StryderMyLove
I found so much comfort last night after finding this forum, that I thought I would share my story. I got my rescue baby, when he was 4 months old, and he was a member of my family for almost 12 years. Stryder Barrett I named him, and instantly he was my heart and soul, I LOVED him immediately. He was my first dog that I had as an adult as I got him when I was 22 and felt like we almost grew up together. It was just me and him for awhile and he was there when I graduated college, through my engagement and marriage, and also the births of my 2 sons, not to mention several moves...he was by my side through it all. Never was my beloved friend not near when I needed, whether it be through tough times or the happiest of days. Stryder was a beautiful boy and truly had the soul of an angel, so gentle and tender, he was the epitome of love. My sweetheart had a seizure on April 29th shortly after his 12th birthday. It scared me!! He never had one before and I was beside myself. I took him to the vet twice in the following week for a neurological test and blood work. All came back normal, and I was sent home with ear drops for an infection and flea medication. I was told to notify the vet of any further seizures in the future, but was told it may have been a one time deal. But in my heart, I knew at 12 years old, it couldn't be good. For the following few weeks, Stryder was his typical loving self, wagging away, and wanting to eat whatever he could😋 I was so happy to see him seeming okay. Then came May 23rd. After 3 1/2 weeks seizure free, he had another seizure and I was by his side and talked him through as I understood what it was this time and tried my best to stay calm. I told my husband and he was on watch as I had a meeting for my son that evening. I wish I wouldn't have went as I got a text from my husband that my dear Stryder had another seizure. I rushed home as soon as I got the message. I was hoping that would be it as I knew I didn't want him to continue with the seizures and would come to accept sending him to Heaven the following morning. That night I slept on the couch so I could be near him and set my alarm for every 2 hour checks even though the alarms never went off as I was basically sleeping with one eye open. At about 4:30 a.m., another seizure;5:30 a.m., yet another. And another around 7, and 7:30. It was agony😪 There were times I had to step away as it was so hard to watch, but my husband never left his side. I finally got hold of the in home vet at 8 to have him sent to the Bridge. I must have called and paged over 30 times, also leaving frantic messages wanting him to not have to go through it anymore, it was extremely difficult on me to watch, but somehow I gained some inner strength to be with him. I do find some comfort in knowing that due to the seizures, he really was out of it and not sure of what was going on, and after his last seizure at 7:30 until about 8:30 when the vet arrived, he looked relaxed and at peace as my husband and I just loved on him, touched him, told him how much he meant to our family. When he was in his final moments on this earth, I was right there by his beautiful snout, sang our song to him, and kissed him lovingly at the very end. But I have felt guilt as we all do, but glad he didn't suffer for days as even the day before he was his typical self, just wish I could block the seizures from my mind, which I have to do to to remind myself that he is no longer in pain and we were there for him, allowing him to go to Heaven peacefully and with dignity. The morning he passed was almost a daze. I felt almost a relief immediately after as I couldn't bear to see him seizing again. But as the day wore on, I struggled and broke down, at one point sobbing on the kitchen floor. The day after he passed was terrible as my kids were at school and my husband was at work, and I just lost it, sobbed for the better part of 2 hours, realizing how much he was to me all these years, how he really is my "soul mate dog". I felt completely empty. Today, 2 days after him crossing the Bridge, I still think about him constantly, but no longer feeling immense pain, loneliness and agony, and the physical heart pain has eased and I try to not dwell on the last moments, but focus on all the great memories we shared, and there were many😊. I got some comfort last night as he visited my dream, and part of me feels guilty for not breaking down today, but I believe it was a final gift to me from my sweet angel to try and move on with life, with him always with me in spirit, as I know that it was what he would want from me, always the pleaser and wouldn't want me to suffer. There is still an emptiness, a void, and if I dwell too hard, the sadness comes back with a vengeance. I know there are many hard moments ahead, but I am grateful for the time we shared, and for 3 weeks of preparation for his final moments as I began to understand then, that it was really a matter of time. I know he is free again, and I know he has some beautiful angel wings as he was such a beautiful soul. In my heart forever, I love you my Stryder Barrett❤️❤️
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phalaris14
 I am so sorry for your pain. Please come to this site often... it helped me tremendously.
                     Bret
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Molly_Beagle_Mom_4ever
I'm so sorry for your loss of Stryder Barrett. What a beautiful boy. It's so hard to see them not feeling well, having to experience health issues that we can't control. No matter what their age or how long we have them in our lives, it's always so painful to see our soul mates suffering. I'm glad you found this forum. There are so many wonderful, caring people here, and reading some of the stories of those who have been through or are going through the same unfortunate losses helps you know you're not alone. Everybody here understands. Please come back often for as long as you need.

Stryder will always be with you, and in time you will feel him all around you and in your heart. Knowing they're happy, healthy and pain free, playing with all of their friends while still taking time to be with us whenever they can, becomes a great comfort as you begin to heal. Someday, you will hold him again forever. Wishing you much peace and healing in the coming days and weeks.

Molly's Mom...Dawn
Love you infinitely our little Molly. Forever and ever XOXO
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savethecats
Sorry for your loss, It has been a few weeks now since losing my Quincy and still so much hurt, guilt I feel...
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StryderMyLove
Thank you all!! The last couple of days, surprisingly, the pain has lessened so much and I know Stryder would have wanted it that way, such a sweetheart, he wouldn't want me to be hurting, but rather focusing on happy memories. My times of breaking down have really been few and far between as he had been in pain due to elbow dysplasia for quite a long time, way before the seizures, and I know he no longer has that pain, many times it was hard to watch him struggling to get around. I have relief as I know he does, it really is amazing how well I am taking it as just a few weeks ago, after his first seizure, I didn't think I would be able to go on if he left this realm. I believe he gives me hope, he made me better for knowing and loving him. Yesterday was a beautiful and sunny day and we got the grill out, which he loved😉, and I longed for him to be near laying in the sunshine. But I know his sunny days are forever and that helps me keep it together. I love you Stryder and you are on my mind all day, I hold tight all of our beautiful memories together my angel xoxo
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StryderMyLove
My sweetheart, this weekend was Memorial Day weekend, and I missed you so much! Saturday night we got out the "big black box" aka grill, and thought of you as I know you always appreciated the hot dogs cooked on it for you! Today we went to the beach and I thought how you would have loved it when you were younger and probably would have greeted everyone due to your darling nature. This last week has been hard and we have also had 2 unexpected financial issues creep up this week, now I know you were also my lucky charm. I miss you and think about you all the time. I think of you right when I get up all the way until I go to sleep. Today I shed a few tears for you, but know you are okay and free now. I try and get on because I know you don't want me sad, but I still long for you. What I wouldn't give for once more you laying your head on my shoulder, or once more petting and kissing your perfect snout. I love you angel, always and forever xoxo
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StryderMyLove
Stryder, I miss you. I have been able to try and pick up the pieces, and for the most part, the good memories outweigh the sadness. As always, life has been hard and it's times like these that I miss your unconditional love, the purest love of all. Forever with me, I will always love you❤️💙💚💜
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StryderMyLove
2 weeks today you left, and I still always think of you. The last few days I have been looking at rescue dogs online, never as a replacement for you. Dearest Stryder, if I could have, I would have had you FOREVER! I am lonely for a canine friend at times, but they will never replace my love for you, never in a million years. I now only look for rescue dogs and "collie mixes" because they remind me of you. As a kid, I always had small breed dogs and non-shelter dogs. Because of you, I now only want to help another lost soul that is in a shelter, looking for comfort. Because of you, I realized true companionship and love. Because of you and your legacy, someday I would like to help another canine friend. I hope you aren't upset about this, I struggle with thinking about it. I know you disliked other big dogs whilst you were around, but then again, you were the protector❤️❤️ I know how much you love me and Dave and how much you adored Zack and Sean and would do ANYTHING to protect them, and I believe you would want us protected again. Stryder, you are forever with me!! My sweet hippie dog named after Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, my darling Stryder Barrett. Listened to the Allman Brothers the other night and wished you were listening right next to me. There is never another you and I love you always my angel xoxoxoxo
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StryderMyLove
Today I picked up your ashes, feel some comfort having a part of you physically with me again, as in spirit, I am always with you. Love you my sweet Stryder xoxo
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lettersatlarge

StryderMyLove wrote:
Today I picked up your ashes, feel some comfort having a part of you physically with me again, as in spirit, I am always with you. Love you my sweet Stryder xoxo


There is something comforting about picking up the ashes isn't there? It feels like they're safe, again. believe me, I know its not the same. When my little old man's urn arrived, there was a heavy finality about it all and I broke down again. I'm glad you feel a little bit of comfort.

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StryderMyLove
My darling!! Thought of you so much today! Was not planning for it, but adopted a lab/golden retriever mix today that we named Dylan Syd(an homage to you!). We chose him as he was so passive and great with the boys, he reminded me of you when I saw him. As I always say, I would keep you forever if I could have, and know you are my angel dog waiting for me, and yes, my dearest Stryder, I struggled with this. You are never ever replaceable, but I know you would want your family to be protected and loved for by a dog...and I know he is a good fit, and he was solely picked because he had some Stryder mannerisms😉 I know you are still with me in heart ALWAYS and know your spirit will show him the ropes😉Love you always and forever my angel, my "heart dog" xoxo❤️❤️
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NaomiGuzman
Thank you for sharing your story of Stryder. The pain of losing a pet can be awful. It brings me comfort to know that you were able to adopt again and bring joy into a new dogs life. Stryder would be happy to know that your suffering is easing.
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StryderMyLove
Stryder, my angel, what I wouldn’t give to hold you right now. You are always with me. Ready to go on our next big adventure together! I love you my soulmate dog❤️
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StryderMyLove
My angel, we are back home together in Ohio, back home where we belong. Thank you for being with me on my journeys, you’ve always went with me on all my adventures. Love you forever my heart dog, there will never be another you❤️❤️
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