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Angi

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Posts: 27
Reply with quote  #76 
Dearest Omar, I've been following your post and tributes to Emma and they are beautiful. You can tell how much you loved her in the words you write. I am so very sorry for her passing and I would do anything to ease your heartache..,but plz know Emma is in Heaven as we speak and she is waiting for you. I believe. My Tommy passed on July 12 - so we are approaching 6 months and, to be honest, I still cry. I miss him so much. I still want to go now and be with him; but I know it's not my time yet. It'm still in that "dark" place and I too hear from friends and family that I need to "get over it" or I hear "it's just a dog". I used to be hurt and angry when I heard that. But, after being on here with all the these wonderful ppl, they have validated my feelings and so I feel totally sorry for others as they have no idea of what "love" really and truly is. The unconditional love of a pet is a gift from God and I am so thankful to Him for giving me Tommy for almost 13 years. I've never been happier than those 13 years. And I don't know when I will be happy again. I still cry and feel so empty and I have this big hole in my heart. I used to dog sit at my house for some close friends but I tried and I can't do it again yet. I've got to close on that note as the tears aren't far away and it's bed time - even medicated for these 6 months I still have a hard time each day and night. So plz know that no matter how long you hurt and cry, it's ok. We all grieve differently and I learned that from these incredible ppl who support us on here. I have been thinking of finding a therapist/counselor but how do you find one that deals with grief of a loved one that has 4 feet and not 2. I was elated to hear that you found a group to attend and told us how to find one where we live. My vet gave me phone numbers for 4 different support hot lines and you know I called all 4 over and over but they were all recordings saying since it was summer, they were all short handed but leave a msg and we'll return your call. Well no one ever did and that's when I found this site and all the folks who have been angels sent from Heaven to help us. Without those folks, I'm not sure where I'd be right now. But I am going to call our humane society to see if they can help me find a group to attend. Thank you so much for sharing that ingotmation.

I'm sorry to rant - I mainly wanted just to see how you were getting along. I think your last post was Emma's birthday on December 9th. Please let us know how you are doing. Again, I wish I could take everyone's pain away. I prayed and asked God to let me take this pain on as I would be so happy if no one ever had to endure this heartache. It's worse than losing a loved friend or family member. I know in my heart that Tommy has met Emma and they are happy with God at their side. No more pain or illness or suffering. I just wish it was time for me to cross over that rainbow bridge and be with him again. I keep all of you guys on this forum in my prayers and I thank everyone for sharing and caring and most of all being supportive. I need the hugs from everyone - thank you all.

Omar, plz know we are all here for you. Just a click of the keyboard or phone away. I really want to know how you are doing ?

Hugs and prayers to you. Hope you have a great Tuesday.

-Angi ??
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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #77 
Angi,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me. It really means a lot to me!

I am still here and I read the forum everyday. Emma's 7 months was on Dec 28th. I thought about posting something, but for some reason, I decided to suffer in silence that day. I still cry everyday, I still miss her everyday, I still want her back everyday, and sometimes, I still refuse to accept that she is gone from this earth.

I remember you posting about Tommy back in August. I read everyone's story almost everyday and a lot of times when I think I am strong enough to respond to someone with words of comfort, I end up slamming my laptop shut and crying my eyes out until i am so tired of crying. My wife says that sometimes I seem better, but than at other times I seem to slip and get worse. She admits that sometimes she wants me to see a therapist, but I tell her that at 7 months, my pain is still fresh for me. My love for Emma was and IS so great that her unexpected departure at only 5.5 years of age will have an everlasting and profound affect on me for several years to come. I will admit that I am EXTREMELY jealous of everyone on here that got close to life expectancy from their sweet loved one. I know it doesnt change or make the grief easier for those people, but I guess from my point of view, I was robbed of those years. But life isn't always fair, right?

So I guess now, I pour my heart out so that others can read and possible empathize with my thoughts. Maybe this will help others realize that they are not alone. That they ARE sane for still crying everyday for the loved one. By the way, I still cry EVERYDAY when I drive home from work. Even though my other Siberian Tulip is anxiously waiting for another day's adventure, we always did those adventures with Emma as well.

I wish we all lived in the same neighborhood so we could just all meet at the same local park and share pictures and stories of our loved ones.

I just wish I would have gotten more time with Emma. Maybe I will when my time is up?

Hugs!

Omar.
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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #78 
I also pray that Emma forgives me for not spotting her tumor earlier. We always attributed her 2.5 years of "being more sedentary and slow" to her being spoiled with too many treats. But it was the tumor slowing her down.

When I see her again, I hope she is perfect, runs and jumps into my arms, and we both tumble into the mud together.

That would be a lot of fun.
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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #79 
My Dearest Emma,

Today has been 9 months since I have seen you. Where did the time go? It still hurts as if I lost you yesterday.


I don't know if I will ever be 100% whole again. I don't know if I will ever pass an hour that I don't think about you. I always wonder if we could have done something if only we would have caught your heart tumor earlier.

I hope you can forgive me. I feel like I failed you. You were only 5.5 years old. How I long and crave to hold you and hug you one more time. I always used to hug you and say "Oh, sweetie! You are NOT allowed to leave me!". But you did. You had to go. I would give almost anything just to see you one more time.

Hopefully, when the time is right, I will see you again.


I will see you again someday. I will always be your dad.



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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #80 
My Dearest Emma,

Its been 10 months since you had to leave me. :(


I visit this forum very often. I listen and read all the losses that happen on a daily basis. I wish I could respond to each and everyone of them. Even better, I wish I could wish for a world where no one would ever have to lose their furry family member ever again. But I know that is wishing for the impossible.

I still shed a tear for you everyday. I still greatly miss you everyday. I still wish I would have had 10 more years with you the way it should have been. But no one is every guaranteed life expectancy, not even people.

Sometimes I truly wonder how I get thru each day without you. At first, it seemed impossible, as if I wasn't going to make it. Now, it just seems like its an ugly truth I have to accept.

I still pray that one day I will get to see you again. And that is what gets me thru each day.

I love you just as much, if not more, than when you first came into my life.

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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #81 
Hi Emma!

Today is your birthday. You would have been only 7 years old.

I honestly thought we would have been together a lot longer than only 5.5 years old, your age of passing. It's been a rollercoaster ride without you. I still think about you everyday, even though you have been gone for 1.5 years now. Some are good days, and some are bad days. What I wouldn't give just to see you one more time and hug you one more time.

I haven't been here in a while, but I see all the recent losses that everyone posts about. I originally thought that my world had ended, but now I see that my life does go on, just without you temporarily until I see you again. You take care of yourself until I get there.

Love,

Your dad!
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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #82 
Today is June 15th, 2018.

It's been 2 years since you had to leave me. There is still not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you dearly. I always wonder if pets really go to heaven, and if they do, will I get to see you again someday? I know that the tumor on your heart was something that couldn't be dealt with without high risk. 

I still go to my local monthly pet loss grief support meetings. I never thought that I would be able to live properly due to your unexpected and young loss, but as time goes by, I get a little bit stronger with each and every day. I will always carry an Emma-shaped scar on my heart. It's not exactly the big gaping hole it used to be, but its a scar that I will carry with me until the day that I die.

I can still remember how it feels to hug you. I still remember all your little funny quirks all the things you did to make us laugh. I even still drive by our old house that you grew up in. I don't miss the house or the neighborhood, but I do miss the home that contains all of your puppy memories.

I still haven't had the courage to rescue another dog in your honor. Tulip is still with us, and even though she is a very aloof maverick, I know that she misses you. It took her a while to finally stop looking for you.

I don't know how to explain it, but I don't have to look for you everyday. You just automatically come to me in my thoughts and my memories all the time. I hope you are doing great & running free & fast in heaven. Hopefully, I will get to see you again someday.

Love,

Your Forever Dad.
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Tankie12

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Posts: 1,147
Reply with quote  #83 
Omar, after many months this is the best I can offer you,

Attached Images
jpeg 9718B45F-D115-4EA0-A8B7-626E075C5AC8.jpeg (198.78 KB, 7 views)


__________________
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever

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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #84 
Thank you for that lovely posting, Lynn.

I read Tankie's story and I am very, very sorry for your loss.

I would literally give anything just to spend one more day with my Emma.

Hugs & Best Wishes.
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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #85 
Dec 09th, 2018


Happy Birthday Emma! You would have been 8 years old today. Oh, I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss you everyday. Some days are unbearable, and some days I manage to get thru. I still go to my local monthly Pet Loss Grief meetings. I would probably had been completely lost without them. Outside of the group, I don't really talk about how much your loss has affected me. I feel like most people do not understand, especially after (what they consider) a sufficient amount of time has passed. You were only 5.5 years old, and I really thought I had another 10 years with you.

The first year without you.....I honestly thought I was not going to make it. I was so scared, even of myself. I didn't like being alone, I didn't want to be alone at any given time. Even now, 2.5 years since I last touched and hugged you, being alone is something I struggle with. I still read about all the losses here, and I hope you are welcoming all the new doggies into heaven. Your nose prints are still on my driver and passenger side windows. I don't have the heart or courage to erase the last evidence of you being in the car. Even over 2 years later, I still look at them as a daily reminder of you.

I don't find the days unbearable anymore. I can actually get up, take a shower, and go to work without feeling like I am going to suffocate and die. But I still think about you everyday. I truly believe that I will think about you everyday until the day I day. The only difference now is that sometimes, the thoughts of you bring good memories and laughter. Something will trigger a silly memory about you and how you made me laugh. 

I hope I get to see you one day again.

Love,
Your Dad.

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OmarR

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Posts: 143
Reply with quote  #86 
Hi pretty girl!

3 years gone today. I still think of you everyday. Some days are hard and some days are a little bit easier.

Do you remember Bindi? Well, her mom passed away and we took Bindi into our home. Since she knows everyone already, it was an easy adjustment. Bindi is definitely not a replacement for you, but it was our duty to honor her mom. She was more worried about her dogs than about the fact that she was dying herself.

I remember the day that you passed away. It was raining & lightning & thundering something terrible. The neighbors said that your sister was outside in the backyard howling. She probably couldnt understand why the rest of us were gone and had left her at home alone. I remember her looking for you for a while, wondering where you were. I really regret not driving her to the hospital and letting her kiss you one last time goodbye, maybe hoping that she would understand what had happened to you.

It still seems to rain pretty bad on your anniversary. Almost like a reminder. But I hope you are running free, wherever you may be!!

I love you!!


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