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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #31 
Man, you’re just going about your day when something as small as lighting a candle can make you cry. Lenny used to jump up on my desk so I tried to not keep stuff up there and definitely didn’t light the candle that sits there. My other two cats never jump up on the desk. Today I lit the candle without thinking and it just reminded that she’s gone. Whew. I miss you little one.

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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #32 
Your  Lenny is so cute in those pictures.  I understand how you feel about your Lenny.  I have the same reactions with my Lenny.  I will think I am doing much better.  Then I automatically reach down into my lap while watching a TV program and remember that he isn't there.  Or there will be a wrinkle in my bedspread and I think he has crawled under the covers as he used to like to do.

I guess there will always be reminders and we will always miss them.

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Patsy
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #33 
Pannklaus, that is so true. Whenever I hear a noise in the kitchen I look at the door expecting her to run out. It’s tough too when I’m petting my other cats because Lenny would usually be right there waiting her turn. I had a dream about her last night, and just like the other dreams I knew she had been gone but then she came back, and my reaction was “oh, there you are.” Not sure yet if the dreams are comforting or heartbreaking, maybe a little of both.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #34 
I haven't had the dreams yet.  Like you I don't know if it would be more comforting or not to have Lenny back in a dream and then have to wake up to reality.  The emptiness and loss is just there and there is nothing that really fixes that.
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Patsy
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #35 
Nothing ever fixes a loss. I am ok when I’m going about my day but as soon as I think about her all I can think about is that she’s gone. It just hits me right in the gut. I wonder when the memories will make me smile instead of cry. How are you doing Pannklaus?
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #36 
I am doing about the same as you are.  I am in a very demanding form of home health physical therapy right now which takes my full attention.  But as soon as that is over, everything comes back again.  I still see so many reminders everywhere around the house, even though we have given away all the food, toys, dishes, etc. to others in need.  I am not yet at the point where the happy memories have overtaken the grief.  Although I will go on with my life, some of the sadness will probably always be there.
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Patsy
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #37 
I was having a pretty good morning the other day then a Facebook memory popped up with a photo of Lenny and me. Then today I went to brush my other cat and realized I was using Lenny’s favorite brush and it had some of her hair in it. I miss her so much.

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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #38 
I hate that I didn’t get to say goodbye to her. It hurts whenever I remember she’s gone. I’ll never get to brush her or scratch her little head or hear her meow again.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #39 
 I know the feeling of never having our Lenny's back with us again to do the things we always did.  It is sad that you didn't get to say goodbye to your Lenny.  But saying goodbye is hard too. The memories of those last few moments with my Lenny at the vet, petting him and talking softly to him before he died are also very sad.  I feel comfort in knowing that from his perspective he just went to sleep and didn't know what had happened.  But going home from the vet with the empty cat carrier was very painful.

  Now that it has been more than two months I feel his absence even more than I did in the beginning.  He was so sick at the end that it was a relief to be able to take away his suffering.  Now I remember all the healthy years and miss all the things we did together.  I am going on with my daily activities but I will always miss him, just as I am sure you will always miss your Lenny.

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Patsy
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #40 
Today marks 4 months. Miss you every day Lenny.
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #41 
Pannklaus, I can’t imagine having to make the decision to let them go. My mom said she thinks Lenny knew what was going to be best for me and that’s why she passed while I was out of town. Lenny has been really sick and I had taken to feeding her every few hours but she just wasn’t really digesting anything. My friend who was watching her wasn’t going to be able to feed her as often, so I blame myself for being gone. But she was old and sick and I think my mom May be right, I don’t know how I would’ve reacted if I had been the one to find her. She was the first pet I’ve lost. 16.5 years is a long time so I try to remember the fun times too. Hope you’re doing well.
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #42 
Just woke up from a dream where little Lenny was with me again. Her face was so clear, so vivid. I was scratching her little head. I miss you Lenny, every day.
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Kim_S

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Reply with quote  #43 
That's so hard. I am so sorry for your loss. I let my dog go 2 days ago after a short bout of fast growing cancer. I literally can't breath I miss her so much. I'd love to dream about her but I know I'd be devastated when I woke up and she was gone.
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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #44 
Kim_S sometimes the dreams are comforting, like I get to see my little one again, but waking up and remembering is always hard, just different levels of difficultly I guess. I’m so sorry for your loss, and so quickly. I hope you are doing as well as you can.
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Kim_S

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Reply with quote  #45 
Thank you for your reply. I'd love to dream about her running and happy. Maybe one day I will!
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