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Snowfire
So very sorry losing your girl and wow 22! I list my boy 19 going on 20. So miss him too and yes feel very empty as well. We were hoping for lucky 21 but he did have a long good life. He was such a good boy and didn't really go downhill until less than last couple weeks where I tried my best to take care of him. He wasn't rallying so I knew then I would have to let him go out of love. I couldn't stand his suffering. I knew before vet tests wasn't good. So yes my heart and those here going through it as well. I haven't cried yet today but feel it now.
Please take care.
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PipersMother
Snowfire wrote:
So very sorry losing your girl and wow 22! I list my boy 19 going on 20. So miss him too and yes feel very empty as well. We were hoping for lucky 21 but he did have a long good life. He was such a good boy and didn't really go downhill until less than last couple weeks where I tried my best to take care of him. He wasn't rallying so I knew then I would have to let him go out of love. I couldn't stand his suffering. I knew before vet tests wasn't good. So yes my heart and those here going through it as well. I haven't cried yet today but feel it now.
Please take care.


Thank you Snowfire. I am sorry for the loss of your old boy.  When they are with us that long, the bond is so strong.  I feel so blessed to have had Miranda for so long.  And I know she loved me and wanted to stay.  I guess in the scheme of things, that's a huge blessing and the best that anyone can hope for.  
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Tankie12
Relief, just the word seems so wrong, but when my baby was taken, 2 hrs before she died on her own, I prayed for guidance because I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing any more. Fluids 3 times a day, hurting her with a lrg needle to make 3 bags of fluid flow quicker. Yea she was supposed to have 3 liters 3 times a day. My baby was over 100 lbs in kidney failure. If I’d had a defibrillator when her heart quit I’d have used it. And I’d have been wrong, it was time, and as I held her dying body I was glad she would never have to go through that again. I was relieved I’d never have to hurt her again. It was all a daze, surreal. Surreal was kind of good, it’s foggy. When that haze slowly lifted its shroud, the pain engulfed me like I’ve never felt before, my heart still hurts, constantly, I still long for her. I’m sure I will forever. I’m still struggling, I’m still in tears. I would give anything to have my Tankie back. And I guess I do, but she not ill anymore and I can’t see or touch her but I don’t believe her spirit died with her body and I don’t believe what we shared, our bond, the love is gone,,,
So yes, I understand, take care of you, and feel the warmth of the love you share with your precious baby
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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PipersMother
Echo wrote:
I understand your feelings of quilt at feeling relieved.  We are relieved that our babies are no longer hurting, but we still wish we could have kept them longer with us.  When my Pom died 2 years ago, he had been epileptic all his life & I thought that now he wouldn't be subjected to all those seizures anymore.  Now with the loss of My Humfrey, I didn't want to put him through the suffering. He also had arthritis & some days he could hardly walk & I think to myself that now he doesn't have to go through that pain anymore.  But thinking these things is just a way of trying to find some good to make us feel better about their loss.  I too am wondering if I could have done something for him if I had noticed the signs sooner.  I think we always look back to try to figure out what we did wrong and it haunts us for the longest time.  I was just beginning to come to terms with the death of my Pom 2 years ago and now I have to face the loss of my Humfrey so I'm right back to square one with my feelings.  I will never forget my fur babies.


Echo, I agree, I think no matter the circumstances, we always look back at the what-ifs and we question everything we did or didn't do.  From reading everyone's posts here on the forum, I have noticed that we all have those lingering doubts and regrets, no matter the circumstances.  In retrospect, I am so fortunate that my Miranda's passing went the way it did. It could have been so much worse, as a lot of other people have experienced with their pets and with human loved ones as well. 

Death is ugly, no matter what.  We know it's going to happen, yet we fight it and question it regardless of the circumstances.  Only a very few living beings get to go out peacefully at an old age in their sleep. And there aren't many loved ones left behind that get to say "I have no regrets about so-and-so's passing".

We try to alter the way of the world with our what-ifs, trying to build alternate realities that take away all the pain.  I keep saying my what-ifs about Miranda's illness and treatment, but I also recognize that if I had done anything differently she might have met with an even worse ending.  What-ifs don't guarantee a better outcome, just a different one.

I personally think it is bad advice when people say "you shouldn't feel this way or that way" and "don't dwell on what-ifs".  I believe we each need to acknowledge our feelings and feel them in full.  We have to work them through, make sense of them, learn from them, and then let them settle. No sense ignoring our thoughts or being shamed into pushing them aside.  The point is to resolve them, not to act like they don't exist. 
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