I rescued a Boston Terrier in August who had been used as a stud dog on a puppy farm and had been beaten and starved during his years there. When my family and I adopted him, we looked after him, got his weight back up, got his coat healthy but most of all we all fell completely and utterly in love with him and his gentle, soft, affectionate and funny personality. Our other dogs adored him and he settled in straight away. Our beautiful little boy had finally got his happy ending and was going to live out the rest of his life in contentment and happiness. He was our first rescue dog and although to some he looked ugly, he breathed too loud and he coughed and spluttered too much but to us he was beautiful and completely perfect. From August until January everything was going amazing and we couldn't be happier. However, in mid January we found a lump on his leg that was found to be a malignant tumour and so he was booked in to have surgery to remove it and whilst he was under anaesthetic he was going to have an operation for his breathing as well. The operation was risky but we were confident that he had been through so much already that he would make it through it fine and come home. We dropped him off on the 5th February and I only gave him a quick kiss because I was confident that I would see him soon. I had no idea that would be the last time I would see my baby boy. The vet rung that evening to say he'd struggled to breathe under anaesthetic and the whole operation had been touch and go but she had removed the lump and corrected his breathing but she had found another lump and so removed that as well. It was difficult bringing him round but they did and the vet took him home to monitor him throughout the night. We were due to come up the next morning and see how he was doing and give him a cuddle. It was a tense and difficult night waiting on news of him but by the next morning they hadn't rung so we thought he had made it through the night. As we were getting ready to leave to go and see him the vet rang to say that she had brought him in that morning but he had stopped breathing and she had the whole team working on him for 40 minutes but they couldn't bring him back and he had passed away. I had never felt so much grief overtake me before. My heart felt like it weighed so much it was going to shatter my chest and my world completely fell apart. Instead of going to see him to bring him home to recover, the next time I saw my beautiful boy was to bring him home to bury him. We had only had him for 5 months and 22 days and he was only 6. I was in complete shock and denial. I wanted it to be a nightmare and I would wake up and everything would be fine. I felt so much guilt. What if we hadn't of taken him to the vet? He'd still be alive. However the vet told us that his throat had actually collapsed when she'd looked inside and so all it would've taken was for it to be a hot day and he would've collapsed and died. She also believed that the other lump was cancerous and so the tumour was aggressively spreading. Either way, surgery or not, our poor boy would have died and we would feel the heartbreak. He never had a chance. On top of the pure grief I was feeling, I was angry. I was angry that he had been left in this position by his previous owner. I was angry that he had experience such a bad life before coming to us. I was angry that his previous owner had the honour of spending 6 years with him and treated him so badly and we didn't even get 6 months. I was angry that I had been robbed of years and years of happiness and memories with him. But I was heartbroken for him. I was heartbroken that he had finally found his forever home and we had so much planned for his life with us and it was going to be so happy and perfect and it was snatched away. In the short time he was with us, he made a massive impact on my family and everyone who met him loved him. His time with us was full of love, happiness and laughter. I had never met a dog like him and I know I never will. I would give anything and everything to have him back in my life. The one comfort I do have is that he died free of pain and he died quickly. His life was not a good one and certainly not one he deserved. He deserved a wonderful life that was free of pain and misery and so I take comfort in the fact that the last months of his life were with a family that loved him deeply and he finally got the life he deserved even if it was no where near for as long as it should've been. My heart will forever ache for him but I know I will smile when I think of our story and how that tiny little rescue dog made such a massive impact on all our lives and destroyed so many people when he passed. If I had known that would be the last time I would see him I would've held on to him and never let him go instead of just giving him a quick kiss but I guess I will have to live with that. He's buried in the garden now next to our old dog that passed from cancer so we know they'll look after each other. We buried him in his bed with his blanket so he can stay warm and we are comforted knowing he has a piece of home wherever he goes. It's been nearly two weeks since he died but my heart feels nowhere near healing and my tears show no signs of stopping. I've looked up many ways of dealing with the grief but none help. Most people suggest just focusing on the good times but that breaks my heart even more as I ache to have those times back. I despise crying in front of anyone (even my own mother) and so I feel the best way of helping me cope is to write down what I'm feeling instead of telling people. I'm hoping this will help and I'm also hoping that I'm not the only one to have lost a dog too soon and so I can share my pain with others. If you have read this far then thank you so much, I think I just need to feel that I'm not alone.
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What a sad, sad story - and no, you are certainly not alone. You have come to a wonderful site, there are many truly compassionate people here, ready to listen to you. 
 The only thing I can say is a huge thank you for giving your little boy so much love in his last few months, you took him from a terrible life to a loving home - you let him see love and companionship with your other dogs.  Nobody knows how long we`re going to be given with our animals - I know we all want longer than we get, but sadly sometimes we don`t get anywhere near long enough.
 I lost my dog Jim almost 10 weeks ago, we got him as a rescue when he was 4 months old, and he was our baby - we`ve no kids - and we had him for 17 years, and I know we were so very lucky to have that time.  Even so, I am still in bits and can`t believe he`s no longer here. I started writing a diary a couple of days after losing him, and that, as well has being on this site has been what has saved me from completely losing it. Wishing you peace, and thanks for giving love to your special little dog.
                           Hugs, Jackie.x
J Taylor
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm glad that I am not the only one and it is comforting on this site to see so many grieving people being supported and loved by so many others. I am so sorry that you have lost your darling Jim, it is clear you gave him 17 years of pure love and joy and he gave you many memories. I only wish that dogs live for as long as humans. After only one day on this site I feel better and more connected with other people dealing with their grief and this has helped greatly. I think I may start writing a diary as you have and hopefully this will help further. Again, thank you so much for your lovely words and your Jim will be in my thoughts. Maybe our boys have already met on the other side of the rainbow bridge and are looking down on us now, knowing how much they were loved.
Alex x
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I can understand the grief of losing your little boy but think of the honor you gave him to live in a loving home, one that would treat him royally, give him a new life, show love and comfort.  He had a hard life but left that behind to a loving home and he was able to leave this world with the comfort of heading to that Rainbow Bridge with a joy in his heart knowing that someone will be there one day looking for him, to walk together, forever.

John & Renee
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How tragic and heartbreaking, I pray God give you own little Maltese Holly passed away suddenly at age 5.

I too am shocked and upset that we didn't have more years to spend together.

I think you can take comfort in the fact the your little boy was never happier than when he was with you and you and your family made his life worth living.

We cannot fight against these terrible diseases that rob us of our fur babies but at least we know that we loved them and did the very best we could.
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Hello and my condolences to you...
I can relate to your surprise and your pain as well. And I am glad you found the support of folks here. I stumbled across this site and everyone has been amazing.
I lost my almost 2 year old baby on 1/21. It was a horrible accident and I truly thought I'd see him come out from a terrible surgery and recuperate for a long while at the worst. Instead I ended up with him dying slowly in my arms when they couldn't save him, and making the equally terrible decision to euthanize him because it was so extensive. Sorry to be graphic but I want to convey the off-guardedness of that and let you know we here can relate somehow.
Your emotions also... I have many of those too.
I am struggling and not at all accepting this yet still, and feel that my future with him was also robbed. Too soon. He did not deserve that either, and my heart is so very broken.
We can find shared pain and also hope which may lessen the struggle. I wish you so well.
Calum's Mommy Forever <3 
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