Forum
Sign up Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 1 of 4      1   2   3   4   Next
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #1 
My cat died while I was on vacation. Her name is Lenny. She had been sick and I was doing my best to take care of her. Normally I would visit my parents for a week but I planned this trip for only four days so I could be back sooner. My best friend watches my cats when I’m out of town and called me the day before I was coming home to say that Lenny wasn’t moving. Lenny had climbed up on the couch and died, I made my friend show me, and it looked like she had been sleeping. My friend put the body in a shoe box and in my closet. I had to come home to my baby in a shoe box. I found a crematorium that would pick up the body and cremate it alone and make paw prints for me. The guy who came was amazing and watched me cry and told me he would take good care of my baby. I asked if I should look at her one more time or pet her one more time and he said “she’s not in there, your baby is in heaven.” Bob was amazing. I am supposed to pick up the ashes today but I can’t seem to get going.

She was 16.5 and I’d had her from moment she was born, she was born under my bed. I remember so clearly looking at the litter and saying “I want the black one.” I used to tell her she was the one I wanted, my chosen one. She was a climber and a hunter, once I watched her smash a bug and eat it. She was an awesome cat. I miss her so much.

I have two other cats, her mother, and her brother. I’ve been cuddling them extra. I feel like they’re both sad too. it’s hard to move through this apartment that we’ve lived in for 12 years just the four of us, now that she’s gone her absence is so obvious. I keep hearing her clawing at her cat tree or the patter of her little paws running across the floor.

I’m so mad at myself for not being here for Lenny’s last breath. I’m mad at myself for not being a better mommy to her. She was my baby, my little one, and I never thought I would lose her first. It’s been just me and these cats since I was 21, my entire adult life. This is really hard.

Attached Images
jpeg DB45B372-64EE-404A-87A2-0922C2BD7CD8.jpeg (73.04 KB, 9 views)
jpeg 6E27CF75-014E-4092-8439-727A40B95250.jpeg (119.83 KB, 9 views)
jpeg 375134E6-2282-4BCC-A50A-C4E4834B1B39.jpeg (304.69 KB, 9 views)

0
CazeeKaz

Registered:
Posts: 41
Reply with quote  #2 
I know what you are going through. We had Caz since 2008. We are trying to decide on burial of ours. Thinking it will be in our yard that I found him. My 8 year old daughter and I are thinking this might be best even tho we might move. What do you think? Or I could bury him out at my moms house where we buried my other cat, Doc. Cazee was raised under the bed too. The other 3 were different color and Caz stood out out in gray so we picked him. Right outside the bedroom window is where I found him on Friday.

Nice pictures of Lenny.
0
parsley

Registered:
Posts: 20
Reply with quote  #3 
I am so sorry that you have lost Lenny. What a truly beautiful pussycat. I can honestly say that losing a beloved furrbaby is one of the worst losses that I have experienced. They are there for us all the time giving us their love and company. It must have been hard to have been away on vacation and to have Lenny pass away. Lenny knows that you love her and always will. I also feel guilty as I had to put my cat to sleep before Xmas. He was very unwell. I totally understand your feelings. It hurts badly. Sending hugs to you. Lenny will always be with you. Keep her in your heart in a special place💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛
0
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #4 
CazeeKaz it’s a hard choice to make. My best friend offered me her back yard to bury Lenny but I couldn’t stand the idea of every time I’m over there being reminded that my little one is in the backyard. I had her cremated and picked the ashes up today. The man at the crematorium was wonderful, he made two clay paw prints, two pages of ink paw prints, and gave me a tin with two locks of her fur, her ashes in a bag and some in a scattering tube. I set it all in the corner of a bookshelf with photos of her. That was a bit comforting to me, almost like she was home again. I think you and your daughter will figure out what is best for you. I’m so sorry for your loss, it really is hard.
0
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #5 
Parsley, thank you for the hugs, it really is difficult. She was amazing, I will miss her always. I think the worst part was having to come home knowing that she was gone and her little body was in a box in the closet. I feel like I let her down. I hope she knows I loved her so much. I picked her ashes up today and feel somewhat comforted at the thought that she’s home again. I’m so sorry about you having to put your cat to sleep and around the holidays too, such a difficult time to lose a loved one. Sending hugs back to you.
0
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #6 
Today is one week since Lenny’s been gone, my baby. I woke up this morning in tears because I have a full day of work ahead of me and I can’t stand the idea of being away from my other two cats, her mother and her brother, for so long. Having Lenny’s ashes is somewhat comforting but I have this overwhelming pain, this hole in my gut, when I remember I’ll never get to pet her again, especially since I wasn’t here when she died. It hurts that she’ll never greet me in the morning again by jumping on the bed, or run around under my feet when I go to the kitchen or the bathroom or anywhere in the house. I keep replaying the way she would jump on the chair to the table to the desk and meow at me. This is so hard. I miss her so much. Her brother, Leo, has been staring at the door too, I know he misses her, they were so close.
0
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #7 
I haven’t been able to shower because Lenny used to jump in there with me. I haven’t been able to go in the closet because that’s where her body was when I returned from my vacation. I’ve been wearing the same socks and pants and just the clothing that I had packed. Saying goodbye to Leo and Zoe when I leave the house makes me break down, I used to say goodbye and I love you to all three of them, I’m a mess. When does it get better?
0
CazeeKaz

Registered:
Posts: 41
Reply with quote  #8 
Yes I am in the same boat with you. It has made it hard to function each day. But, It feels better for me to focus on him. I have pictures and his paw print a layers of his hair close by.

I have been kind of old school about burying him because I feel like cremating him is like poof he’s really gone. But I do know there are a lot of things you can do with the ashes so I haven’t fully decided yet. I may have to keep him in the freezer until the ground thaws out in the spring. (It’s winter here) so I guess he will still be with me a while longer.

I wanted you all to know how lucky I was that I found him on Friday before it snowed. It snowed that night. That would have been long worry and pain not knowing where he was covered under the snow for weeks so we are thankful for that.
0
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #9 
CazeeKaz, definitely better that you found him before the snow.

I find that I’m welcoming distractions right now because there are moments of overwhelming sadness that I can’t control so during those moments where something else needs attention I’m trying to focus on that.

I went through all the photos I had on my computer today of Lenny and was going to make a goodbye post on social media but I found myself so drained and not quite ready. It also made me realize how sick she had been because she lost so much weight.

I understand the difficulty of choosing whether to bury or cremate. I’m having trouble deciding on what to do with Lenny’s cat tree. I have other cats but she was the only one who used it and when I look at it I can still picture her little face looking up at me from it. Do you have other pets?
0
CazeeKaz

Registered:
Posts: 41
Reply with quote  #10 
No I didn’t have any other cats or pets. Glad you do, I’m sure that makes it easier. My sister just got an itsy bitsy dog. He is fluffy and small. I have been spending time w him. He lays there and sleeps on me or on the couch. Reminds me like Cazee did.

It makes me miss Cazee more I think. We will see...
0
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #11 
I can totally understand that the fluffy little dog can make you miss Cazee more. I want to cuddle my cats more now that we’ve lost a family member but it also makes me feel gully. Like they are getting attention that Lenny will never get, then I wish I had been a better cat mom to her, had paid more attention to her. Part of me fears that she died first because she thought I didn’t love her. Another part of me knows that’s not true and that she lived a long time and just got really sick.

0
CazeeKaz

Registered:
Posts: 41
Reply with quote  #12 
Wow that must be kind of nice having other cats for attention after Lenny had to leave. I’m sure Lenny thinks it good that you are still taking care of the other cats. I can still see why you might think he would be kind of jealous of the other cat’s attention but that would only be in his nature.

Still considering another feline young cat or kitten for my daughter. but mom is taking her time on the whole idea. She doesn’t want me to talk about Caz if I can and more on a new family member that we could get for her.

I’m still over here mainly grieving alone it feels like. He got me thru everything in the last 10 or 11 years- and that is a lot I must say.

Typing from an iPhone, too.
0
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #13 
Took a shower this morning. Kept wanting to see Lenny poke her head in again, or meow from the sink, or be sitting there when I open the bathroom door. I hate this new normal. I know it’s going to get easier but I just want my little one back.
0
CazeeKaz

Registered:
Posts: 41
Reply with quote  #14 
Yes going thru the emotions. Caz followed me into the house to watch the dog (my sisters) so pretending he is here w us. Kind of hard
0
SCrane

Registered:
Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #15 
I am planning on writing a letter to Lenny and putting it in the tin with her ashes. Writing has always been an outlet for me so I think that will help me.

CazeeKaz, how are you and your family doing?
0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.