do.

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Marlene Wagner
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