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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #46 
SCrane,

As you wrote earlier, the decision to let them go is very hard to make.  I have had to make it three times in my life.  It doesn't get any easier but I have less doubt that I have made the right decision.  When our fur babies no longer are eating, drinking, being active and responsive, etc. it is time to end their suffering.  Having to decide the specific day and time to go to the vet is the hardest--it can always be put off until another day. But that isn't considering the cat's best interests.  Taking the empty carrier home is very painful.  But there is some initial comfort, at least for me, in knowing that my baby is at peace.

I am going through a second round of grief now which started when I started thinking through whether it would be practical to get another cat and it isn't for lots of reasons.  So Lenny was our last cat. I miss him and also having a cat in my life--but when I think about it I want the cat in my life to be him and that, of course, isn't possible.  

Now my children having started having more health problems so it has all merged together.  Life isn't simple and loss is never easy.








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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #47 
Today is 6 months since Lenny passed. It’s still difficult. I can’t say a day goes by where I don’t cry a little. Miss you so much Lenny.

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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #48 
Your Lenny's fur is just slightly darker than my Lenny.  I don't  have a picture I can post since the pictures are scattered on several family member's phones.

We both continue to miss our Lenny's.  In some ways it has gotten easier for me, but then I have a bad day again.  Right now I am preoccupied with health issues in the family but Lenny is also still on my mind.

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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #49 
Today was my Lenny’s birthday. It has gotten a bit easier. I can look at the pictures and smile, even though the lump still catches on my throat. I miss her little face, and the way she would run to me anytime I called for any of my cats. She was such a little lovebug.

Pannklaus I’m sorry you’re having health issues. that’s got to make it so much more difficult. Sending you positive thoughts.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #50 
As we all know, these special occasions often trigger more grief.  Thank you for your kind thoughts about my health.
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #51 
My parents are in town and I asked them to throw away the cat tree that Lenny used. Neither of my other two cats ever used it but I just couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. They tossed it while I was at work. I wasn’t prepared for seeing that empty space. Miss you, Lenny. So much.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #52 
I know how you feel.  I kept my Lenny's cat tree for a  long time.  When we had the yearly cleanup day where they will pick up larger objects, my husband put it  out.  There was an empty space for a long time.  Then I discovered that my rollator would fit exactly in the space and it would provide a seat for me to sit on when I use the nearby phone.  But I still think of my Lenny when I look at the rollator in that space.  The space belonged to him--I am just borrowing it!  

I know you miss your Lenny as much as I miss mine.  They are very special fur babies.

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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #53 
My other two cats are getting old and every time I give them attention or pet them I wish I had paid more attention to Lenny, I wish I had pet her more, given her more snuggles. It’s been almost 9 months and I still miss her so much everyday.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #54 
We both miss our Lenny's.  We can always regret what we didn't do and wish we had done something different.  Given how much you obviously love your Lenny I think you probably gave her plenty of attention even though we can always give more.  My Lenny was insatiable. Nothing was ever enough for him but I think he was well cared for and given a lot.  I periodically think about getting another cat.  But it wouldn't be Lenny and that is who I want back.
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #55 
Once she got outside and I knew because anytime I called any cat she would come running. I called in wick to work and searched for her for days. Turned out she was in the hallway over night and she was kinda pissed when I opened the door to let her in. I had never felt so much relief. Still miss her so much.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #56 
I  know that feeling of relief when a lost cat comes home and the joy of seeing her.  My Lenny was an indoor cat but the ones we had before him were in and out and sometimes went missing for awhile.

I am not grieving for my Lenny in the way I was  earlier.  But I just miss him.  I saved the bed my grandson made for him; when I go in the back room and see it I miss having Lenny curled up so comfortably on it.  When we are watching TV, there is no Lenny there begging for treats.  I miss the sound of his voice; I wish I had recorded it but it never occurred to me.  

We will always probably miss things about our precious Lenny's.  They take up a special place in our hearts and leave a hole there when they are gone.

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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #57 
The one year anniversary of losing Lenny is in two days and this morning her mom, Zoe, died. This time I was able to be with her, petting her, and telling her I love her, until her last breath. Zoe was the mom to Lenny and her brother Leo, who is still with me.

I wasn’t Zoe’s first owner but I met her in 2001 when she was my roommates cat. Zoe chose me, she started sleeping in my bed and following me around. When the roommate and I parted she gave me Zoe. I had her for 18.5 years so she must have been 19 or 20. She had a long good life. I’m gonna miss her so much. She was such a badass. The coolest cat.

In the last few days she couldn’t walk and took to sleeping by her water bowl. I actually called a vet to do a house visit but they couldn’t get here until 10:45 this morning. I snuggled Zoe all night. Woke up at about 5am and her breathing was shallow. I kissed her forehead, told her I loved her, it was ok for her to go, and to be good and I’d see her soon, which is what I always tell them when I leave the house. About a half an hour later I woke up again because she had peed the bed. I changed my pants and sat next to her. I petted her, kept telling her I loved her until she took her last breath. I miss her already.

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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #58 
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Zoe.  Even though she had the fortunate of having a long life we miss them just as much when they are gone. In some ways it is harder because she was a part of your life for so long.  I hope that all of our precious babies are running and playing at the Rainbow Bridge.
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #59 
Once a friend came over and saw Zoe sitting on top of the TV with her front paws crossed. He said it looked like she was thinking “if I were a lion I’d eat you.” And it’s the perfect representation of her personality. She didn’t like many people, or other animals. I feel so grateful that she chose me and let me care for her for so long. I love her so much. Even at the end she did things her way, she didn’t want that vet coming in here and poking at her. She was the best. I hate that I won’t get to kiss her forehead anymore or rub her fuzzy little paws.

The first time I rolled over in my bed and she was sleeping next to me I was a little scared. I had never had a cat before. She didn’t care, I was her human and she knew it from the beginning. I love you Zoe, always.

I wasn’t home when Lenny died and I’ll always be upset about that so I’m glad I was able to be here with Zoe for her last moments. It was hard to see and it’s hard now waiting for the guy from the crematorium to pick up her body but it was the best way. I’m sad but without that underlying sense of despair. My heart hurts today for Zoe and Lenny. This is so hard.
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #60 
The guy from the crematorium just picked up her body and now I feel broken.
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