suburbansoulgirl

 
Mr. P..jpg 
In the summer of 2008, I was asked to take in a homeless declawed/neutered senior cat that was wandering around an estate, named Mr. Peaches.  The caretaker didn't want him around and the people who caught him were unable to take him in, as they had several animals of their own.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but I accepted him into my home.

When the TNR woman came to my apartment and opened the carrier, out came this big beautiful buff and cream cat, battered and starving from not being able to hunt and fight.  He was so frightened he slept underneath my bed and only came out to eat. 

Slowly but surely, Mr. Peaches came out of his shell, we became friends...the best of.  Over the last eight years, he taught me so much about unconditional love and my ability to give/receive such...more so than any human being.

972104_626807520680304_887533360_n.jpg 
We've been through a move from the suburbs to the city, him side eyeing the life out of the jerks I dated (even vomited near one's laptop to show his distaste).  My frequent illnesses, and stresses over adult life.  He guarded me with his life as I slept, and our home while I was away.  He humoured me with his rebellious ways (such as getting on the couch and trying to steal my food as I ate, and bellowing loudly @ 630am in my face so I could wake up and feed him), and the way he greeted me with a meow every time I entered our bedroom.

Mr. Peaches wasn't a cat for everybody and he'd let you know that.   But he was MY cat.  He was anti social and grouchy to everyone else but me (and my mother when she visited). My friend once joked that if I gave birth to a cat, it would be Mr. Peaches.  We were so much a like in so many ways, that the Universe could not have chosen a more perfect animal companion for me if it tried.

1514299_796379600389761_365385235_n.jpg 

Slowly, Mr. Peaches aged...and developed arthritis, chronic kidney disease and other ailments.  The big beautiful cat that could be mistaken as a mountain lion, shrunk to 8 pounds.  He was virtually skin and bone, his fur matted from being unable to clean himself.

On the morning of Labor Day, Mr. Peaches crossed the Rainbow Bridge, in our home...after having his breakfast.  I was by his side during his last moments.

My grief was horrendous all last week.  I thought I'd never stop crying...I miss my friend so much.

And now with the tears reduced to a minimum, I have irrational fears.

Fear of the dark, fear of being alone in our home, I can't sleep without the TV on.  I don't even want to come home most of the time, but I do because I have a second cat to feed and look after. 

These fears are very irrational (and borderline weird, since I've never been afraid of the dark or being alone even as a kid).  They seemed to have come after Mr. Peaches passed.  Is this normal?  And if so, does these fears go away?

Thank you all for listening,
-Kanika

Quote 0 0
Allicat
Im so sorry for your loss. Mr.Peaches is a gorgeous cat! The day my cat passed away, I was afraid of sleeping alone. Every sound paranoid me. I cried a river of tears. Sometimes I feel like she's still there, or see glimpses of her. It makes me feel like I'm losing my mind! My fears are still there, but not as bad as the first day. I think its a process as the emotional wounds heal. I hope you begin to feel better!
Quote 0 0
Miki_and_Me
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everything you are going through is normal. You are grieving a huge loss. Grief of a pet you loved so much shatters your heart and everything is different. I am taking away from your loss here, but am experiencing high amounts of anxiety, depression, hypersensitivity to others right now. It is horrible. It is the ultimate price of love! There is no deadline to 'get over it'. You never really do, but time will help. Everyone experiences grief differently. If you find your irrational thoughts are taking over other aspects of your life, keep writing here, call support help lines, even see a doctor if the anxiety increases. You lost something you loved. It's never, ever going to be easy. Hugs.
Quote 0 0
chicagocats
You and Mr Peaches have a lovely and loving story. How beautiful you two shared your lives together. I'm so sorry for your loss. He was a significant part of your life and always will be.

I completely understand your fears. I too was afraid to be alone, to go to sleep - afraid of just being. I hadn't been alone in 12 years and when Carma passed, suddenly I was alone. I would watch mindless shows on my iPad in bed. I have always had to have some light when I sleep, but since Carma has gone, I require more light at night.

When Carma's brother Gus passed two years ago I went through a very similar thing, even though Carma was still alive and well with me at that time. I actually put a mattress on the floor in the living room and watched movies with Carma for several days because I couldn't bear to go in the bedroom.

Carma passed July 20 and I have gone to a couple sessions with a therapist through the pet loss grief group. I'm still very lonely and miss Carma every day. I don't cry every day now, but I do still cry. And I do still hate going to bed at night without her. It is getting easier and I'm not as overwhelmed with fear as I was. 

The loss of Mr Peaches is still very fresh for you. Your mind needs to catch up with what's happened and eventually the fears you have will begin to fade. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time.

Quote 0 0
Kudzu
What a beautiful tribute to your cat. I saw so many similarities to my cat. She passed a month ago today, and I was pretty much the only one she was bonded to. My husband used to say that my cat was the feline version of me--from temperament to ailments. Sending you peace and strength.
Quote 0 0
suburbansoulgirl

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words.  I wish I didn't have to say that there is some comfort in knowing I am not alone in this, but feel badly that all of you are suffering from your losses. 

I look forward to the day that this subsides...boy out of all the negative emotions I've ever felt, I would say that grief is #1 worst ever.  It's like hell on earth, and yet inevitable because death is eventual, especially for our animal friends whose life spans are far shorter than ours.

I wish there was some way for the grief to become easier for me to deal with.

-Kanika

Quote 0 0
_DeborahN1104
So Sorry Mr. Peaches Mom. He is so handsome! A one of a kind cat that was here especially for you, a true Gift from above. 
Your feelings of being afraid of the dark etc. are totally normal when experiencing grief.'t There is no guidebook to this. Everyone reacts to grief in their own way. I have waves of it that take my breath away and make my heart hurt. I sleep with Shelby's collar under my pillow and take it everywhere with me. I talk to her, I sob and cry. Sometimes I feel ok. I don't care if people think I am crazy because I am talking to my beloved girl who spent over 15 years with me and loved me no matter what!

May you find peace and comfort in the love you and Mr. Peaches shared.

Deborah Shelby's Mommy
Quote 0 0
Trajan50

Hi, I really wish more folks who are in pain over the loss would stick a finger in death's eye by running right out and adopting another needy forever pal.

Think of the joy of bringing another soul into your world.  There are so many animals who need good forever homes, it just seems so right to combat the blues of loss by jumping right back in the game!

Peace to all.

PS: It has been 3 years since I lost my pal "Biggie", even though I still had "Booboo".  When Biggie died, it was miserably hard, but after just a few days of cryin', I went out and adopted a new friend, "Snooper".

It didn't take all of the pain away, but it helped knowing I'd still have two cats to keep each other company and that I liberated another needy friend from the cage.

Quote 0 0