CathyD Show full post »
CathyD
Thank you ChantillyCat. I've been crying myself to sleep every night too - that's when Ginger would cuddle the most, and when I feel her absence the strongest so I look at pictures to try to cling on to her and that makes me cry too. I've been sleeping better the past few days but it's because of medication. Hugs to you, I'm so sorry you lost your soul kitty ❤💕
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ChantillyCat
Thank you Cathy. It's so hard and so painful. I'm so glad I found this forum. It helps to know there are others out there who know exactly what I'm going through. Hugs to you too.💕
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CathyD
It's been over 2 months that I've held my sweet little Ginger. Had a harder night last night than usual. I feel tired of missing and wanting something I can never have. I don't want to feel this way anymore. It is heavy. It is empty. Ginger was the one who always comforted me but she can't do that when the pain is from losing her. I look back at happy memories yet I will forever have a Ginger shaped hole in my heart. My husband suggested we could think about a companion for Gingers sister sometime soon and idk but maybe some new cuddles would help soothe the ache. Why does it feel like that's betraying her somehow? Like moving on feels like forgetting her sometimes....or maybe it's because it will feel like fully acknowledging her time with us is over. There's always memories but it will never be the same as falling asleep with her or playing chase.
I always knew it would be terrible to lose her and I was right. The pain is so intense it often feels physical, like literal heartbreak. We still have to spread her ashes and maybe that would help with closure. I just don't want to ever close the door on Ginger ❤
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Bigcatsdad
CathyD,
I'm so sorry for your loss of Ginger, she was a beautiful girl.
You gave her a good loving home and life and went the extra mile taking care of her health issues. She knows this and that having to end the pain and suffering was done because you loved her so much.
Your experience is similar to mine. A little over 6 months ago we had to make the same painful decision for Albert, my black cat who was 16. He developed an inoperable mass in his abdomen and we chose to end his suffering and not to prolong things. I held him in my lap and arms through it all and this was the hardest most painful thing I've ever had to do in my life and left me heartbroken. My girl friend moved on quite quickly but I did not, I think because my big buddy and I were so close. I was a mess for almost a month, I cried and cried sometimes just at random no matter where I was or what I was doing, this made shopping and work interesting sometimes. Over the next few months up to now it's gotten better, I don't cry every day and I can look at pictures of Albert with out bursting into tears. But, not a day goes by that I don't miss him very much. I've come to terms and accepted what happened but once in a while it still hits me and the tears flow. We had him cremated and I brought his ashes home in the little cedar box urn. I put it on his favorite blanket on the couch where he liked to nap. I still haven't washed his blanket and I don't know if I can. At night his urn comes up with me to my nightstand and then back to his blanket for the day. It took a long time to even through out his half eaten cat food on his dish from his last meal that day.
Hang in, it does get a little better as time goes by but there is still a void left with us from saying goodbye to them that will always be there. They take a piece of our hearts when they go and although over time as our hearts begin to heal we don't get that missing piece back until our life's journey ends one day and we meet our little furry ones again.
This forum is very good and I'm so glad I found it and it has helped me navigate through this grief. You are surrounded here by others who know what you are going through and I hope it can help you too.

My heart goes out to you and the others on this post who have lost a little one that's so close.

- Jeff
Bigcatsdad
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