tr4822
I had to say goodbye to my sweetheart KC last Thursday and I'm heartbroken. Got her as a rescue at age 2 and 1/2 and had her for 11 years and 2 months. Sweetest most gentle dog on the face of this earth. She was a mixed German Shepard and Belgium Malinoise. She had hip problems for past several years but that was not her critical concern. She developed a mouth tumor several months ago. Was told it was a cyst initially. But indeed it was a fast growing tumor. After another late night trip to ER 5 weeks ago diagnosis was tumor and was told I might want to consider saying goodbye that night. She was bleeding from her mouth and nose. I opted to take her home and care for her as palliative care for what the vet said would be a few days. Well the bleeding stopped next day and I had my baby for another 4 weeks. She slept a lot but ate and drank well and even went for a few walks during that time . Vet said she was not in a lot of pain but gave occasional pain med when she appeared restless. But last Wed. I saw a change in her expression when she looked at me and the bleeding had started up again.. The tumor just kept growing rapidly and I was afraid with her losing blood she'd just get too weak and anemic and stop eating and drinking. I decided to say goodbye but now I feel so guilty that I didn't wait another few days to see if bleeding would stop. Maybe I could of had her a few more days or so and it's killing me inside . I feel so guilty and so much anger with myself that I didn't try harder. I would have spent any amount of money on her to save her but vet said at her age and condition she probably wouldn't wake up from a surgery procedure. I don't wanna feel this way. I miss my baby so much.
Thomas H. Rhodes
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Lamont
Thomas, I offer my sympathy to you, as someone who has lost my best friend a just a few weeks ago, I know there is nothing we can say to console you so soon. So for now, let me just say that we are here for you.

I, too, have been thinking that there must have been another way, or that I somehow let my sweet girl down as a "cat daddy". Expect to feel a whole lot of everything for the time being, if you are like most of us, the pain, sadness, and second-thoughts will be difficult to manage in the first couple of weeks.

I've managed to find some peace, but it's taken nearly 2 months now to get to where I can begin to look back and be grateful for the years I had with my friend. There are still many dreadfully sad times during every day, and I suppose that's progress, such as it is.

You'll find some supportive people here, who, if anyone, know what you're going through.

L
Bertie's Daddy
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tr4822
Thank you Lamont. I know this will get easier over time but it helps to know others care about what I'm going thru as they have experienced it themselves. Our pets are family and we love them unconditionally.
Thomas H. Rhodes
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RileysMom
Hi Thomas,

I am so sorry for your loss of KC. The first few weeks are the hardest, and many here have felt similar things. Please be assured you are not alone in what you’re going through. I lost my own dog 8 weeks ago today to mast cell tumors, and I relate to feeling like more should have been done. Unfortunately, sometimes that just is not possible. You do the best you can do in the moment with the knowledge you have, and that’s all you can do.

All the days we can have with them are so precious, so I understand your feelings of wanting any and all the time you could have had with KC. The what ifs are torturous and get a lot of us when we’re grieving. But the truth is, she had cancer. Even if she wasn’t in any discernible pain, she was a very sick girl. You did a loving thing to sacrifice your desire to keep her to end any suffering she may have been experiencing on the inside. That takes a lot of love and even bravery to do that, and to make that call.

There’s nothing that can really end the pain you’re going through. You’ve lost someone you love, and only having them back could do that. But it will get easier. Not because it will be okay, but because we learn to adapt. Hang in there and know our thoughts are with you.
Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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tr4822
Thank you for your words of comfort. Yes the what if's are terrible right now. KC gave us more than 11 years of unconditional love and pure joy. I had hoped she could be with us a little while longer as she absolutely loved to lay outside in the warm spring and summer sun and just watch all the neighborhood activity. And the daily walks with our other furbaby when she was herself. So sorry for your loss also recently. They are family. I have to keep my faith strong that I will see her again and be reunited with her in Heaven.             Tom R
Thomas H. Rhodes
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Lamont
tr4822 wrote:
Thank you Lamont. I know this will get easier over time but it helps to know others care about what I'm going thru as they have experienced it themselves. Our pets are family and we love them unconditionally.


Thomas, so true,and dare I say that I grieve for the loss of family, but even more in some ways for my sweet girl, who only wanted to be with her daddy, even through the worst of times, with no condition, and no matter what.
Some friends are truly once in an entire lifetime. How can I express my gratitude for such innocent devotion when she's gone? It's beautiful and terrible at the same time.

L
Bertie's Daddy
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sds
Dear Thomas,

I am so sorry for your loss of KC.  These early days are especially excruciating.  My heart goes out to you.   

It may not help right now, but it seems you did everything you could (and more so) given the information you had.  Preventing inevitable suffering seems like the most merciful thing to do.  And yet, I know it's especially hard when our loved ones defy experts predictions (4 weeks is a lot longer than a few days).  My kitty beat the odds many times over the past 5 years, so I too, felt very guilty and angry that I didn't do more--and I still struggle with guilt, though a little less so now.  I have been reminded by many people that we really don't have as much control as we want or think we have over nature/disease.  Though we do have the awful yet merciful power to stop suffering.  At the same time, of course we want every possible minute with someone we love so deeply.  

I am thinking of you and hope you will find solace in the weeks to come.  I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in your grief.  

p.s. I remember seeing other posts on this forum about mouth or nasal tumor if it would help to read how others dealt with a similar condition 
Sharon
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tr4822
Sharon , Thank you for the kind words and condolences at this difficult time. Even though KC was 13 last August and had some hip problems I never envisioned this quick onset of a mouth tumor that took her literally in several months once it started. Just assumed she'd be with us for several years yet and didn't give another thought to living w/o her. I just hope and pray I see her again in Heaven, I know this will get easier but not sure when the tears will stop almost every time she pops into my mind. Thanks again Tom R
Thomas H. Rhodes
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