It's been nearly 2 weeks since I lost my beautiful Mazzy. She was with me since I was 16. In those 11 years we've lived in California, Colorado, Maine, and lastly New York. She was the ultimate partner in life. I never knew anyone in the towns I moved into before hand but I never ever felt alone because I had my Mazzy girl by my side. About 3 years ago she had a benign tumor removed from her spleen but constantly had high liver enzymes. She was switched to a hepatic diet and supplements every day.
For the past 3 years it seemed as though she would go through a 'flare up' with her liver issues. I would take her to the vet religiously and mainly an antibiotic would be given and then we'd be on our way. This past month another 'flare up' of her not eating for a couple days came along. This time an ultrasound was done and found her liver to have many nodules. The internal medicine vet told me it didn't look good, and in most cases she saw there was only a 3 week survival rate. She gave the option to have another liver biopsy done because the one performed a couple years ago didn't cover all the tests that could have been performed. Or to start her on an array of treatments to see if any of those would help her. I opted for the laparoscopic biopsy because I felt we needed an accurate treatment for what was going on.
Unfortunately I feel like the biopsy tipped her over the edge. After taking her home after 2 days in the hospital, she wasnt the same. She had trouble walking, moving at an incredibly slow pace. I called the vet and they said it was probably due to the pain medications and to just wait it off. I should have listened to my gut. 4 days passed and she wasnt improving. I called the vet and she had just received the biopsy results and it came back as Wilsons disease, which for the most part was treatable and manageable. The next day we were back at the vet and hopeful to start treatment. Unfortunately on her examine they found a GI bleed. She was admitted immediately to try and stop the bleed and unfortunately they couldnt start the treatment for her liver until her bleed was under control. 4 days later and nothing was stopping her bleed. After medications, blood, and plasma transfusions and a feeding tube placed I received the call that there wasn't anymore that could be done. When I arrived she was having trouble breathing, having large bloody bowel movements, and in pain. I knew it was time. We spent the afternoon outside, because she loved being outdoors in the sun more than anything. We cuddled, and even took a nap together one last time. 
I don't think i'll ever forgive myself with letting her liver disease go unchecked for so long. I feel as though I would have been more adamant about trying to figure out why her liver enzymes remained elevated she would still be here today. Even though she was 11 she was still mistaken for a younger dog everyday. She had the energy of a 6 year old and loved life so much and I feel like I let her down in the worst way possible. 
For the past 2 weeks it feels like every day is becoming more difficult in its own way. My heart lost its home and I feel like I'll never be able to recover. 

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I really like Mazzy. What a lovely girl. Beautiful dog.
I am so sorry. You tried your very best to help her by the sound of it. Bless you and your Mazzy's Soul.

And this, that you said: "but I never ever felt alone because I had my Mazzy girl by my side"I know that special relationship, because I felt the same with my Misty.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
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Im so sorry about Mazzy. We all beat ourselves up with the what if's. Truth is we are not veterinarians so if they do not recommend a treatment for us to pursue or push us into further testing how are we supposed to know to do that?
Please do not beat yourself up. You did the best you could with the information you were given. Hope Mazzy finds my cat Ollie and they can bask in the sunshine together. Sending  you a big hug
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  My heart aches for you. You  absolutely did all the right things trying to save her. Please don't beat your self up over not making the right decisions. Mazzy was very fortunate to have had such a caring, compassionate owner like you. i hope you will post here often - when you feel like it - and let is know how you are coping. This is a great Forum with lots of pet-loving people. We all understand.

Jim Miller
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Thanks everyone for your words. Everyday is still a struggle. Moments I feel like I'll be able to make it through the day without breaking down and eventually I fall apart and am still trying to understand how this is real. 
I've had a couple of dreams about my Mazzy so far. The first was a couple days after her passing and we were in this huge sunny field, lots of people, dogs, and sunshine, someplace I know she would love to be. She was running around greeting all of the people. Mazzy was always a fan of dogs but she was more human than she was animal and loved to be part of the human group more than with the other dogs most the time. That dream was the best so far. The next 2 I saw her in she was sick. before her passing they placed a feeding tube in her to try and get in the medications she needed. In those dreams she still had the feeding tube, and was still sick. Im not sure what to make out of those but they were devastating. The second of those 2 there was a lady who brought me Mazzy and told me she couldn't stay long. After going through a lot of posts I've seen that this is a common occurrence in dreams to have a lady bring their pet to them in a dream and telling them they couldn't stay long. The most recent dream we were in my families old house, and a young puppy Mazzy appeared out of no where. 
For most of these dreams i've known that I was dreaming but they were incredibly realistic. I told her how much I missed her. I even felt her silky little ears in my hands.  I find myself sleeping more and more just for these chances to see my baby again. 

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