I had to have my 13 (?) year old Beagle, Mr. Max, euthanized on December 7. He had arthritis, canine cognitive dysfunction, and was probably losing his sight and/or hearing. He fought the euthanize so all I have are unpleasant memories of the event. I know that he is in a better place but I just cannot get over the fact that I caused his death. I cry all the time, can't sleep, and am now drinking to try and ease my pain. I think about joining him all the time even though I have three other dogs who are depending on me. I don't think I will ever be able to get over this. I have no family and no money to get any help for this depression. What can I do?