FinNJ
My sweet little love went to the Rainbow Bridge while I was at work today.

I am beyond devastated.

She was thirteen, had a bad heart, and had been on so much medication since August.  We knew we didn't have long and tried to treasure every day.  We talked, and prayed, and cuddled as much as we could - reassuring each other that, no matter what lay ahead, we would always be in eachother's hearts forever. 

I thought I was prepared..

My mom had been staying with her during the day since I was no longer comfortable leaving her alone.

Today she waited for me to leave, cuddled up on the couch with my mom for awhile, then went to her crate, curled up and left.

For so long it had been me and Duffie against the world.  I've never married and have no children so my dogs have always been my family.  But there was something so different and special about my relationship with Duffie.  We rescued each other twelve years ago and never spent another day apart.

Tonight will be our first night without each other.

My house and my heart feel so empty.  

I can't bring myself to call anyone because I can't bear to speak about it.  I simply can't utter the words, "she's gone".

I'm here in hopes of beginning the process of accepting life without her.  I just needed to 'talk' about her departure without actually having to speak.

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JerseyNonna
(((finNJ)  I am so sorry to read about the loss of your dear sweet duffie.  sounds like she knew it was her time as my roxie had and simply said see you later in a peaceful way.  the night my roxie passed at the emergency vet I had to drive home by myself but I believe that an angel was with me in that car because all I did the whole ride home was cry.  walking into the house and seeing my little pet pomapoo tae (roxie was her best bud when she wasn't helping me) waiting at the top of the stairs for "us" to come back home.  when she saw just me all I could do was blurt out "we lost our girl tae, roxie's gone".  after her passing all I could do was quickly text my daughter and tell her "she's gone" since she already knew I was at the emergency vet.

it's nice that your mom was there for duffie and I know it breaks your heart even more that you weren't.  13 years old is such a great age for any of us to be blessed with the love of a fur-baby so special and longer is even better yet.  please continue to talk to duffie as she's still with you in spirit.  we can't really think our dear babies would leave us for good when they loved us so much but many of us just can't understand the world beyond the veil where loved ones hear and see us; where it's easier for them to visit even when we can't see or feel them quite yet (i'm told it comes easier once the darkest period of grief leaves our heart).  you are in the right place because what you will find here is support, compassion and the fact that everyone of us here are going through the grief you are feeling.  I hope that this helps you in even a little way and am sending you many hugs and prayers.
JerseyNonna
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FinNJ
Thank you for taking the time to write that beautiful message of support, JerseyNonna...it helps to know others truly understand the feeling of these first few desperate hours.
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LUCYLULU
Fin~ I am so truly sorry for your loss of Duffie today. I cannot believe this just happened today. You must be in such numbing pain-- the kind that makes you feel like you are choking because you are so full of tears & sadness that it's hard to breathe.  We all understand how unbearable it is. I do not have kiddos either. Lucy was my special girl like your Duffie. Please try & take as much time as you can...letting the feelings flow because your love was & will always be a huge part of you. There may be signs or moments now-- or later that may offer comfort. For now, please be kind to yourself. keep talking to her-- out
loud. it may feel strange. It may hurt. Or it may help. Everyone is different. But we are all here for you and sadly, we understand the pain. It is wicked. Hugs, Kasey
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Sparkys_house
Fin,

The day I lost my Bubby, my Sparky, I drove myself home crying uncontrollably. Home, his toys where he left them, Izumi my kitty who isn't all that lovey dovey wouldn't leave my side was equally annoying and comforting. Alone in our home, I'm exhausted but can't sleep, hungry but can't eat. Words whirling but can't speak or organize a single thought. Forced to go right back to work the next day because I couldn't afford to miss it, I was a wreck. Avoiding everyone and everyone having no idea what to say happily obliged without asking. I didn't want to hear all the stupid words of, I'm so sorry, let me know if there's anything I can do. Yeah right, like I am coherent enough to have an organized thought other than, yeah, get me my Bubby back!!! After two days of failed ability to work with productively I decided, screw it. I'm taking a road trip. I contacted a friend the next state over and within an hour told my boss I needed a couple days off and left. Left all my problems, didn't care about the consequences of a short pay check, didn't care about anything. I got to her house and she treated me with respect, honor and dignity. She didn't say much, we sat on the couch, rarely speaking but she was there and that's all that mattered. Her two pitties were Sparkys best friends so I sat with them and talked, cried, talked and cried some more. I took naps, my friend cooked but didn't pressure me to eat nor was she offended if I didn't take more than 2 bites. Fortunately for me, she's a vet tech and was able to answer all my questions about the physical aspects of what happened and answered the medical what if questions. After I got back, I accepted the consequences of my actions and dealt with them. The trip allowed me one thing and that was the ability to focus on mourning. I'm still mourning and struggling with guilt almost 8 months later but that's another day. Today you do you and there is no right or wrong way. Step out of character if you so desire.
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Ripley14
The day Ripley died, I stood in the shower and screamed her name. I cried so hard that I couldn't catch my breath. I cried so hard that I nearly vomited the grief! It's been 8 weeks and it is no easier to face a day without her. I'm sorry that you are just starting your grieving. So sorry. So sorry.  :(...
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Lizzy
Fin...sending hugs
Please come here often.  I have "snuck" into this forum while at work to get a dose of understanding and compassion.  The support in these forums will help carry you through--there are amazing people here; selfless people who see through their own grief to comfort you. They listen and it helps.

I had a soulmate, maxwell; it knocked me to my knees the day I felt his last breath on my neck.  I still cry, and it is many years!  He was just different, he was THE ONE.  Like your sweet girl she will forever be in your heart. Allow yourself to feel, to be sad, to cry...you will be in my prayers. 
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MyTacoBaby
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm grieving for my little baby-dog as well. He will be missing his 16th b-day on Feb. 9th. I cannot find any joy right now at all even with lots of great things coming our way. Please know my heart aches with you because I am so devastated I don't think I'll ever feel quite myself ever again. His passing was Jan. 21, 2016.
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FinNJ
Thank you everyone for your loving support.  I wish I could find the words to express how much each of you have helped to ease my pain. 

Sparkys House, I too had that 'go to work right after' experience today.  I am a teacher and some very special young hearts and minds depend on me each day...I had to go.  It was good to be distracted and busy but there were overwhelming moments of grief when I just wanted to drop to my knees and sob.  

I requested a personal day for Friday.  Anticipating a moment set aside to mourn my little love, my THE ONE, my best friend in solitude and peace is all that will get me through the next two days.  

It was so hard to come home.  There was no reason to come home.  Duffie was my home.

For all of you here mourning a recent loss with me, I wish you loving light, good memories, and healing hope of a reunion beyond our human understanding. 
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DanHenao
FinNJ,

I am sorry to hear about the loss of Duffie. We all have experienced the pain of losing a pet. It really does not feel the same without our pet. I hope you can find healing here.
Danny

My friend, my brother, Rupert, pre 2001-January 25, 2016 
I love you and I miss you. 


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FinNJ
Thank you, Danny. 
There is true understanding here and I am incredibly grateful for every message.
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